Family Ties
by Evil Remy
Summary: Bella's life has come crashing down around her ears. But with her best friends around her, and the man who loves her more than anything, will she be able to get it back on track? Fluffy B/J Story. Was previously Darlin.
1. Prologue

**A/N:** This story used to be called Darlin. I posted it in 2009, and did that awful thing where I got writers block halfway through writing it, and gave up. So I pulled the story in October last year. And then a couple of months later, started really itching to write it again. I'm about 7 chapters into editing them so they can be reposted, and all the chapters that I've completed so far are on my Wordpress. So. Yeah. Here it is.

Prologue

Thank god for alcohol. The past fortnight had been the worst of my life, and I was enjoying my date with Jack, Jim and José. I'd been fired. Well. I'd been 'Let go'. So, I'd been fired. And because I'd been fired from my barely minimum wage receptionist job, I drove to my _wonderful_ boyfriends apartment, only to find him with his pants round his ankles and his dick in his secretary.

It was a really awesome day. So awesome I went home and drank myself into a stupor.

Three days after the day from hell, a notice was slid under my door. The apartment building I lived in had been sold, and because the hovel I lived in had no rent control, my rent had been doubled. Which thanks to my complete lack of job, I couldn't afford.

So in a week, I'd lost my job, my boyfriend and was on the verge of losing my apartment. Despite searching endlessly for a job, I was faced with the fact that I wasn't going to be able to find a job in time to pay my next rent check.

But, there's always a silver lining. Or in my case, some very amazing friends. Tonight was my last night in my one bedroom apartment. All my things were boxed up, most of it ready to be moved in the morning, and the rest ready to be donated to Goodwill.

Despite the fact that my best friend can't cook, his kitchen is decked out like a five star restaurant. I'm pretty sure my $30 kitchenware from Target is unnecessary.

"Stop spacing out," A voice calls, and my head snaps back as a bottle cap collides with my forehead, before rebounding into my lap.

"Really Alice?" She's curled up in the armchair in the corner, giggling her tiny ass off. She's such a pest. I love her, but she is. When she's drunk she's the most adorable person ever. A mischievous, bottle throwing wench, but adorable. 4"11 of adorable. Her inky black hair is cut just below her chin, a radical change from the spiky black monstrosity of high school. Her grey eyes are closed as she snorts with laughter. When sober she's less adorable, and more like a whirling dervish of evil. Well. She's a whirling dervish. It's one of the reasons she's my best friend, although that title could apply to everyone in this room. I still remember the first day I met her. Sitting on the tail of Emmett's truck on the first day of high school, watching a tiny girl bounce towards us, towing a reluctant, lanky copper haired boy behind her. She bounded towards us, announced we'd all be "the very best of friends," and that was the end of that.

The lanky copper haired boy is sprawled on the floor, his upper body propped up against the armchair Alice is on. She's running her fingers through his hair, and he's practically purring with pleasure. They're soul mates through and through, friends since the cradle. I always thought they'd make the perfect couple, if Alice wasn't into girls. He's the prettiest man I've ever seen, with messy bronze hair and emerald green eyes. He's the shortest guy in our group, despite the fact he's 6"2, which only a couple of inches taller than he was in high school, which makes the fact that Alice managed to drag his ass across a parking lot. Despite his occasional man-whoring, he's the most responsible and adult like of us all, and is usually the voice of reason when Emmett convinces us to do something stupid. Like cliff-diving in La Push after a bottle of peach schnapps.

Speaking of my idiot brother... We have the same eyes, the same nose and the same wavy brown hair, but that's where the similarities end. He's built like a wall, 6"6 and made of pure muscle. He's intimidating as fuck, until he opens his mouth and you realize that he's just an oversized toddler. He's the sweetest, nicest guy you'll ever meet until you fuck with someone you love. Just ask Jake. And Jakes face.

Rosalie is sprawled across the love seat, her head propped up on Emmett's lap, her feet thrown over the end. It would be so easy to hate her. But she's my sister since the sandpit. Long blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes, the girl has the poise and grace of a ballerina. Until she opens her mouth. My girl swears like a sailor, thanks to growing up with Emmett and Jasper, not to mention Charlie and her dad. The girls a complete contradiction. Beautiful enough to grace the cover of magazines, but spends most days in a pair of overalls, covered in grease. Another thing that can be attributed to growing up with Charlie and Nate as influences. She reaches up, grabbing Emmett by his collar and pulling him down for an almost obscene kiss. I avert my gaze, because no matter how many times I've walked in on those two, and believe me, they have no shame, and go at it like animals, there's still some things I don't want to see. Like my brother with his tongue in his fiancé's mouth.

The sound of gagging makes me turn my head to Jasper. I'm leaning against his chest, his arm slung over my shoulder as he makes noises of disgust. You probably wouldn't be too happy about seeing your little sister (even if it's by three minutes) getting hot and heavy with anyone. I snicker as he hides his face in my hair. Out of everyone, I'm probably closest to Jasper. Emmett and I met the Whitlock twins when I was five, and Emmett was six and they moved into the house across the street. Since then, I haven't gone more than two days without seeing him. His hair is a wavy mess of honey blonde exactly the same shade as Rosalie's, his eyes the same cornflower blue. While Edward's hair was an unruly mess, which Alice had long ago given up trying to tame, Jasper's was just stubborn. No matter how much styling or product Alice subjected him to, an hour later it would be wavy again, falling into his eyes. Despite living in Washington for the majority of his life, but he still had a Texan drawl. Rose's accent faded over the years, only re-emerging when she'd been drinking. I think Jasper was just stubborn about it, refusing to let his accent fade in spite of the teasing he suffered in elementary school.

Jasper's hand grabs the bottle cap from my lap, before hurling it straight at Emmett's head with startling force. I'm extremely thankful that Alice doesn't have the arm on her that Jasper does, because Emmett yelps and jumps, and Rosalie collapses back on his legs, before glaring at Jasper.

"What? Stop doing that shit in front of me and I'll stop throwing shit at you," He replies, taking a sip from his beer.

Emmett smirks, pulling Rosalie into his lap. "Whatev's Jazzy."

"Okay!" Alice yells, because I'm not the only one who knows that Jasper may well try and throttle Emmett for that nickname. She holds up an almost empty bottle of rum, waving it around haphazardly. "This is the last of the alcohol, so I suggest we toast our Bellarina!"

She sloshes the amber liquid into the shot glasses on my coffee table, or at least attempts to. Her hand-eye co-ordination is fucked, and I'm pretty sure at least half ends up on the table.

She raises her shot glass first, blowing me a kiss. "Fuck wearing those fugly pant-suits everyday!" She crows triumphantly. Alice hated my work wardrobe with a violent passion.

Emmett is next, waving his glass around as he bellows. "Fuck Jacob Black!"

"Never again," Rosalie and Alice burst into laughter at this, and my brother sends me a grin.

"Fuck having to work with Irina!" Edward laughs. He's vehemently refused to step foot into Bertram & Stone for the past year because Irina once followed him into the elevator and grabbed his dick. Personally, I didn't really understand. She was a knock-out. But despite his man-whoring, Edward apparently liked to get a girls name before she got up, close and personal with his junk.

"Fuck working at that awful hellhole!" I add. Even I had no idea how I'd managed to last two years at Bertram & Stone.

"Fuck working with Tyler Crowley," Jasper adds with a huge smile. and everyone cheers, including myself. Tyler was a creeper of epic proportions, always there, always invading your personal space, and always evading sexual harassment charges. I really wouldn't miss him.

"And fuck living in this shit-hole!" Rose hollers. She's never concealed her disdain for my dingy little apartment, refusing to spend any more time than strictly necessary in it until tonight.

We all down our shots, and I look around at all my friends. This may have been the worst two weeks of my life, but they would have been a lot worse without these five amazing people. So. Maybe it's not the end of the world after all.


	2. 01: Moving Day

Disclaimer: All belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

Uploading earlier than I planned because reviewers are awesomesauce.

Bella

Okay. Most of the time I'm all about being a strong independent woman who can do things for herself. Unless I'm faced with the idea of moving back to Forks, or living in a cardboard box. Then I thank god that I have really awesome friends who are totally fine with letting me move in with them. Also, when faced with the prospect of moving boxes. Then I'm quite happy to play the 'poor weak female'. Who says being a hypocrite has to be such a bad thing?

"This is how moving should _always_ be done," Alice sings, taking a gulp of her spiked lemonade.

"Here here," Rosalie replies, sipping on her own drink, eyeing a sweaty Emmett as he hauls boxes of my crap through Jasper's yard.

"Rose, I love you to death, but if you don't stop eyeing my brother like a slab of man-meat, I'm going to have to gouge my own eyes out."

"Hate to break it to you Bells, but your brother _is_ a slab of man-meat," She snickers. And yep. Gross.

"She has a point. Check out those housewives. They look like they're all about to pass out from lust overload," Alice giggles. I look across the street, where at least 8 women are gathered, staring at the boys, who lost their shirts about half an hour ago, and are stretching and straining with my boxes. I've seen the men that live on this street, and they're all middle aged guys with receding hairlines and expanding waistlines. I can't exactly fault the Desperate Housewives for their ogling. I'm actually a little surprised that no one's broken out a video camera. Or at least a phone camera.

While the boys are hard at work, the three of us are lounging on a blanket in the garden, drinking lemonade with rum and 'supervising' the work. Which was bullshit. We were watching the boys get all hot and sweaty just like the housewives. Well. Rose and I were enjoying the show. Alice was enjoying watch the pretty blonde woman jog around the block.

Emmett collapses next to us on his way out of the house, laying back on the grass, panting. "If you aren't going to help us move your shit, at least pour me a drink."

"Sure thing big brother." I grab one of the empty glasses, pouring lemonade into it, handing it to the sweaty beast.

He wraps his arm around Rose's shoulder, pulling her towards him and planting a huge, sloppy kiss on her. Any other time, I'd be grossed out, but the utterly disgusted look on her face has Alice and I giggling our asses off.

"Get off me you oaf. You're all sweaty!" She snarls, punching him in the shoulder as she pushes him away. If he's gotten her clothes sweaty, he's a dead man. Because Alice will _castrate_ him.

"I thought you liked it when I got all sweaty," He wiggles his eyebrows. How are we related?

"Get off me before I turn the hose on you," She growls. Haha. She's _pissed._ This should be awesome. Understanding flits over Emmett's face, and he quickly releases her and shifts away, taking a huge gulp of his lemonade.

"Jesus. How much alcohol have you added to this? How have none of you ended up with liver damage?"

"Have you seen our parents?" Alice asks. "I'm the daughter of a wino socialite. You're father is Charlie Swan. The man drinks six packs for breakfast, and usually splits a couple with Nate just for fun. Our livers are superhuman by default. And going to college with you guys conditioned us to be able to drink most marines under the table."

"Which we proved at Seafair last year," Rosalie adds with a victorious grin. While Emmett had taken part in the Seafair Triathlon, because he's a crazy masochist, the rest of us holed up at Eclipse, watching the events and participating in drinking games with the marines. And we won.

Because we're made of awesome.

"Lazy fucker," Jasper gasps, dropping onto the grass before kicking Emmett in the shoulder. Emmett shoves his drink in Rose's hand before diving at Jasper, and the two idiots roll across the grass, trying to kick the crap out of each other.

"Here's to getting you moved in Bella," Edward adds as he sits down, raising a bottle of beer he's pilfered from Jasper's fridge. "All your crap is in your room."

"I don't understand how you have so many books, but so few shoes," Alice whines. Bless her and her undying love for all things fashion. She still can't wrap her head around the idea that I don't share her passion for fashion. You'd think after a decade of friendship, she'd have been able to grasp that, but what more can I do?

"Sorry shortstuff." I smirk, taking a generous mouthful of my lemonade.

"Fuck!"

All our heads whip around at the strangled gasp from behind us, only to find Emmett grasping at Jasper's forearm, which is pressed into his jugular. And Jasper just looks far too fucking smug about it.

"Okay kiddies. Stop trying to hump each other and get a beer," Rose snaps, and the two spring away from each other before making their way inside.

"Isn't it kind of irresponsible to give children alcohol?" Alice asks, and the three of us dissolve into giggles while Edward rolls his eyes.

* * *

><p>I grin as I look around my new room. It's gone 8, and everyone else has gone home. I've finally finished unpacking. All my crap is unpacked and situated and I'm so relieved I could burst. Jasper's house is beautiful, and Alice, Rose and Esme did a ridiculously amazing job decorating. He bought it when he got the advance for his first book. Then he handed the keys to them, and told them to do their worst. It's a big house, but it feels warm and homey. It's just very... Jazz. There are five bedrooms, and the day Jasper moved in we each called dibs, which just so happened to be decorated to suit each of us. Alice is sneaky that way, and Jasper just rolled with it because he had no plans for any of the rooms, except for a hairbrained and quickly vetoed plan to host a in-house paintball.<p>

I love this room. Alice decorated it in purple and grey and silver, and it felt more like home than my apartment ever did. And not just because my lease specified that I couldn't paint my own apartment. I've spent more nights in this bed than in the one in my apartment. Jasper, Emmett, Rose, Edward and Alice all live within five minutes of each other, while I lived on the other side of town. And all the nights we all spent talking and dancing and drinking meant that I slept here more than I slept at home.

And now it is home.

Strong arms wrap around my shoulders, and I feel my best friend drop his chin onto my head as I survey my newly-unpacked room.

"You okay sugar?"

"Yeah I'm good. Have I thanked you for letting me move in?"

"About thirty times. And I told you to stop. You agreed to cook and clean, which means I can cancel my cleaning service, and I don't have to live on take-out anymore."

I snort back a laugh. Jazz can't cook to save his life. The fucker can't even make toast.

"Yeah well. Tonight I'm exhausted, so I'm afraid you'll have to suffer through Chinese food again."

"I never said I disliked take-out. But it's bad for me. I'm getting all chubby."

I burst out into laughter. That's a load of shit. The boy's got abs you could wash clothes on.

"You're just fishing for compliments. I saw you with your shirt off today. You were getting your neighbours all hot and bothered." I reply as I hit him upside the head before grabbing my phone. That boy is incorrigible. He just grins at me before dragging me out of my room and downstairs.

I hop onto the counter once we reach the kitchen, and Jasper begins to rummage through the fridge while I call for takeout. He tries to walk past me, beer in hand, and I reach out and wrap my arm around his neck, pulling him towards me so that his back collides with me before I hang up the phone.

"What are you doing?" He asks in a half amused, half strangled tone. Whoops. Didn't mean to choke him.

"Where's my beer?"

"Next to you."

I let go in surprise, looking down to my side and see the frosty cold beer sitting next to me, and Jasper swaggers away, laughing his ass off.

"Movie?" He yells over his shoulder.

"Ohhh. Can we watch-" He cuts me off.

"Winona and Christian are already cued up on the DVD player," He snickers. Apparently I'm predictable.

"You're awesome."

"See. Know she gets it."

I follow him into the living room, dropping onto the sofa gracelessly and throw my legs over Jasper's lap. I love this sofa. All it needs is a mini-fridge and I'd gladly live on this thing for the rest of my life. Jasper begins to snicker uncontrollably as the film begins, and I begin to mouth along with the words.

Jasper

I close my bedroom door quietly, gently smacking the back of my head against the door. I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. I'm a masochist. I must be. It's the only explanation for why I'm doing this. For why I asked her to move in with me. She fell asleep, curled up next to me on the sofa, all warm and soft and beautiful. I knew I should have taken her upstairs as soon as her breathing evened out, but no. I'm a fucking moron. I swear to god, I wanted to claw my own ears off. Because on top of being the love of my life, the girl I want to spend forever with, Bella Swan is also a sleep talker. And she spent the past hour making these little moaning and whimpering noises that made me want to jump her right there on the couch. And because somehow the gentleman in me won through, I carried her to her room and ran for my fucking life. And now there's no way on earth I'll ever get to sleep. Because the girl I've loved since before I knew what cooties were is sleeping in the next room, and I can hear her still moaning and shit.

So I grab my cell phone, open my window and climb out onto the balcony. And I call the one person who will be able to talk to.

"Alice?"

"Hey Jazzy. Finally figured out that you're an idiot?"


	3. 02: Psychotic Pixie Pain

**A/N: I don't own. **

Jasper

My conversation with Alice did not help. At all. Stupid psychotic pixie pain in the ass! Okay. Maybe that's a little unfair. I love Ali to death, she keeps me sane. To anyone that isn't the two of us, our relationship must seem a little bit twisted. High school girlfriend who broke up with me after six months declaring that she was sorry, but that she wasn't into dudes, and we went to being best friends almost immediately. I thought Rose was going to beat her to death. She stood in the middle of school parking lot and screamed at Alice for 'using me like a fucking lab rat'. But it was never like that. Edward asked Bella out, I was heartbroken, and a bottle of tequila later and a drunken admission from Ali, and we were dating. She was the first girl I ever slept with. I loved her and she loved me, but it was never the right kind of love. We broke up not long after that. Her exact words were "Jazzy, I love you so much, but I have to tell you something. I'm into chicks, not dicks."

It was probably the weirdest and most amicable break up in history. We managed to skip the awkward post-break up phase that Edward and Bella went through, instead slipping into the easy friendship we were probably always supposed to have.

I smile as I think about Ali. She did manage to make me feel better about Bella moving in. There's no way Bells could have moved in with Emmett and Rose. She'd have been scarred for life with those exhibitionists. And while I loved Edward like a brother, thee man was the text-book definition of tortured artist, and she'd have taken a bat to his baby grand after a couple of his maudlin 2am piano sessions. And while Alice would have been the first to offer Bella a place to stay under any other circumstance, she'd met someone. Someone that she liked _a lot_. Someone that I'm pretty sure she loved. It made me laugh to think of Alice settling down with someone.

I can understand her reluctance to tell any of us about her girlfriend. Our relationship is built on always telling each other the truth, so there was no way she was going to hide this from me, but the chance of her telling the others any time soon were slim to none. Apart from Emmett and Rose, we've all attempted to introduce someone to the group, and it has never gone well. A couple of Edward's one-night skanks have ran away crying. The closest anyone got was Bella with Jacob. Even then, he never really fit with us. In my opinion, because we was an ass of epic proportions. But it's most likely because adding someone new to the mix throws everyone off a little. And Alice seems to really like her new girl. Throwing her to the wolves Is probably not the best idea.

After a few hours of stewing in my own stupidity and depression, I finally manage to fall asleep. For all of two hours, before Bella's alarm clock starts to shriek through the wall behind my bed. I hate that alarm clock. She's had it since high-school. It's this ugly little duck that shrieks and quacks. If my shotgun wasn't locked in the safe in my office, I'd shoot the fucking thing. Instead, I stomp into the next room, opening the door just as the duck collides with the wall next to the door. Unfortunately, that thing is made of adamantium, so the only thing that happens is that the battery falls out. Which does stop the thing from wailing, so I'm not exactly complaining. I stagger towards Bella's bed. Her head is buried under a pillow, and one of her legs is sticking out from under the duvet. Her skinny, pale leg that makes my breath hitch. Because I'm pathetic.

"Why is your alarm going off at 7am?" I ask, dropping down on top of the covers.

"I didn't know it was still set. Unlike you, I actually had to wake up early for work." She rasps, poking me in the ribs. I pull the pillow away from her head, snickering as she whines and groans at the sunlight. Her hair is sticking up at all angles, and I can't help but laugh.

"Shut up! We can't all look as pretty as you in the morning." She pokes me again. I swat her hand away before climbing under the covers. Her bed is comfier than mine.

"You're bed is comfier than mine."

"Well. Technically it's your bed. It's not my fault that you chose the wrong room."

"But my room looks over the garden. I like my view. Maybe I'll just switch the mattresses."

"Hell no. I've grown attached to this mattress."

I finally give up. "Come on. Seen and your awful alarm clock woke me up at the ass crack of dawn, you can make me breakfast." I grab her from underneath the covers, and drag her from the bed. If I'm going to keep my hands to myself, I'm going to have to buy her some flannel pyjamas. Or a onesie. Because she's wearing tiny little shorts that are doing wacky things to my brain. They're all silky. And short. And very, very sexy despite the ratty grey t-shirt they're paired with. The ratty grey Clash t-shirt. That is very fucking familiar.

"That's my t-shirt!" I growl, dropping her ass on the bed. She blushes, tugging the hem of the t-shirt down.

"Erm... I may have sort of kind of stolen it."

"I see that. I didn't even realise it was missing. When did you take it?"

"2001."

"Fuck it. It looks better on you anyway," I admit.

"I know," She giggles, hopping onto my back so that I can carry her lazy ass downstairs.

Bella

We head downstairs, and I lay my head against Jasper's shoulder, still wanting to climb back up to bed. It's 7am on a Saturday. It should be illegal to be up this early. He hooks his arms under my legs as he bounces down the stairs, and I run my fingers over the colourful lines that decorate his arms and shoulders. I smile against his shoulders as he sighs in contentment as my fingers continue to trace across his tattoo's.

You'd never believe he taught History at the University of Washington. His tattoo's stretched from his wrists to just below his ear on his right arm, and from his elbow to his shoulder on the left. The tattoo's and the eyebrow piercing and the scaffolding in his ear really don't equal respectable scholar. His first day lecturing, it took him fifteen minutes to get his classes attention because they thought he was a student. Which he never lived down because the five of us were sitting in the back row with popcorn.

But his appearance also means that his class is the most attended in the entire University. And I mean half the time there isn't room for standing on the first day of the semester. Over half of his class are love-struck girls in teeny tiny skirts. When Edward's feeling lonely, he'll swing by Jasper's class. Because he's a pervy old man.

Jazz deposits me in the kitchen, before staring at me with big sad blue eyes.

"Can we have pancakes?" I roll my eyes. After twenty years, that shouldn't still work. Bastard.

"Fine. Also, why do you have top of the range appliances when you can't cook... anything. You once set fire to a pan of water."

"Well. I figured if you were moving in, and cooking me lots of delicious meals, the least I could do was make sure you had the proper utensils." I shake my head. I hate it when they do that. Buy me things and come up with stupid reasons for me to accept these things without being able to be pissed about it. Except Alice. She just tells me to "Quit whining and take the fucking dress or I'll stick my shoe up your ass." Annoying, but refreshing.

"Do we need to have the conversation again?"

"No. I promise I'm not trying to make you feel bought or anything like that, but... they were shiny!"

It's too early for this argument, and he's pouting which will make me cave eventually. So, I'm just going to make pancakes and ignore him for a while.

I do just that, ignoring him as he hovers behind me, sliding pancakes onto the two plates he's taken out. After I finally turn the stove off, I feel a tug on my t-shirt, and turn around to see Jasper giving me the pout/puppy eyes double whammy.

"Asshat."

"You love me," he sings, wrapping his arm around me and grabbing a pancake from _my_ _fucking plate._

"Asshat."

"Mule."

"Asshat."

"Oh hush. Eat a pancake." And he shoves half of the stolen pancake into my mouth. Well. I suppose that's the end of that argument. I roll my eyes as he snickers and grabs Nutella from the cupboard, smearing it on his pancakes.

Someone starts banging on the door. Really fucking loudly considering it's half 7.

"Who's that?" Jasper mumbles, mouth full of chocolatey pancake.

"No idea." Emmett and Rose wouldn't be out of bed before 11am on a weekend, and neither Alice or Edward knock.

I make my way down the hall, yanking open the front door and preparing to growl at whatever salesman/religious fanatic/dead man walking is banging on the door.

The door opens and my mouth falls open, my rant dying into my throat. Because it isn't a salesman/religious fanatic at all. It's the asshole who cheated on me. And the petty girl inside of me is _really_ fucking happy at how shitty he looks.

"Jacob. What the fuck are you doing here?"


	4. 03: Sugar In Your Gas Tank

**A/N: Do not own. Also I'm sorry I haven't replied to reviews, FFnet won't let me. :( But I love you all. Because you're awesomesauce.**

Jasper

Jacob 'Fuckface' Black. And today was looking like it was going to be a good day. Eat some pancakes. Watch some TV. Write a little to keep Tanya from harping on at me. Watch some more TV. Eat dinner. And all with Bella being in my home, sharing the same space as me, making stupid jokes and just being Bella.

Perfect.

But now...this. Awesome. My dislike for the cockroach has (almost) nothing to do with the fact that he was romantically involved with the love of my life. I've managed to get on decently with some of the men that have come and gone from her life. Hell, the boy that took her virginity is practically my brother. So my dislike of Jacob is based purely on the fact that he's a asshole. And I wasn't the only one. Edward hates him. Alice really hates him, and Rosalie really, really fucking hates him. The only one who tried to give him a chance was Emmett, and that' because Jacob has the fortune of being Billy Black's son. And old family friend of the Swan's, and a genuinely nice, humble man. Pity his only son is such a pathetic dog. And Em was the one to punch Jacob in the face after 'The Secretary Scandal'. It was a good one as well.

"What do you want?" I ask him as I swing the door open. Okay. I didn't ask. I fucking snarled.

"I want to see my girlfriend," He growls at me, before trying to shove his way into my house. Not happening. He may be taller and heavier, but I grew up wrestling Emmett. I shove him out of the door, and he stumbles down the stairs.

"Ex-girlfriend. She dumped your philandering ass." And no. I can't stop the smirk that has broken out on my face. This doesn't go down too well with Fuckface. The mixed look of anger and confusion is pretty fucking comical.

"I made one fucking mistake, now move out of my way," He growls, coming back towards me. I push him back again. This could get very tedious, very quickly. Suddenly his demeanor changes, his fists uncurl and his face softens.

"Bella," He says in a sickeningly adoring voice. I chance a look back and see her standing behind me. In just my t-shirt. Oh this is not going to help.

"Jacob," She growls. That's my girl. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you. I wanted to explain, Bells," He says, pouting a little. Pathetic.

"You don't need to explain Jacob. You cheated on me. With Lauren Mallory. I saw you. No explanation needed there, asshole," She snarls. While the two of them are suitably distracted, I pull out my phone from the pocket of my pajamas.

_**Emmett, get over here. Black is on my porch. Jazz.**_

I shoot off the message, before returning my attention to what Bella and Jacob are saying. He's gone from contrite to shaking with anger. He's pointing at me. Why the fuck is he pointing at me?

"So I make one mistake and you start screwing this fucking redneck?" He screams. I have to hold back a snort of laughter. Bella rushes at him, and I grab her easily around the waist. Her hands are in front of her, curled into claws, and I have no doubt that she was about to scratch his eyes out.

"Don't you dare talk about Bella like that. You're the one that fucked this up. Be thankful that all you have is a black eye, because if I had my way, I'd have fucking killed you," I snarl at him.

"Fuck you Whitlock. You think that just because she's fucking you she cares? She's a fucking whore," He screeches. I drop my arms in shock, reading to pummel him to death.

Unfortunately, Bella is just biding her time until I let go. She flies at him, and swings her fist, colliding it with his jaw, before hitting him in the nose with her other fist. For a tiny girl, she packs a punch, and Jacob crumples to the ground like a marionette whose strings have been cut.

"Ow! Ow ow fuckity ow!" She screeches, clutching her hand. This is enough to snap me out of staring at Jacob's crumpled for, and I rush forward, looking at her hand.

"Sweetheart, that was spectacular, but next time, let me hit him. I know how to throw a punch," I say softly as I examine her hand. Its starting to swell, so I lead her into the kitchen, and find a bag of frozen peas.

"Yeah I know. But I was just so mad. And I've never hit anyone before," She mumbles. Her face has turned that adorable shade of pink, and it makes my heart trip.

"That's what I'm here for, silly girl."

"WHITLOCK!" a booming voice announces, waltzing into the house. I smirk.

"In the kitchen," I yell. "Go put some pants on." I tell her, and she glances down.

"Shit. No wonder he thought we were sleeping together," She replies, her face flushing bright red. She quickly darts of through the hallway, passing Emmett on the way.

"Jesus Bella. Put some fucking clothes on." He whines as she passes him.

"Where do you think I'm going, moron," She yells over her shoulder.

"Hey Jazz. I see you managed to knock out Black. It feels good doesn't it," He grins.

"I didn't touch him. Your sister went all Rocky on his ass. I'm actually beginning to get a little jealous of the fact that I've not been able to hit him yet," I snort. Emmett's mouth drops open, and he stays frozen that way till Bella comes back downstairs, still in my shirt, but with a pair of sweat pants on.

"Did you break Emmett?" She asks, cocking her head to the side.

"Maybe," I shrug, before grabbing the plate of pancakes that are still on the counter. "Mmm. I'm so glad I asked you to move in," I say with a grin. Pancakes. I freaking love pancakes.

"No problem," She grins, picking up her own plate with one hand. I take the plate, cutting her pancakes into bite sized pieces. She throws an epic bitch brow at me, and I just raise an eyebrow at her, before she huffs and skewers a piece of her pancake. When we've finished, Emmett is still staring off into space, his mouth hanging open.

"Jasper?" I hear a voice calling.

"We're in the kitchen Rose," I call back.

"Hey guys, Jacob is waking up," She says, walking in. She stops short when she see's Emmett.

"Did you break my fiance?" She asks with a smirk.

"Yup," I reply, before heading into the front garden. Rosie is right, and Jacob is slowly regaining consciousness. I can't really stop myself, and I punch him once more. He goes out like a light.

I wander back into the kitchen, and find Rose chowing down on some pancakes.

"Has he come round yet?" She asks.

"Yeah. I punched him again though," I explain, grabbing a glass of water. Walking over to Emmett, I throw it in his face. He starts sputtering and gasping.

"You okay there big guy?" I ask with a smirk.

"Dude, what the fuck. Rose? Where the hell did you come from?" He asks, confusion flitting across his face.

"About few minutes ago, idiot. You've been staring into space, catching flies. Which you deserve. Fucker ran out of the house like a racehorse without telling me fucking anything," She replies with a glare. Emmett gives her a sheepish grin before spinning round to face Bella.

"You punched Jacob?" He asks, a little awed.

"Yeah. It hurt like a bitch too," She grumbles.

"I know! Dude, it's like his head is filled with cement!" He exclaims.

"That explains his personality then," Rose smirks, and I start to laugh, and the others join in.

"Bella!" Alice screeches, running into the kitchen, before wrapping her arms around Bella.

"Hey Ali," she laughs.

"I'm so fucking proud of you,"

"How did you ev- Never mind."

There's no point is asking how Alice knows things. She just does.

"Thanks," Bella laughs. Her eyes go wide, and I spin round to find Carlisle Cullen in my kitchen, Edward behind him.

"Good morning Bella. I hear you injured your hand," Carlisle says in the same smooth and controlled voice as Edward.

"Yeah. Jacob ran into my fist," She replies. Carlisle stifles a laugh before walking towards Bella. I notice he has his emergency medical kit with him and send Edward a nod of appreciation. Bella and the good doctor became close acquaintances right after the Cullen's moved to Forks, and it had more to do with her sheer clumsiness than it did her relationship with Edward.

The rest of us head to the front lawn, and we find Jacob regaining consciousness. Before I can make a move, Emmett has him by the collar, and is holding him up in the air. Jacob's eyes widen in fear upon seeing the rage in Emmett's face.

"What did I tell you the last time we talked, Black," Emmett says, in a deadly calm voice.

"Y-y-ou t-t-told me to stay away from her."

"So what are you doing here motherfucker," my sister snarls, flanking Emmett on one side. I walk up to his other side.

"I had to see her! I had to explain!" He shrieks in a terrified voice. I honestly think he's about to piss himself.

"No you didn't. What you did was pretty fucking self explanatory. She never wants to see you again, and I sure as fuck never want to see you again. So back the fuck off, and stay out of her life" I growl.

"And if you don't, be damn certain that you will not walk away," Edward tells him. I fight back the urge to laugh at Jacob's expression. No man as pretty as Cullen should be threatening, but when he's angry, even Emmett knows better than to mess with him. And right now, he isn't angry. He's murderous. Out of the corner of my eye I see Alice dancing over to Jacob's bike.

Emmett clocks it too, but keep's the poker face on.

"What Edward is saying, is that if you ever, and I mean ever, come within a hundred feet of Bella, we will fucking kill you. Slowly, painfully and brutally," Emmett's face shows that he is telling the truth. As Alice walk back over, hands held behind her back, and her I-just-did-something-awesome smirk on, Emmett drops Jacob to the floor. He quickly scrambles off, fleeing for his bike. He shoots Emmett a terrified glance, before speeding out of there like a bat out of hell.

"Pix, what did you do?" I ask. She grins at me, before pulling an empty bag of sugar from behind her back. I snort back a laugh.

"You put sugar in his gas tank?" Emmett gasps, practically rolling round on the floor.

"Why would you do that?" Edward asks, confused.

"Well, I heard that if you put sugar in someone's gas tank, it dissolves, before hardening in the engine. Like cement. They have to replace it." She grins maliciously,

"That's bull," Rose replies, helping Emmett up. I feel a little disappointed, until an evil grin stretches across Rosalie's face. "But his bike will probably break down on his way home. He'll have to change the fuel filter a few times, or possibly dump out the gas tank," She laughs manically. My sister, the sadist.

"How much will that cost?" Edward asks.

"Couple of hundred dollars" She replies, before high fiving Alice. I wrap an arm around Alice, and she sends me a beatific smile.

We find Bella and Carlisle in the kitchen, as he explains that she's sprained her thumb, and that she'll be fine. When we sit down, each of us wearing shit-eating grins, Bella looks at us suspiciously.

"Why do you all look so happy?" She asks warily. We each glance at one another, and simultaneously crack up. Sometimes, I really do love Alice.


	5. 04: Little Lies

**A/N:** Do not own. But I love you all so very, very much. Hugs and kisses all round!

Bella

The rest of the day was uneventful, although I was a little loopy from the pain medication Carlisle dosed me with. The rest of the gang slowly made their way home though the day, and Jasper and I settled down on the couch. We ordered in, and we're digging into pad Thai when there's an angry knock on the door.

"Jesus Christ, when did my home become Grand Central?" Jasper huffs, making his way to the door. A few seconds later, our mystery guests storms into the living room.

"Dad?" I ask. Jasper drops down on the couch, looking just as confused as I feel.

"Bella. We need to have a serious talk. I want to know why you've been lying to me," My father practically growls, but still managing to look hurt at the same time. He's also glaring at Jasper. I don't know what's more surprising. That my Dad is pissed at me, or that he's pissed at Jasper. In the 20 years I've known Jazz, Charlie has never been angry with him. I'm pretty sure he loves Jazz and Rose more than he loves me and Emmett.

"Lying to you?" I ask. Dumbfounded.

"Billy came to talk to me today. He told me that you broke Jake's heart, and that you we're sleeping with Jasper while you were with him. I always suspected there was a little more to you two than friends, but to hurt Jake like this is unacceptable. And to have Jasper beat him up, and ruin his bike. I know I raised you better than that Isabella Marie Swan," He looks angry, disappointed and uncomfortable all at the same time. I'm in too much shock to even speak right now. Dad takes a deep breath, and looks like he's about to continue.

Luckily, Jasper come to the rescue.

"Charlie, excuse my language, but that's fucking bullshit," Jasper spits out. Dad's eyes widen in shock.

"Bella and Jacob didn't break up because she cheated on him. They broke up because Bella came to surprise him at work and found him having sex with his secretary." Dad's eyebrows are practically up to his hairline now. No mean feat for someone who's hair is receding.

"Jacob was hounding her for a week before Emmett decided he'd had enough, and had a…_conversation_ with Jacob. Bella moved in here, and Jacob came here this morning. After screaming at us, in front of my neighbors, he called Bella a whore," I wince as intense fury passes over both their faces.

"Before I could break his jaw, your daughter punched him in the face," He concludes. My dad looks at me, a trace of a smile on his face.

"Good for you Bells. But why didn't you tell me any of this?" He asks, looking hurt.

"Because, you and Billy are best friends. I didn't want to come between the two of you," I mumble, gnawing on my lip.

"Bella. Billy might be my best friend, but you're my daughter. And the next time I see Jacob Black, we'll be having a discussion, that's for damn sure," He growls. What's with all of the men in my life snarling like freaking animals? It's unsettling.

"What did you mean about ruining Jake's bike?" I ask. Jasper starts to giggle like a fucking schoolgirl at that.

"Well, Jake's bike broke down today. He's convinced that Jasper has something to do with it," Charlie replies, sending amused but accusing glances at a still giggling Jasper.

"Jasper Nathaniel Whitlock. Explain," I say, smacking him upside the head.

"Ow woman. I didn't do anything. While Emmett, Edward and I were telling Jake about all the delightful things we'd do to him if we ever saw him again, Alice filled his gas tank with sugar she pilfered from the kitchen," He snorts. Well. That explains the fucking deviant ass smirks they were all sporting this morning. Charlie cracks up.

"She does realize that it doesn't actually turn to cement in the engine, right?" He asks between gasps.

"She does now, but at the time she honestly thought it would fuck it up completely," Jasper smirks.

"Right. Well. I think I need to apologize to you kids," Charlie says, looking serious.

"No need Charlie. It was just a misunderstanding."

"Thanks Jasper. Right, I better head back," He adds, standing up.

"No chance. Your not driving all the way back to Forks now. Go take Alice's room, and you can leave in the morning," I tell him. He looks exhausted.

"No, I don't want to impose on you kids."

"Don't be a moron, Chief. You can't drive back now. Come on, I'll get you some fresh sheets," Jasper adds. The two of them disappear to the laundry room. I head up to bed. I have a job interview tomorrow. The thought of getting up at 8am has me in a seriously foul mood, especially after the dramatic shenanigans of today. Well. That's life.

Jasper

There is only one man I have ever actually been afraid of. Sure. I have a healthy amount of respect for my father, as well as Emmett and Edward. They can be both scary motherfuckers when the urge strikes, and even though my father's more the 'I'm very disappointed in you' type than the screaming one, he's the type that demands respect. Hell, I've even been wary of Peter on occasion. But only one man has ever made me quake in my shoes like a scolded 7 year old.

And I just found him on my porch, looking like he's about to fucking castrate me. At least he's left the gun at home. Please god, tell me he's left the gun at home.

Thankfully the situation is diffused quickly enough, and Bella asks Charlie to spend the night. He quickly agrees before sending me a 'we-need-to-talk' glare. Shit.

Bella heads off to bed, and Charlie follows me to the laundry room. Now I'm trapped. Shit.

"Jasper, I need to apologize. I really shouldn't have barged into your home throwing accusations around like that," He looks so uncomfortable. The only time I remember him being this bad was the day he caught Em and Rose buck-ass naked in Emmett's car in high school. He proceeded to give them a half hour lecture on the birds and the bees, while Bella and I eavesdropped from the stairs, laughing our asses off.

"It's fine Charlie. Bella just didn't want you pulling your Glock on that douchebag," I smile.

"Believe me, the next time I see that little fucker, he's gonna wish I pulled a gun on him," Charlie snarls. I quirk an eyebrow.

"Little fucker? Really Charlie. He's like, a foot taller than you," I smirk. He whacks me over the head with a laugh.

"Yeah, yeah. Look. I get that Bella likes her privacy, but this is the first time I've been able to get hold of her in a fortnight. What the hell's been going on?" He asks, desperation in his voice. I let out a sigh.

"She's had a really shitty couple of weeks Charlie. She got let go two weeks ago. She went straight to Jacob's office, and found him there with Lauren Mallory. She's Jacob's secretary, and we knew her in high school. She's a fucking bitch," Charlie glances at me reproachfully "Well she is. She was fucking horrible to Bella in high school. Anyway, she dumped his ass, but he kept showing up at her apartment. So she stayed with Emmett for a couple of days, then Edward. Then her douche of a landlord upped her rent, which she can't afford, so she lost the apartment. I told her to move in here, and we brought her stuff here yesterday," I explain to him. I lead him into the kitchen and grab a couple of beers. From the expression on his face, he could sure use one.

"Damn. Why didn't she say anything to me?" He asks, taking the beer, and taking a long pull on the bottle.

"You know your daughter. She didn't want you to worry, and she didn't want to upset you with the shit going on with Jacob," I reply.

"Does she have any leads on a job?" He asks.

"Yeah. I had a talk with my editor, Tanya, and she says they're looking for a new junior editor. I told her about Bella, and she agreed to give her an interview. I think she's going in tomorrow,"

"Well, it's seems like you've got a handle on everything," He says, somewhat begrudgingly.

"Chief, she needs you. It's been messing with her, having you not knowing what's going on. She won't say it, but she's probably pretty relieved that you know now," I say with a small smile. He rolls his eyes at me, but claps me on the back.

"You're a good kid, Whitlock. I'm going to bed. If things get worse, call me. I'll be here in 3 hours. Less if I use the lights on the cruiser," He wiggles his eyebrows. I snort back a laugh before leading him upstairs, giving him the spare room Alice always uses. It's a fluffy pink nightmare, but at least he won't have to think about all the kinky shit that goes on in the bed like he would if it was Em and Rose's room. Tomorrow is going to be a interesting day.

I have a few theories about Tanya that I need Bella's opinion about, and I have me least favorite class tomorrow afternoon. 60 students. 5 are guys. I swear, it's like trying to teach at the Playboy mansion. 55 18 year old girls, pulling the Basic Instinct move. Yup. Definitely an interesting day.


	6. 05: Interviewstuff

**A/N:** Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated! Okay. I'm so, so sorry. Work has taken over my life, but I refuse to allow myself to get snowed in again like last time! So tonight there are a couple of chapters coming to you and then a normal scheduling post shall resume, with updates coming every Monday. I love you all. Because you're made of awesome.

Bella

After a sufficiently awkward breakfast between me, Dad and Jazz, Dad heads back to the fantastic wonderland of Forks, WA, and I get ready for my interview at Denali Publishing. It hasn't escaped my notice that the person interviewing me happens to be Jasper's editor, but right now my funds are at an all time low, so I'm going to take whatever I can get, nepotism be damned. I quickly search through my wardrobe that Alice so thoughtfully color co-ordinated. That little pixie bitch… I whip out my phone, pressing the speed-dial present for the little munchkin.

"Morning sweetie. What's the crack?" She asks cheerfully. Only Alice can be cheery at 7am.

"Alice. Care to explain what happened to all my work clothes?" I ask though clenched teeth. She begins to giggle down the phone.

"I told you silly. I burned them," She replies, and I swear to god I can almost hear the fucking superior grin on her face.

"Alice. I'm going to fucking kill you. I have a job interview in an hour, and I have nothing to wear," I snarl.

"Oh quiet down, you grump. You really think I'd leave you in the lurch like that?" She asks "Go into my room. In the wardrobe is your outfit" She tells me. I sprint out of the hallway in my towel, and dart into Alice's room. I open the cherry wood wardrobe, and find my 'Alice Approved' outfit. I'll give credit where credit's due. It's a pretty decent outfit. Black linen pants with a blue silk blouse.

"Damn you. Pixie wench," I mutter into the phone jammed between my ear and shoulder as I shrug the pants on.

"I knew you'd love it," She replies smugly "Wear it with the blue silk ballet flats" She tells me before promptly hanging up the phone. Well, at least she gave up on her mission to have me wear heels.

I find the offending shoes at the back of my cupboard, knocking two shoe boxes on my head in the process. I pull the shoes on as I run down the stairs. Bad. Fucking. Idea. I manage to make it almost to the bottom before my foot catches and I pitch forward. Oh. This is going to be funfuckingtastic. For someone who has no sense of balance whatsoever, my reflexes are pretty fast, and I manage to throw my arms in front of my face before I hid the hardwood floor.

I hit into something fairly solid. But it isn't as painful as it should be. And I'm not bleeding. I move my arm and open my eyes. Huh. I'm hovering about a couple of feet above the floor. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot much?

"You alright there sugar?" a familiar voice chuckles from above me. I crane my neck around to see Jasper laughing at me, with his arms wrapped around my waist. I grin at him.

"Well it wouldn't be an average day for me without some death defying stunt," I smirk.

"Ain't that the truth," He laughs, before placing me gently on the ground.

"Okay, I'm running late, have you seen my car keys?" I ask, picking up my other shoe and wedging it on my foot.

"Yeah. I hid them. I'm driving you in today. I need to give my new chapters to Tanya," He says, slinging an arm round my shoulder and dragging me from the house. I glance at him, and find him in a pair of ripped up jeans and a checkered shirt. The sleeve on A faded Guns N Roses t-shirt, and a battered pair of converse he's had since he was fifteen complete the ensemble.

"And you wonder why the faculty don't take you seriously," I smirk.

"There's no fast and hard rule that all history professors have to wear tweed you know," He laughs.

"You'd look good in tweed. We could even get Alice to sew some of those nerdy leather patches on the elbows," I grin.

He ruffles my hair affectionately, pulling open the passenger door of his car. I love Jasper's car. It makes me fucking giggle every time I get in it. It's a black 1969 Dodge Charger, with the Confederate Battle Flag on the roof. It's like the General Lee's emo twin. For his birthday, I'm seriously considering getting Rose to fix the horn to play 'Dixie'. He'd fucking love it.

Jasper guns the engine, and we speed out of his nice little residential neighborhood.

Jasper

I fucking love my car. Bella may take the piss, but it's my pride and joy. I was almost tempted to have it painted orange when I first got it, but decided that might be taking it just a little bit too far.

I pull into the underground parking lot at Denali Publishing. One of the perks of being a published author walking into this place is that we don't have to wait in the lobby. The receptionist recognizes me, and we take the elevator straight to Tanya's floor.

"Jasper!" Tanya calls, spotting us when we step off the elevator "And you must be Bella. It's so good to finally meet you," Tanya babbles with a bright smile. Bella seems to get a little less nervous. It's kind of impossible to be nervous around Tanya once she opens her mouth. She's a stunning woman, soft strawberry blonde hair falling down to her waist, and bright blue eyes. While her looks could probably be intimidating in the right setting, she's so genuinely nice and soft spoken that as soon as she talks to you, your instantly at ease.

"Hey Tanya. I come bearing gifts," I grin, pulling her into a hug. She lets go of me, before pulling Bella into a hug as well.

"Bella, it's so nice to meet you. Jasper's told me a lot about you," She smiles, and Bella grins back.

"it's nice to finally meet the woman that manages to get Jasper to actually meet a deadline. God knows none of us ever could in college," Bella jokes, punching me in the arm.

"Hey! I graduated, didn't I? You did your job," I fire back.

"Anyway. You said presents. Don't tell me you actually managed to write those chapters?" Tanya asks, wide eyed.

"Yes I did. Try not to die of shock," I grin, rifling through my bag and pulling out the right folder. "Enjoy."

"Oh yeah. Trying to turn more of your ramblings into something coherent is just what my social life needs," Tanya grimaces.

"I'm brilliant and you know it," I smirk

"No one said you weren't brilliant Whitlock. But your stream of consciousness bullshit is ridiculous to decipher," Bella says, smacking me upside the head.

The three of us begin to head towards Tanya's office.

"I still don't understand. Your first manuscript barely needed editing," Tanya says, shaking her head as we walk in. Tanya takes a seat behind her desk, and Bella takes the seat in front of the desk. I sprawl across the sofa the lines one side of the room.

"That's because Bella went through it. She "De-Jaspered" it," I smirk "She told me no one would publish my work if I sent in my first draft."

"How much did he pay you to edit his first manuscript?" Tanya asks, curious. Bella snorts a laugh.

"He didn't pay me. I've had to do it for him since high school. He give me pizza and beer for as long as I'm working though," She laughs. Tanya soon joins in and I'm left there glaring at the two of them.

"Alright. Jasper, go bother Angela, she'll entertain you while I interview Bella," Tanya tells me, waving her hand dismissively at me.

"Can't I stay here?" I ask, pouting.

"No. Go on. Angela will keep you busy for a while," She says. Despite my best efforts, I'm sent packing.

Bella

I laugh as Jasper slinks off, looking all dejected. I glance again at Tanya. She really is beautiful, but not in an obnoxious way. She's also pretty fucking funny. I like her.

"Okay, I've looked over your resume, and you seem to be pretty much perfect for the job. The other applicant's have all been a bit, well.. lackluster," She grimaces.

"Erm…Thanks?" She snickers at my obvious discomfort.

"Anyway, the fact that you managed to turn anything Jasper wrote into something, well, readable, speaks volumes about your abilities as an editor. So now, I just kind of want to get to know you. Jasper talks about you and your friends a lot. You seem like a very close group," She smiles wistfully.

"Yeah, we are. Jasper has been my best friend for... Well, forever. He and his sister lived in the house across the road from me and my brother when we were kids. We've been best friends since the day we met. And then we met Alice and Edward when we went to high school. The six of us have been together through thick and thin," I smile.

"Wow. So, you and Emmett are siblings, and so are Jasper and Rose. Are the other two siblings as well?"

"Oh, no. Well. Kind of. They do fight like siblings," I smirk "When Alice came out, her parents kicked her out and she moved in with Edward and his family. They have been best friends since they they were born, so Esme and Carlisle sort of adopted her," I grin.

We chatted for a while longer, about our favorite books, before Jasper comes back.

"Ladies, how long can this interview possibly last? I'm really fucking bored," He whines

"Oh, the interview finished about a half hour ago. I'm just getting to know Bella," Tanya smirks.

"Okay. That's it. I'm taking my best friend back, you kidnapper," He pouts, before picking me up, slinging me over his shoulder.

"Jasper Nathaniel Whitlock, put me down right fucking now!" I screech

"Nathaniel?" Tanya laughs.

"Isabella Marie Swan!" He replies, smacking me on the ass.

"Put me down right now or I swear to god, I will give Edward and Emmett the photos from my 17th birthday party," I snarl. He drops me like a sack of potatoes onto the sofa.

"What photos would these be?" Tanya asks, curiosity and amusement playing out on her face.

Before I can answer, Jasper's hand claps over my mouth.

"A deal is a fucking deal Swan. And are you going to hold that fucking night over my head for my entire existence?" He whines.

"I'm the only one who knows where those photos are. So yeah. I am" I giggle. He rolls his eyes, but wraps an arm around my waist, hauling me up. I swear, the boy thinks I'm physically incapable of walking. While I might be physically incapable of walking without tripping over, I can actually walk. I let out a pitiful attempt at a growl, but he just chuckles, before saying goodbye to Tanya and dragging me from the office and into the elevator. As soon as the door close, I turn on him.

"Well, seen as you feel the need to fucking manhandle me, your buying me lunch, bitch," I say, cuffing him in the arm. He grins, before wrapping his arms around my shoulders, tucking my head under his chin.

"Anytime sweetheart," he chuckles. I wrap my arms around his waist, and revel in the warmth and comfort that spreads through me. Eventually, the door dings open, and Jasper unwraps himself from around me, although he leaves one arm wrapped around my shoulder.

"Come on. Let's get you fed. I have class this afternoon," He sighs. Poor sad little Jasper. Being hit on by 18-year old sorority chicks. He leads such a hard life.

Speaking of 18-year old sorority chicks;

_**Cullen! I'm crashing Jasper's afternoon class. You feel like keeping me company? X**_

Jasper and I head down the street to a deli around the corner.

"I'm telling you Bella, this place makes the best sandwiches in the world,"

"Better than mine?" I ask.

"Yeah. Only slightly. But still. You'll love them," He grins. My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I pull it out.

_**An afternoon of hunting sounds delightful Swan. You gonna be my wing-woman?**_

_**You know it. And really? Hunting? You're a major douchebag. X**_

Jasper lets out a bark of laughter, and I realize he's been reading my messages over my shoulder. Cheeky fucker.

"So I take it your coming to my class this afternoon?" He asks with a lazy grin.

"You bet. Watching you get all tense and uncomfortable while barely legal girls flash their panties at you is one of my favorite past-times."

We grab food from the deli, and I have to admit to Jasper, these sandwiches are possibly the best I've ever eaten. He acts like a smug bastard for the rest of the morning.

"Right. Come on. We need to get back to the car. Some of us actually have paying jobs," He teases, leading me back to Denali Publishing.


	7. 06: Hot For Teacher

Bella

"Hey man. You ready to get your professor vibe on," Edward smirks as we approach him. He's leaning against the wall next to Jasper's classroom, looking utterly at ease. The usual gaggle of girls that attend Jazz's class are whispering and giggling to each other. He smirks at us, and I roll my eyes as my boys bump fists in greeting.

"I don't know if I should even bother. They'll get pretty distracted by your pretty hair."

"Like your one to talk," Edward replies, ruffling Jasper's hair.

"Alright girls, put the claws away. Your both pretty." I grab their cheeks, making a kissy face at them. They are apparently unamused.

"You know, your not fucking funny," Jasper comments, and Edward nods his head frantically.

"I am, and you love me. Now get in there and do your thing," I grin, shoving him though the door and too his podium.

"Come on. I'm sure you want to stare at all the pretty girls," I grin, grabbing Edwards hand and pulling him into the classroom. We walk to the back of the auditorium. After a few trips to Jasper's class, we figured we'd distract him less if we were at the back of the classroom. Edward also prefers it because he can check out the 'talent' better from this vantage.

"So, you have your eye on any hot, young thing in particular?" I ask with a smirk when we sit down. The students are slowly filing in.

"Nah not really. I think it might be time to actually start dating girls who can hold an intelligent conversation," He replies. I hold my palm to his forehead.

"Are you okay. You don't have a fever. Wait. This is like 'Invasion Of The Bodysnatchers' isn't it. You're not really Edward Cullen. You're some sort of evil alien, bent on ruining his playboy status."

"Jasper's right. You're not fucking funny."

"Yes I am. But seriously, the last girl you dated who could hold an intelligent conversation was me, so that might be a good idea," I snicker. "So if you aren't out to hook up with any of Jazz's students, why'd you come to the class?" I ask.

"I actually enjoy Jasper's lectures. And someone needs to keep you company," He smirks.

"And just because you don't plan on actually dating any of the scantily-clad ladies doesn't mean you don't want to look."

"Yep, and then there's that," He laughs back. We sit back and watch Jasper give his lecture on the soldiers of the Civil War.

Edward

I'm trying desperately to hide my grin as I watch Bella watching Jasper give his lecture. She looks positively hypnotized Jasper might be a charismatic bastard, but even he doesn't ooze this much charisma. She's staring at him with so much love and pride. Bella may think that I come here to check out girls, and I'll admit, the scenery isn't half bad, but I come to Jasper's lectures with her mainly to watch her reaction. Trying to pick up girls with Bella here is fucking pointless. She's a cock-blocker extraordinaire. She has spent the 9 months Jasper has been teaching sending death glares to any girl that dared to hit on Jasper. I don't think she even realizes she does it. I'll admit, I've managed to make my way around a decent proportion of the women in the room. But none of them ever dared talking to me when Bella was sitting next to me. I continue to glance at her, and notice her tracing patterns on her wrist.

My valiant attempt to hide my smirk just failed, completely. I watch out of the corner of my eye as she gently rubs her wrist. To the casual observer, it might look like she's rubbing the skin underneath her watch, but I know better. She wears the watch on her right wrist for work, or like this morning, job interviews. It covers the only plainly visible tattoo she has. The others are hidden under her clothes, five tattoo's for the five of us. On the inside of her right wrist is the first bar of a song Jasper wrote for Bella for her 18th birthday. He has the same tattoo on his left wrist. I grin as I remember her other tattoo's. A Swan on her hip for her brother, a devilish looking pixie on her shoulder that looks exactly like Alice, and a rose behind her right ear. Three guesses who that one's for, and the first two don't count. To be fair, Rosalie has a bell behind the same ear. All thanks to an entire bottle of tequila junior year of college. I smile as I think about the lion from my family crest that is tattooed on her lower back.

I'm distracted from my musings when I realize that Bella is staring at me, eyebrow quirked.

"What the fuck, Cullen?" She asks in a vaguely amused voice.

"Sorry love. Zoned out," I reply, sending her a grin. She rolls her eyes at me before returning to stare at Jasper, and she begins to trace patterns over her tattoo again. She only does it when she's nervous or upset. It calms her down.

Again I'm snapped out of my reverie by the thought that I have spent the past 45 minutes mulling over Jasper and Bella's relationship. I'm noting her fucking body language for the love of all that is holy. I need to get laid. Or at the very least I need to get them laid so I can focus on my own disastrous love life. I need reinforcements…


	8. 07: If I Were A Storm

Bella

After Jasper's class, the three of us head into his office. We have about twenty minutes till his office hours start.

"So if you had office hours, am I supposed to walk home, or hang in your office while teenagers try and seduce you?" I ask Jasper with a smirk. He looks a little dumbstruck for a moment.

"Huh. I suppose I should have let you drive after all," He replies with a sheepish grin.

"Don't worry about it Whitlock, I'll take her home."

"I could take myself home if someone hadn't hidden my freaking car keys." I glare.

"To be fair, it probably would have broken down at some point today," Edward replies, and Jasper smirks at the dig to my truck. They're right, but I don't have to admit anything. To be honest at this point I don't even care anymore. Dad bought the car from Billy Black, and Jacob is the one that restored the engine. It reminds me of him, and at this point I'm sorely tempted to have it cubed, and leave it on his door step with a bow on it. Instead I fake anger and stick out my tongue.

We hang out for a while longer talking nonsense, before Jasper kicks us out of his office with a mock growl.

"Later Whitlock," I yell over my shoulder, and Edward blows him a kiss. He simply flips us off before taking the first student into his office. Edward and I walk past the long line of co-ed's queued up outside the office laughing at the girls prepping and primping. I'm actually a little amazed that he ever manages to make his way home after this.

We make our way to Edward's Volvo. Edward has undying loyalty to the Volvo dealership in Forks. Every car he has ever owned has been bought from that dealership. Damn Volvo whore.

"So Swan. How did the interview go?" He asks.

"Pretty good. I think. I met the woman who has the honor of editing Jazz's books. She's freaking stunning," I exclaim. He eyes me speculatively.

"You think she likes Jasper?" He asks, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. I ponder that for a minute. Does she like Jasper? They'd make a stunning couple. Pretty kids. The whole 9 yards. The thought makes a burst of anger shoot through me. Where the fuck did that come from? Edward looks beyond amused.

"What?" I ask defensively "She might like him. He seems to annoy her to be honest,"

"Jasper annoys the hell out of all women. They find it annoying, then endearing, then adorable. It's the Whitlock Way," He snorts. I giggle a little at his evaluation.

"To be honest, that sounds like a bit of a lengthy process."

"Not really. Then tend to speed straight from annoyed to enamored in under ten minutes," He smirks. I force a smile onto my face as the unease spreads through me.

We spend the rest of the journey in comfortable silence, before pulling up at the house.

"You feel like coming in and watching a movie?" I ask as I open the car door. A look flashes across his face.

"Erm…no. Gotta go see Alice," He mumbles. I suddenly pinpoint the emotion that flitted across his face.

"Why do you look guilty?" I growl, eyes narrowed. Edward's eyes widen, and his mouth drops open, and it takes all concentration not to burst into a fit of giggles.

"Erm…well…eh…it's..uh…nothing!" He stutters quickly, before practically shoving me out of the car.

"Rude much?" I yell at his car as he screeches off down the street. Bastard. The light drizzle that started during Jasper's class has gotten steadily heavier, and by the time I jog to the front door, I'm soaked. Fuck. I climb up the stairs, shedding my waterlogged clothes. Fucking hell, even my underwear is soaked. Less than a minute. How the hell? I yank of my underwear, and pull on the Clash t-shirt. It's dry and warm and oh so comfortable. There's nothing quite as comfortable as a well worn t-shirt. I'm really not in the mood for any of the lacy, frilly contraptions that Alice has replaced all my underwear with. When the hell did that happen? Sneaky little… ugh. I stomp down the hallway to Jasper's room, pulling his underwear draw and pulling out a clean pair of boxer shorts. I pull them on, before padding downstairs. I turn the TV on, before pulling down the cashmere throw that hangs over the back of the couch. Curling up on the sofa, I flick though the channels. The rain becomes steadily heavier, and a feeling of dread forms in the pit of my stomach.

"Fuck, Fuckfuckfuck," I mumble to myself, flicking to the weather channel.

Oh….

Jasper

…Fuck. The storm that has been building since this afternoon is getting to a ridiculous point. I collapse into my car, dripping rain water all over the leather seats. Awesome. I pull my jacket off, throwing it into the passenger seat. A really pointless endeavor, as my shirt is just as soaked. Whose bright idea was it to wear Converse in Seattle? My toe's have lost all feeling in them. I start the car, waiting a few minutes for the heating to kick in, before pulling out of my parking space and heading home. I grin as I drive past my building, where most of my class are huddled under the awning. Well that's what you get when you decide to wear a mini skirt without checking then fucking weather report. How did these girls even manage to get into university? It defies logic.

I stop to pick up some groceries, and I'm about five minutes from home when my phone starts to ring. I answer it, and put it on loudspeaker.

"Hey big brother," Rose's voice calls.

"What's up Rosie?" I laugh. She growls down the phone.

"Fucker. You know only Emmett gets to call me Rosie,"

"Yeah I know. But your reaction is too good to pass up. So, to what do I owe the honor of this call?"

"I was talking to Charlotte earlier on. Her and Peter are coming to Seattle with the kids. We'd put them up here, but after Heidi walked in on me and Emmett, I'm pretty sure that's a bad idea," I snicker at that. Poor kid. At least she was too young to actually realize what they were doing. And listening to Rose's shrieks and Peter and Char's frankly pathetic attempts to convince their daughter that the two of them were 'wrestling' made it one of the best nights ever.

"Yeah, no problem. When are they thinking of coming?" I ask.

"They don't have any solid plans yet, so I was thinking whenever you finish up classes for the summer?"

"My last class is in two weeks, but I still have to go in to do my office hours for students that need help for finals. But that should only be a few hours on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. I'll call Peter tonight and let him know."

"Yay! Aww. I've missed them," She replies, getting teary down the phone. Peter is our cousin, and we lived five minutes away from each other back in Texas. When we moved to Forks, Rosalie and I were devastated. Peter and his family visited Forks for every holiday, and we would split summer's between Forks and Texas. He met Charlotte in college, and they got married in Vegas a month later. It was so very Peter. He's a crazy motherfucker, and Charlotte calms him down. A little. Actually no. That's not true, she makes him worse. But they're good together, and we love them. They have three kids, Felix, who is 9, and Heidi and Chelsea, twin terrors, who are 6. It will be an interesting couple of weeks to say the least.

"Me too, sis, me too,"

"So, have you checked the weather?" She asks, her worry obvious even over the phone.

"Yeah, checked it this morning. Heavy rains. Shouldn't let up till Wednesday. Why?"

"Not anymore. There was a storm which was supposed to bypass Seattle. It's going to hit-" She's cut of by a loud rumble "oh. Now. Get home quickly," She replies, hanging up. Fuck. I toss the phone onto my coat, before hitting the gas. Thunder flashes across the sky.

I pull into the house. All the lights are on. I'm pretty sure by the time I get out of the car I'll be able to hear the stereo blasting.

I hear her before I see her. I love that girl, but her singing is like nails in a blender. She's belting out the lyrics to ACDC, bouncing around the living room. She's a live wire of nervous energy. When she hears me laughing, she catapults towards me, throwing herself into my arms.

"Where the hell have you been?" She demands, arms around my neck and legs around my waist. If I was a sleazier man, I'd take advantage of this situation. Hell. I'm tempted to take advantage of the situation anyway. Just a little.

"Sorry. I didn't realize that there was going to be a storm. Thought we were only in for some heavy rain," I reply, hugging her tightly.

"I'm sorry," She whispers into my chest.

"Don't be silly," I reply, stroking her hair.

"I'm so fucking pathetic," She mumbles. I let out a small laugh.

"No your not. It's not like I mind."

"Yeah, but at some point, I have to learn to not freak out every time there's a fucking storm," she says, her voice marginally more composed "Or find a guy who doesn't mind me having frequent sleepovers with my best friend."

"Your very handsome best friend," I smirk. She turns to look at me, rolling her eyes.

"Your incorrigible," She whispers.

"That I am. Now, come on. This sleepover requires junk food. And movies. We must have movies," I say, dropping us both down onto the sofa. Fuck. Bad idea. Now, the girl of my dreams is straddling me. Fuck my life. Before I can react, she rolls of me, landing with a soft thump on the sofa.

I stand up, grabbing her hand, pulling her to her feet.

We walk towards the kitchen, her trailing behind me.

"What's your poison?" I ask, as I pull the fridge open. I grab some dip out of the fridge, and six pack. She grabs some chips out of the cupboard, before shuffling back over to me. I hand her the dip, grabbing the chips in my teeth, before wrapping my free arm around her shoulder. I lead her up the stairs towards my room. I climb into the middle of the bed, depositing my stash into the middle of the bed, hauling Bella with me.

"I'm in a girly mood," She announces, hopping off the bed. She rifles through the random stack of DVD's situated under the TV.

"Aha!" She shoves the random DVD into the player, before hoping back over to the bed and snuggling towards me. Thunder sounds just as the DVD beings to play, and she jumps. I wrap my arms around her, pulling her soundly into my lap. Sweet fucking torture.

"Sorry," She mumbles.

"Hush. So, what we watching?" I ask, dread building. She grins evilly at me.

"Well. I may, or may not, have snuck some of my DVD's in here earlier," She grins. Fuck. The opening credits start.

"The Notebook? Really?" I ask incredulously. The amount of times I've walked in on Bella, Rose and Alice in fucking floods of tears watching this film is astounding. "Haven't you seen this a million times before?"

"Yes. Cos it's awesome. And if you'll give it a chance, you'll love it too," She replies resolutely.

"Whatever."

I lean back against the headboard. Bella squirms around, trying to make herself comfortable. And if she doesn't stop fucking wriggling around on my lap soon, I will not be held responsible for my actions.

Alice

I kiss Jane softly as she leaves my apartment.

"Call me when you get home, okay?" I ask. She smiles softly at me.

"Of course I will," I grin as she makes her way down the yard. She climbs into her Prius, pulling away from the curb. A few seconds later, a familiar Volvo pulls up in the space my girlfriend just left. Well. That was close. Edward climbs out, before jogging towards me.

"I need some advice," He says, brushing past me.

"Hi Alice. Did you have a good day? How've you been?" I mock as my BFF collapses onto my $1500 couch, dripping fucking rainwater everywhere. He begins to lift his muddy, disgusting loafers onto my expensive, hand stained coffee table.

"Oi! Douchebag. Feet on the floor or come over no more!" I yell, darting to the linen closet to get him a towel.

"Yes, Monica," Yay. And that's why I love him so much, and put up with him attempting to put his scummy, waterlogged hobo shoes on my imported coffee table. He gets my Friends reference. Even if he does feel the need to fuck up my apartment. He wouldn't fucking drip water all over his own house. In his own house, he has a fucking OCD level of cleanliness.

"Taking your fucking shoes off and dry yourself. Then grovel for a while, and then you can ask me for advice, Doucheward."

He smirks at me before yanking off his shoes, throwing them into my hallway. Asshat. The door bell rings.

"Whose that?" He asks.

"Emmett and Rose. We were going to go out for dinner,l" I reply, opening to door and ushering them in. They both shed their coats, and pull off their shoes. At least they have some fucking manners.

"How come I wasn't invited? Or Bella and Jasper?" He asks, looking slightly offended.

"Because I wanted to talk to them about something. And there's a thunder storm coming tonight," I say by way of explanation for Jazz and Bella's absence. He nods his head, understanding evident on his face.

"Hey Eddie. So what's with the big commotion Shortie?" Emmett asks me. I roll my eyes. I was going to tell them about Jane. She's getting antsy about the fact that I haven't introduced her to any of my friends. Or even told them about her. It has nothing to do with her. I love my gang, but their a little… judgmental. Then again, usually their judgments are right. Looks like my plan has gone out the fucking window though.

Fuck.

"Well, it looks like our dinner plans are being put on hold, Bear. Edward has something to discuss with me. Are these two allowed in on the secret, or do I need to send them packing?"

"No… It's okay. They might be able to help," He says, contemplating.

We walk into the living room, and I sit down on the sofa. Edward joins me. Emmett sits on the recliner, pulling Rose into his lap.

"Spill it Cullen."

"Okay. So. Hypothetically, I have a friend. This friend happens to be in love with my other friend. And I'm pretty sure this other friend loves him back, but she's a bit too..,. I'm going to go with 'ignorant of her own feelings' to realize it," He says.

"Is this another way of saying this girl is emotionally retarded?" Emmett asks. Edward snorts back a laugh.

"Yeah. Kind of. Anyway. How would I, hypothetically, go about getting this girl to realize she's in love with him?" He asks me. Fuck. This is bad.

"Hypothetically?" He nods his head "Okay, so this girl, let's call her Ella" He smirks at that "Is in love with a boy. What would his 'hypothetical' name be?" Please don't let him say anything related to his name. That would make this whole thing even more soap opera-ey than it all ready fucking is.

"Huh. Well. Hmm," He contemplates for a moment. "Oh fuck this. I can't think of anything sort of code name for him. I'm pretty sure Jasper is in love with Bella," He says resolutely. Thank. Fuck.

"Well duh," Emmett replies from across the room. Rosalie simply looks amused.

"Wait. You knew?" I ask Emmett

"Of course I fucking knew," He replies.

"You knew?" Edward asks me, looking betrayed.

"Obviously. So. Wait. Did Jasper tell you?" I ask Rose and Emmett

"He didn't fucking need to. He's my twin brother. And, really, it's fucking obvious. He practically glows every time he mentions her," She scoffs. That's true.

"I've known him for twenty years. And he isn't fucking subtle. Remember when she started dating Jacob? He locked himself in his apartment for a month listening to his depressing emo shit. The only person that's oblivious is Bells," He says, looking smug.

"So he told you?" I ask Edward.

"No. I figured it out in high school. Wait. Fuck. He told you?" He asks.

"Yeah. Right before we started dating."

"So why did you start to go out with him?" Emmett asks, looking confused.

"Because I was into chicks. And he was heartbroken that Bella started dating Edward. And you two were all lovey-dovey,"

"I'm confused. If Jasper was in love with Bella, why did he go out with you?" Edward asks, looking confused.

"It just… kinda made sense at the time. He knew I was gay, I knew he loved her. We were each others beards."

"Well. I kinda feel bad about going off on you when you broke up now," Rose replies with a smirk.

"No you fucking don't," I laugh "You were just looking out for him. It wasn't like I ever blamed you."

"Okay. Back to the point. Jasper and Bella. How do we get them together?" Edward asks.

"Why do you suddenly care, if you've known since high school?" Rose asks.

"I've always cared. I just wanted to let them get together of their own accord. But now, I spend more time thinking about their love life than I do my own. It's getting fucking ridiculous!" He yells.

"Calm the fuck down. Okay. We need a game plan," I say, staring each of them in the eye. Edward nods his head furiously. Rose smirks, and Emmett looks deadly serious. Okay. If I can get Jazz and Bella sorted, then I can start to sort out my own fucking relationship.

Let the meddling begin.


	9. 08: After The Storm

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

Jasper

I love Bella to death, but sharing a bed with the girl can be torturous. And not just because, you know, I want to do dirty, dirty things to her. A little bit because of that, but mostly because she has bony elbows. And whenever there's a storm, she's particularly violent. I think she may have cracked one of my ribs. Or two. Probably two.

"Jas..No...Jasp..." She tosses and turns, slapping her arm across my chest. It hurts like a bastard.

"Bella. Sugar, wake the fuck up," I shake her, rousing her from her sleep. She bolts awake, before throwing herself into my arms.

"Bad dream."

"I know. Are you okay?" I ask. It isn't the first time she's hadd this nightmare. I doubt it will be the last. After the accident, she would wake up screaming during the middle of the night. For a month, my parents set up a mattress on my bedroom floor so that I would be there when she woke up sobbing. It had gotten better over the years, but when storms got particularly bad, she still preferred to stay with me.

"I suck," She sniffles into my shirt. I lay back down, pulling her with me so she's sprawled across my chest.

"You do not suck. You're made of awesome. It's scientifically impossible for you to suck. So there."

"Fine. I don't suck. I'm just completely pathetic."

"Don't make me call Rose. She'll beat you into submission. Literally."

"You're such a charmer, bolstering my self confidence with the promise of violence."

"That's how I roll. Oh. I have news," I whisper, wiggling my eyebrows. If I can't stop her from putting herself down, I'll distract her from her masochism.

"Good news?"

"Well. You probably think it is. I'm in two minds," I snicker. She looks at me questioningly.

"What?"

"Peter, Char and the kids are coming to stay," I tell her with a smile. A huge grin breaks out across her face.

"Awesome! I haven't seen them in so long" She sighs. The last time my dear cousin and his wife visited, Jacob had thrown a hissy fit, demanding Bella accompany him on a business trip. She ended up missing them completely. Peter was damn near ready to go and kidnap her.

"Yeah they miss you. But that means we have the kids to deal with," I groan. I love them, but fuck they're evil, manipulative little bastards when they want to be.

"It'll be fine. Things get bad, we'll palm them off on Rose and Emmett. He has the same mental age as Felix, and you know Rose is all broody and what not. Having to look after them will either scare her off kids forever, or reinforce it," She says dismissively. Jesus. Rose and Emmett reproducing. Scary fucking thought.

"Okay. Enough chit-chat. I have class in the morning, and you need your sleep," I say, turning on my side. Bella wriggles closer to me, and I curl my arm around her tightly, hoping that the nightmares won't return.

Bella

Two days have passed since the stupid fucking storm, and I'm finally getting out of my funk. You'd think by this point, I'd be over it, but every time I hear the thunder roll, I see that fucking tree. And every time the lightning flashes, I see Jazz broken and bloody. It's awful and pathetic. It doesn't bother Jasper, and he was the one who spent a week in the hospital. I barely had a scratch on me, but I still have nightmares ten years later. I'm a loser.

Jasper has an early meeting with Tanya, so I'm pottering around the house. Because I have no job, and therefore can't pay rent, I clean the house and cook. The one place I won't clean is Jasper's room. Boy's a fucking slob. His room is basically a larger version of his room when he was 17. Ratty band posters litter the walls, and his XBox and it's games and controllers lie scattered under the TV. The rest of his house may have the illusion that he's a mature, successful man, but it's complete fucking bullshit.

My phone begins to ring, and I run up the stairs to grab it. I only trip once. That's what I call progress! The caller ID identifies that Rose is calling.

"Hey bitch."

"Morning bitch. Glad to see that being unemployed hasn't stopped you from getting out of be," She snarks down the phone. Someone's in a good mood.

"What's up?"

"I'm bored, and Emmett is meeting the boys for lunch. You want to meet me and Alice for lunch?"

"Yeah. I have nothing better to do."

"Fuck off. You get to watch TV all day. If your that fucking bored, you can come and help me sort through these invoices." Rose replies distractedly.

"Did Emmett mess up the filing system again?"

"I swear, your fucktard of a brother just stuffs them in the filing cabinet. I've cut him off for a week," I snort at that. It's Rosalie's preferred method of punishment for when Emmett fucks up. Although it never really works, because she's just as much of a freaking nymphomaniac as he is, and she usually gives up after a day or two.

"Good luck with that. I tell you what, because I love you, and you keep my brother out of my hair, after lunch I'll come over to the garage and do the filing for you."

"Fuck, you really are amazing, you know that Swan?"

"So I've been told. Anyway, where are we meeting?"

"Luciano's?"

"Done. I'll see you there at one?"

"Awesome. I'll call Alice."

"Later bitch."

"Later bitch," She replies with a laugh.

Ten minutes later I get another call.

"Bella. Wear the new pencil skirt, and the green blouse I got you," Alice demands.

"Well good morning to you too. What's wrong with you?"

"I hate my job," She whines.

"No you fucking don't. You love your job."

"Okay, that's true. I love it most days. But today. I really fucking hate it!" She snarls.

"What happened now?"

"ARGH! This woman came in, and she's demanding that I take in her dress, and I told her if I did, she wouldn't be able to breath, but she fucking bitched and moaned, so I did it. She put it on, shoehorned the zipper up. Then as soon as she breathes, the seam rips! I fucking told her! And now she's blaming me and FUCK, FUCK, FUCK," Wow. The pixie is melting down. Alice owns a boutique that specialises in rehabbing designer outfits. She loves her work, but most of the time she hates her clientele. And I don't blame her. They're all snooty bitches.

"Okay Ali. Breath. Come on. Deep breaths," I repeat down the phone as Alice takes deep, controlled breaths.

"Okay. I'm calm. I'm calm," She replies.

"Okay. First, I'm not wearing that outfit. I'm going over to the garage, and I'm pretty sure that blouse is silk. You'll fucking kill me if I get grease on it, so I'm wearing jeans. Sorry. I love you, but it ain't worth my life."

"Okay. Your probably right. If you stepped foot near the garage in that shirt I'd kill you," She giggles.

"Okay, now that you've calmed down, I need to go shower. I'll see you in an hour and a half."

Alice signs off, and I hop into the shower. It's times like these I'm really happy I moved in here. The shower in my apartment was ridiculous. More often that not, it was ice cold, and that was if it was even working at all. This shower. Oh, this shower. I could happily move in here. It's this ceiling fitted contraption, with jets built into the walls. It's awesome. I have yet to get out of this shower without feeling completely serene. I pull on a pair of ripped jeans and a vest top. Glancing outside I see the freak storm has given way to warmer weather, but this is still Seattle, so I grab a red plaid shirt from my wardrobe, throwing it on instead of a jacket.

It's midday, and I'm unpacking the last of my extensive book collection when my phone rings. Jesus Christ. I'm never usually this popular. I don't recognise the number.

"Hello, Bella here."

"Hi Bella, it's Tanya. I'm just calling to discuss your interview yesterday".

"Well. That sounds foreboding."

"Oh, it's good news, I promise," Her musical laugh floats down the phone.

"It is?" I ask, incredulous.

"Of course! The only reason I didn't offer you the job on the spot was because I had to at least get through the other interviews," She giggles.

"Oh…um…wow!" I stutter. Wow. Way to impress your new boss.

"Please, if you can form Jasper's work into anything halfway intelligible, you'll have no problems with our other authors."

"Oh. Wow. Thank you!" I exclaim.

"Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to get some lunch and discuss everything?" She asks, somewhat timidly.

"Oh, well, I'm having lunch with Alice and Rose, but your more than welcome to join us."

"Really? I'd love to!" She replies excitedly. I give her the directions and promise to meet her at Luciano's.

I climb into the Beast, heading towards the restaurant. I find Alice and Rose arguing outside, with Tanya standing a few feet away, looking at them amused. Looks like she's spotted them.

"That would never work!" Rose exclaims.

"Trust me!" Alice snarls back.

"I do, but your plan is juvenile, and frankly, sounds like you got it from a soap opera. Or a n ABC Family show." Rose yells. They are shooting each other death glares.

"Hey guys!" I exclaim. Rose and Alice stop arguing, swinging to look at me with shocked faces.

"Rose, Alice, this is Tanya, my new boss, and Jasper's editor," I say, making introductions. "And these are my two best friends. Pretty sure you've heard all about them," I grin. Tanya let's out a soft laugh, and Rose and Alice eye her intently.

"I have. It's nice to finally meet you. Jasper's told me a lot about the both of you," She smiles, extending her hand. Alice sends her a bright smile, shaking her hand, while Rosalie looks hesitant.

"Play nice," I whisper into her ear. She sends me a smirk.

"I always do," I snort back a laugh at that. There's a reason why Rosalie's only female friends are Alice and myself. She does not play well with others. But Tanya continues so smile brightly, seemingly oblivious.

We head into the restaurant, grabbing a table. I take of my jacket, when Tanya stares at me wide eyed, before collapsing into her chair in fits of giggles. We look at her like she's crazy.

"Did I put my underwear on over my jeans of something?" I ask Rose. She simply shrugs.

"No…god…sorry," Tanya gets out between hysterical giggles "It's just… your wearing exactly the same outfit that Jasper had on yesterday" She laughs. Alice's grin practically splits her face in two, and Rosalie snorts at the information.

"So what were you two bitches arguing about outside?" I ask. Their eyes grow wide. And now I'm suspicious. Tanya starts to giggle.

"I'm so sorry, I overheard you arguing outside. I was pretty sure it was you based on Jasper's descriptions, but I wasn't sure until you mentioned Bella," She grins. Rosalie is sending her death glares "I feel like I should warn you, because I like you…" She grins mischievously "They're planning on kidnapping you for a day of pampering and shopping. Their plan was pretty ingenious."

Rose and Alice both relax in their seats.

"No! Not happening. I refuse to shop with you. If your that desperate to get me in new clothes, you know my size, so go shopping on your own. But I refuse to shop after you after last time!" I know I'm verging on hysteria, but unless you've shopped with those two, you can't fucking comment. The last time I came home with my feet bleeding. I couldn't walk for two fucking days!

"Well, Tanya, now that you've ruined the surprise, we're kidnapping you as well," Alice says, looking gleeful. Tanya looks delighted.

"I'd love to. I don't really have many friends, and I've been sorely missing a shopping partner," She smiles shyly. Alice looks positively overjoyed, and Rose just looks deviant. Those two.

"You should just resign yourself to your fate now sweetie. There's no escaping the three of us," Rose grins. She looks over at Tanya, sending her a tentative smile.

"So Tanya, you're the one who makes my brother's writing actually legible," She says with a smile.

"Well I attempt to at the very least" Tanya replies with a smirk "But I'm hoping his new editor will have better luck," She says, staring at me.

"I'm going to be Jazz's editor?"

"Well I can't think of anyone better for the job," She laughs "And frankly I'm just relieved that I don't have to do it anymore," She laughs. Alice and Rose share a look before Alice turns round, eyes narrowed in determination. Well. Looks like it's time for the Spanish Inquisition. Be afraid Tanya. Be very afraid.

"Why so desperate to get rid of Jasper? I may be gay, but that doesn't mean I don't know Jazzy is one mean piece of man candy," Alice says.. Ahh. So that's the plan. Find out if Tanya likes Jasper.

"Subtle guys. Real subtle," I snort. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't dying of curiosity myself.

"Oh, god no!" Tanya screeches. I turn to look at her, my eyebrow quirked. Rose and Alice each wear matching quizzical expressions.

"Sorry, it's not that he isn't attractive, he is, he just really isn't my type," Tanya says, shaking her head furiously. Before my girls can question her on who is her type, the waiter appears. We place our orders, before Tanya turns to us.

"I don't really have a heavy workload for this afternoon, so what do you say we make this a three-martini lunch?" She asks with a wicked glint in her eye.

"Hells yeah!"

"Awesome!"

"Sure."

We each order some of the speciality fruit martini's that Luciano's is famous for. Alice orders a Peartini, I order a Peachtini, Rose goes for the Hulk Lemon Drop Martini, and Tanya orders an Appletini.

"What can I say? Whenever I order one, I think of Scrubs," She grins as the waiter walks off.

"So is that the type of guy you like? Kind of goofy and adorkable?" Ali asks.

"Oh, no, I just think he's hilarious. My type… well. That's a question," She says, pondering.

"What would you ideal guy be like?" Rose asks.

"I'm kind of partial to really pretty boys. Great hair. Nice eyes. Most of the guys I've dated in the past have been tortured artist types," Alice and Rosalie share a conspiratorial grin with me. The waiter drops the drinks at the table, and we each grab one. Instead of having the waiter come back and forth, we order three drinks each.

"So. Your ideal guy would have great hair. Sort of permanent sex hair?" I ask with a smirk. Tanya giggles, nodding her head.

"And really gorgeous eyes?" Alice adds, her eyes lighting up.

"Maybe a musician. Like, a pianist?" Rose asks.

"Ohh. I've never dated a pianist!"

"You should. They're great with they're fingers," I let slip. Damn alcohol. Tanya's eyes go wide, and Alice's smirk is a mile wide. Rosalie looks a little misty eyed.

"I have never been more proud of you!" She exclaims, grabbing me in a one-armed hug. Alice starts to giggle mercilessly, and soon we're all in a fit of hysterics.

"I never thought I'd see the day when our very own Hells Bells would make such a _dirty_ comment!" Alice screeches.

"Fucking hell. Although, I never needed to know that shit about Edward," Rosalie replies, shuddering.

"Sorry," I smirk.

"Me either," Alice replies, making a face.

"Well, I could stand to hear a little more," Tanya replies. Well, well, well. Looks like I'm not the only one who's thoughts turn dirty after a few drinks.

"I bet you could," Alice smirks.

"Do you know who Edward is?" Rose asks.

"Oh yeah. Most of the times I try and discuss Jasper's work, we end up talking about you guys" She laughs "He said that Edward was Bella's ex, and that he's been Alice's best friend since, like, birth."

"That's true. Did Jazzy ever tell you what Edward does for a living?" Rose asks.

"Nope"

"He's a composer" Alice smirks.

"A very, talented _pianist,_" Rose laughs. I blush a mighty shade of red. Fuck. Me and my big mouth. But with Rose's comment we dissolve into fits of giggles, not surfacing for air until the waiter arrives with our food.

"Okay, so next week end, what are we doing?" Rose asks.

"Well, if the weather holds, I was thinking we could have a barbeque?"

"Sounds like a plan Bellarina," Alice grins. I growl at her use of Emmett's childhood nickname for me. Fucker.

"Bellarina?" Tanya asks.

"Emmett came up with it after Bella had an _unfortunate _accident at her first ballet recital," Rose smirks.

"How come that name managed to stick for so long?" I ask.

"Because you hate it," Alice responds shortly. Fucking figures.

"So have you guys figured out the sleeping arrangements?" Rose asks.

"Pete and Char are taking your room, We'll put the kids in Alice's", I say, confused.

"Yeah, but at the barbeque there's no way any of us are making it home," Rose laughs. True story.

"Well, you and Emmett can have my room, Jasper and Edward can share the futon in the den, and Alice, Tanya and I can have Jasper's room. His bed is bigger than mine," I say. Yeah. That should work.

"Me?" Tanya asks.

"Of course. You have to meet Eddie," Alice smirks.

"Whatever you do, don't call him Eddie," I whisper to Tanya.

"Duh. Your Jasper's editor and Bella's boss. You have to come!" Rose grins. Wow. Rose has never taken to someone this fast, except for Alice and Edward.

"Well. I don't know about you guys, but I have a wedding dress to fix," Alice slurs. Pixie can't hold her fucking liquor.

"You sure your going to be able to sew in a straight line?" I smirk.

"No. I'll have one of the interns do that shit" Alice snickers.

"Okay. Rose, how are we getting to the garage?" I ask.

"Taxi. There's no way I'm risking driving my baby under the influence," I swear Rosalie loves her car more than my brother. And her brother. Combined.

"Cool. You going to be okay to get back to the office Tanya?"

"Yeah. I'll call you later in the week to discuss salary and benefits. Can you start next week?"

"Yeah, no problem."

"Okay, well you'll need to show up at 8am so I can get your ID and set up security clearance," She says, before giving us each a hug and climbing into a cab.

"I like her," Alice says as she leaves.

"Me too," Rose replies. I don't know who's more shocked. Alice, me, or Rose herself.

"I think Edward will like her too."

"He needs an intelligent woman to drag him away from the hordes of sorority girls," Rose adds.

"I'm pretty sure he's sick of the sorority girls," Alice and Rose look at me shocked "No, really. Apparently he want's to date a girl who can hold an intelligent conversation."

"Wow. The last girl he dated who could hold an intelligent conversation was you," Alice laughs.

"That's what I said," I smirk.

"Okay my beautiful girls. I bid you adieu!" Alice says, blowing kisses to the both of us before climbing into her own cab.

Rose and I hail a final taxi, and Rose gives him directions to the garage.

"So are you actually planning on attempting to fix vehicles in this state?"

"Unlike the little pixie nightmare, I can hold my liquor, but no. I'm planning on lounging in the office with you, while you do all the hard work," Rose smirks.

"Awesome," I sigh. It's going to be a long afternoon.

Alice

Well. Thank fuck. I honestly thought we were busted when I found out that Tanya had overheard Rose and I. But, thankfully, Bella's new boss is much quicker at lying on her feet than Rose and I. I like her. She's sweet, but spunky. And I have a feeling that Edward's going to just _love _her. Ahh. I I love it when a plan comes together...


	10. 09: Good News 4 Peeps Who Love Bad News

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

Don't hate me. Please?

Jasper

I'm sitting on the deck drinking a beer. It's been another long day teaching air heads. Next year, I'm instituting a minimum GPA for my class. I cannot handle another year like this. Granted, the majority of them are fucking hot as all hell, but there is nothing, and I mean nothing, going on in their heads. Okay. That's an overstatement. There's probably the occasional thought about The Hills. Or what shoes they want to buy this weekend. But that's it.

I'm looking forward to Thursday though. I get to interview potential TA's for next year. My TA's this year were assigned by the head of the history department, and frankly, they suck. There's two of them. Toni and Bree. Fuck me they're annoying. They are exactly like my students, except they can string full sentences together.

Fuck this. I'm not thinking about work. So my brain drifts to the one thing that's always lurking in the back of my mind. Bella.

Saturday was the funniest shit I've ever seen in my entire fucking life. Tanya arrived bright and early on my doorstep trying to lure Bella out of the house. Fifteen minutes later Rose and Alice arrive in Rose's convertible. They went for the less subtle approach. Rose grabbed Bella round the waist, Alice grabbed her legs, and they fucking carried her out of the house, telling Tanya to grab Bella's bag. I was confused as fuck until Tanya explained that they were kidnapping Bella for a weekend of 'girl time'. I snort back a laugh at the image of a frazzled and stressed Bella being deposited at the door by a serene looking Rose, Alice lugging what I assume is an entire new wardrobe for Bella into her room. As soon as they left, Bella started.

"What the fuck, Whitlock? You could have put up a fucking fight when I was abducted!" She screeches.

"You were with Alice and Rose. It's not like they were going to sell you into slavery," I say, popping open a couple of beers. She grabs one out of my hand, chugging half of it. Damn.

"That would have been fucking preferable. I was waxed and plucked to within an inch of my life," Down boy "before being forced into every conceivable outfit known to man," She glares at me.

"Okay. I'm sorry. But do you really think I could have actually done anything? It was Rose," I may be able to take down her shit brick house of a boyfriend, but Rose can hand me my ass in a matter of seconds. Feisty wench.

Bella rolls her eyes before conceding that yes, my 115 pound sister could kill me easily. Yes. I realize how fucking pathetic that shit is.

She was in a good mood this morning, bouncing round the house like the Energizer Bunny. The last time I saw her this exited about anything was the first day of college. Bella and her books.

I'm pulled out of my musings when Edward rounds the corner, looking wary and nervous.

"What's up Cullen?" I say with a grin, offering him a beer from cooler at my feet.

"I need to talk to you about something," He says, looking fucking shifty as all hell.

Edward

Fuck. This is not going to go over well. Fuck squared.

Jasper

"Spill man. Your making me all nervous and shit," I laugh. But I'm a bit fucking nervous. I can't remember the last time Edward wanted to have a serious conversation with me that didn't involve places to bury Jacob Black's mangled corpse.

"There's this girl. And I really, really like her. I could genuinely see myself spending the rest of my life with her. And I'm thinking about telling her," He says, running a hand though his hair. I smile at him.

"Dude, that's fucking awesome. Do you think she likes you?" I ask.

"I don't know. She plays her emotions pretty close to the vest. I think she could though," He replies, avoiding my gaze. What's with him?

"Do I know her?" I ask.

"Yeah. You know her pretty fucking well," He sighs, looking resigned. If he likes a girl, and thinks she likes him back, why does he look so fucking miserable?"

"So, spill. Who's the lucky lady?" I ask. His face hardens in resolve and he looks me dead in the eye.

And then his next words rip my heart right out of my fucking chest.

"It's Bella."

* * *

><p><strong>Mwahahahahahaha<strong>


	11. 10: The Good Fight

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

Previously

_And then his next words rip my heart right out of my fucking chest._

"_It's Bella"_

Jasper

Bella. **Bella.**_ Bella. _Edward and Bella. That mental image sends a thousand thoughts racing though my brain. Edward. He's perfect. When they were together, he was the perfect boyfriend. He's one of the best people I know. And I fucking love him. But I love her. And my heart is splintering into a thousand pieces and I can feel each one rip apart because it makes sense. They make sense. They would be happy.

Despite the thousands of thoughts along these lines that are thundering though my head at a million miles a second my only response is…

"Oh," Yeah. I've wrote two novels, and the best I can come up with is 'oh'. Fuck my life. I need beer. No. I need tequila. "That's... that's great."

I stand up, making my way back to the French doors that lead to the kitchen. My salvation. My tequila. I need to get so drunk that I can't remember who I am. Yep. That's the game plan.

"For all that is fucking holy," I hear Edward growl from behind me, before he spins me round and punches me straight in the fucking face.

WHAT THE FUCK.

My response is instinctual, and I punch him in the gut and then the face, before clutching my own jaw.

"What the fuck is your problem Edward?" I snarl, because seriously, I am not in the mood for this shit. First the fucker has to tell me he wants Bella, again. It was bad enough when she started seeing Black. I locked myself in my old apartment listening to fucking Death Cab For Cutie, as well as a whole host of other really depressing music that suited my mood. And even then, I knew they wouldn't last, because Jacob Black is a shit head. How am I supposed to deal with this? It's fucking Edward! He's smart, funny, caring. He's Mr. Fucking Perfect. And now he's fucking punching me? Motherfucker.

"You are my problem Jasper Whitlock. Right now, you are everyone's fucking problem. Now sit your bitch ass down," He yells in my face. What alternate reality have I stepped into, where Edward Cullen punches people and raises his voice? My head hurts. And I still want that tequila.

"Why am I your problem?" I hiss, sitting down again.

"Because I am sick of you acting like a fucking pussy. It's been a decade. Man the fuck up," he says, opening two beers and handing me one.

Now I'm confused as fuck.

"What?" I ask incredulously.

"For fucks sake. You're a professor. You're the fucking smart one. Bella, you moron. Bella," he says. Right. Wait. What?

"What about her?"

"You love her, jackass,"

"Of course I love her. And I get it. You think I'm a dick. You can stop fucking insulting me now."

"No. Your in love with her! And I'll stop insulting you when you man up, and do something about your feelings," He says simply, staring me straight in the eye.

"No," I state, sipping my beer.

"Why the fuck not?"

"Because I couldn't do that to her. She's my best friend. If I tell her, everything changes. I'll fucking lose her. And I'd rather have her in my life and have to suffer through it than not have her in my life at all," Edward snorts at this.

"And people accuse me of being the fucking emo one. First, she's not your best friend," I go to interrupt, but he cuts me off with a hand gesture "She's not. You love her. She's the love of your life. But your hiding a life altering secret from her and it's eating you up inside," He says. I consider this for a moment.

"As a side note, I'd like to say that I'm fucking pissed you never mentioned this to me. Rose and Emmet share my sentiments," He smirks, tipping his bottle to me.

"They know. Wait. How the fuck do you know?" I ask.

"Rose and Emmet have known since you were fucking six years old. I figured it out a couple of weeks after Bella's 17th birthday. You look at her like she's the most important thing in the whole universe. I love her, but I never thought of her that way. After that, I just tried to find the best way to break up so we could still be friends," He explains. Okay. So all my friends know I love Bella. Awesome.

"So I'm the reason you and Bella broke up?" I ask, feeling guilty. I don't know why. The day those two broke up I was practically dancing round my room with joy.

"Yes…no…kind of?" He questions himself.

"Your going to have to explain that, because there's no way I can navigate the reasoning's of Edward Cullen," I laugh.

"Few can," He smirks, before adopting a serious face "Primarily, I broke up with her thinking you would make a move. Like a man," I glare at him. Fucking pretty boy. "But also because… I wanted to look at someone like they were the most important thing in the whole universe. I want to feel that kind of love for someone," He says contemplatively.

"And you thought you'd find it in the nearest sorority house?" I smirk. He glares playfully at me.

"Of course not. I wanted to find that person eventually. I wanted to have fun when I was in college. Anyway. Unlike you four freaks of nature, not everyone meets their soul mate at the age of six," he laughs. I roll my eyes at him.

"So what was with saying you wanted to be with Bella?" I ask. He snorts.

"Yeah. I didn't really think that plan through. I wanted you to fight for her. That's what I can't understand. You'd let that girl jab you with red hot pokers just to see a smile on her face, but you won't fight for her. I don't get it," He shakes his head.

"Because her friendship means to much to me. And if she felt the same, she would have said something to someone by now," I whisper hoarsely, shaking my head.

"Like you have?" I give him the stink eye. "That's bullshit. Everyone knows Bella is emotionally retarded," He states. My head snaps up at this "What? It's true! Look at her track record. Me. Yes, I'm as close to perfection as most mortals can get-"

"Modest too," I interrupt

"As I was saying, I'm pretty perfect, but she never really had those feelings for me. We just sort of blurred the lines of our friendship," That's actually a pretty good description of mine and Alice's disaster of a relationship. "Then there was that Paul douche wit in college. Pretentious literati fucker. She could barely stand him, but they dated for three months. Then Jacob. She only went out with him because he's a persistent fucker," he finishes with a flourish. I snort a little at the descriptions if Bella's past relationships.

"Okay. Even if Bella is emotionally retarded, blah, blah, blah. She's not said anything. And that girl can barely keep a secret from me, never mind all six of us. It doesn't change anything. I can't lose her as a friend."

"Fuck me running! You don't get it do you. You'll lose her no matter what. Say one day she meets a guy. She thinks she loves him. Maybe she does. They go out. They date. They sleep together," I wince at the mental image of my Bella fucking a nameless, faceless stranger. Unless Cullen wants another punch, he better get to the fucking point. "They get engaged. They get married. They have kids," Each word he says feel like needles being stabbed into my chest. "Do you really think you'll be able to stand by and be her friend. I know you. You haven't had a relationship since Alice, and we all know what that was about."

"I've had relationships!" I snap.

"No you fucking haven't. You've been on occasional dates. And hooked up with girls when your drunk. That's about the jist of it," He smirks. Fucker. Absolute fucker. But his earlier words are ringing in my ears. Would I be able to just be her friend. Fuck. It killed me every time I saw her with Jacob. To see her married. In love. Fuck. My chest feels tight.

"And forget you for a second. What about Bella. Would she be happier with some random guy than with you. You love her unconditionally. You know her inside out, better than me, or Alice, or Rose. Even Emmet. Are you really going to condemn her to some mediocre relationship?" He asks. I ponder this.

"You're surprisingly deep," I state.

"Yes well. Your love life is interfering with my own. I need you to get with Bella so I can concentrate on my own romantic entanglements for a while, fucker," he smirks.

"Jazz!" a sweet voice yells, the door banging closed. Bella's home.

"Out back sweetheart!'" Edward smirks at that as well. I'm really not in the mood for anymore of his insights right now. I'll end up trying to drown him in the pool.

"Hey! I love my job! I got to read a manuscript today! It was awful, but I get paid to read!" She yells as she rushes though the house ad out the door. She waves at Edward, before dropping into my lap.

"I'm glad. How's Tanya?" I ask.

"She's good. Oh. Speaking of, we invited her to the barbeque next weekend," She grins, mischief in her eyes. That can't be good. Suddenly her face drops. And her hand reaches to stroke my face. I stare into her endlessly deep eyes, trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

"What happened to your face?" She asks, concern lacing her voice. Oh fuck. Edward punched me. Well. That whole thing is far too complicated to explain.

"Jasper and I went to a bar for a few drinks. Turns out the regulars were not entirely welcoming," Edward laughs, lying effortlessly. I've always kind of envied his ability to just lie on the spot like that. I tend to stutter and stammer like a fool. Bella nods, before turning back to me.

"Just tell me that you two idiots won."

"Of course. We could still walk home. They weren't so lucky," I smirk, before nodding my head towards Edward.

"Okay kids. It's time for me to go home. I'll see you guys tomorrow night," he says, draining his bottle and depositing it on the table next to the lounger we've occupied for the past few hours.

"See you later man. And thanks," I say. He smirks at me before kissing Bella on the top of her head and heading back into the house.

"So, tell me about your first day of work!" I command, leaning back on the lounger, draping Bella over me. Bella's face lights up, and I settle back, basking in the giddiness my girl is exuding.


	12. 11: Rebellion Lies

**A/N: Hi! I'm sorry that the last chapter was a week behind schedule, I really have no excuse except for the fact that the sheer amount of Avengers awesomeness on my Tumblr dash has had me in a hypnotic state that only allowed me freedom for work, but I'm uploading this so that you all don't kill me. **

Bella

It's Wednesday evening and I'm just leaving work. I'm ridiculously excited. Peter and Char will be here on Friday afternoon. I can't wait to see them. Peter is the annoying older brother that I actually already have, but I love him nonetheless. Char is just a fucking legend. Foul-mouthed and brash, she's the funniest girl I've ever met. She's also the perfect match for Peter. He's just as foul mouthed. I'm surprised the air doesn't turn blue around them. Shockingly, they manage to keep it in check when the kids are around, though god only knows how. I'm heading to my truck when my phone starts buzzing in my bag.

"Hey Ali."

"Hey. Can you come to Eclipse for a few drinks?" Alice asks.

"Yeah no problem. You sound like your plotting something though," I say speculatively.

"I am, but it's nothing to do with you. I have a theory. Be there in ten?"

"Sure, see you then."

I hang up and climb into my truck before starting the engine. It takes a few tries, but I finally succeed. I drive to Eclipse, finding a space in the parking lot across the street. Eclipse is the same bar we've been frequenting since college. Ahh the days of needing a fake ID. It's also the place that Rose, Emmett, Jasper and I worked during junior and senior year. Ali and Edward didn't need to get jobs, thanks to Carlisle and Esme, but they did spend almost every night in there with us while we worked. Jasper and I worked the bar, and before you mention it, yes, I broke my fair share of bottles. Jasper, the smug ass, was the one who could do all the fancy bottle spins and what not. I could barely manage to carry the drinks from the fridge to the counter. But I fucking owned him when it came to mixing drinks. Some of my concoctions are still served here. Rose was a waitress, and Emmett's brawn was put to good use being a bouncer. If it hadn't been for Jasper, I have no doubt that I would have come begging to Marcus to get my job back. I walk to the door, finding Demetri there.

"Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in!" He smirks at me. A couple of patrons standing at the door smoking look over in interest.

"Well good evening to you too Demetri. How's it going?" I ask with a laugh. You never just get a 'Hi' with Demetri. His face breaks out in a wide grin before he pulls me into a hug that could rival Emmett's.

"I've been good. How've you been girl? You ever gonna come to your senses and ditch Black. You know you'd rather be with this fine piece of man meat," He brags, waving his hand at his body.

"Well, I broke up with Jacob about a month ago. And no. I'm not going to sleep with you," I say with a grin. He let's out a guffaw before placing me back on the ground.

"Well I'm just glad you've finally ditched him."

"Me too, Demetri, me too."

"You looking for Ali and Rose?" He asks.

"Yup. Alice had one of her 'theory's' so, you know, I'm here to assist," I laugh. Demetri rolls his eyes, before pushing me to the door, swatting me on the ass as he goes. I'd yell at him, but I gave up on that 5 years ago. He never really cares. Even when Emmett threatened to beat him up, he just laughed. He means no harm though. I glance around my favourite place in the city. Framed Sailor Jerry posters are hanging on the wall, as well as a ton of pin up girls. Behind the bar the wall is completely covered in photos of staff members, going back to when this place opened in '86. I'd stand and compare the fashion disasters, but I have to find Alice. I head towards the booth on in the VIP section that we have reserved since we started coming here. Sure enough, my girls are there, staring each other down. Odd.

"What's up girls?" I say with a grin, dropping down into the booth. Rose smiles at me, and Alice gives me a quick wave, before going back to staring at Rose.

"What's going on?" I ask.

"Who knows. She's been staring at me for the past fifteen minutes," Rosalie replies, taking another sip of her cocktail. Alice let's out an annoyed huff, glaring at Rose.

"Has she finally gone postal?"

"It appears so."

"Shut the fuck up, the both of you," Alice growls, before flagging down the waitress.

"I'll have a Jack and Coke," I tell her.

"I'll have another Peachtini" Rose smiles at the waitress. Wow. Rose is being nice to a waitress? Fucking hell.

"I'll have a whiskey, neat," Alice orders. I stare at her. "Fuck off. I'm not in the mood," Alice replies. She sits in silence, looking like she's trying to figure out quantum physics with a hangover. A few minutes later the waitress returns, handing us each a drink. She winks at Rosalie, who grins back, sliding her a twenty. What the hell is going on? Alice drains her drink in seconds.

"Fuck it. I give up. Something is wrong with me. I need to go home and sleep it off," She slurs quietly, before dropping her head on the table. Out cold.

"How many drinks has she had?" I ask Rosalie.

"That's her third," Rose replies. My eyes widen.

"How many have you had?" I ask.

"Two. Emmett is coming to pick me up now," She replies.

"Okay, I'm taking the pixie back to mine. There's obviously something up with her," I reply, standing from the booth and hooking an arm under Alice's. Rose waves us off before draining her drink. I half walk, half drag Alice to the door.

"What's up with the pixie?" Demetri asks as I haul Alice into the fresh air.

"She's drunk. I'm taking her home now. Say hi to Marcus for me," I say. He drops a hand down on my shoulder.

"Not so fast Isabella," He says, authority evident in his voice "How much have you had to drink."

I roll my eyes. To be fair, this is why he's a good bouncer.

"I ordered one Jack and Coke, and had about a mouthful before Alice turned maudlin, so pretty much nothing," I reply.

"Okay. Get her home. Say hi to the guys."

"Will do Demetri. See you."

He grins at me as I cross the road, Alice still stumbling against me. After a few seconds of tricky maneuvering to get her into the truck and strapped in, I finally manage to get in myself. Halfway home, she wakes up, looking at me with a heartbroken expression.

"What's wrong Ali?" I ask, reaching out to grab her hand.

"I thought I was right. I was so damn sure… They would have been really happy. Fuck. I was so sure!" She growls quietly to herself. Oh. Her Madame Alice premonition turned out to be a dud. They've happened over the years, certain things she was so sure about that happened. Thinking back, they almost always happen. Okay, this is fucking weird. I pull up to the house, grab my bag and the whiskey soaked pixie, and drag her into the house. A cup of coffee and something to eat should sort her out fine.

Jasper

I'm going over my TA applications. There are a few promising candidates. This year I definitely want a male teaching assistant. There are two stand out candidates so far. Garrett Alistair and Jane Volturi. Both are grad students who have degree's in history and are researching the Civil War for there thesis. I'm interviewing both of them tomorrow. There are a few more candidates who are pretty good, but I hope to god that these two aren't idiots or insane, because frankly I'd like teaching assistant's who actually assist this year, as laughable as the idea seems at the minute. I pick out a few more applications, and call all of the successful applicants, arranging interviews for Friday morning,

Once I'm finished, I wander down to the kitchen. Bella has officially banned me from using any cooking appliance other than the microwave. You set one small fire, and your mocked for life. I find some leftover lasagne in the fridge, and zap it for a few minutes. I'm just chowing down on my dinner when the front door bangs open. Violent muttering follows, as well as the sound of struggling. I dump my food on the counter before jogging into the hall, just as there is a loud thud. The sight before me has me laughing my ass off before I can fully comprehend the situation. Bella is sprawled out across the floor, her laptop bag dangling precariously from the table next to the door. Alice is collapsed on top of her, and is proceeding to curl up, like a freaking kitten. That means Alice is wasted. Alice is a cuddly fucking drunk. Bella shoots me death glares, and I manage to make my way over without collapsing into a fit of fucking laughter. I haul Alice up in one arm, putting her over my shoulder, and use the other arm to pull Bella to her feet.

"There's no need to show off," She huffs as I set her right. I roll my eyes.

""Go get something to eat, I'll put Tink to bed," I say, letting Bella go. She smiles at me, before heading towards the kitchen. I walk upstairs, depositing Alice in her bed.

"Nyeh!" Is the only mumbled response I receive from the pixie. I snort at what I hope was drunk talk for 'night' and not just her insulting me. Knowing Tink, she was insulting me.

I wander back downstairs to my abandoned lasagne, finding Bella munching on her own plate full sitting on the counter.

"Seems you had an interesting night sugar," I smirk.

"Oh yeah. Alice had a theory about Rose, but refused to tell me what it was. She summoned me to Eclipse, then sat glaring at Rosalie for the entire time I was there. According to Rose, all she did since they arrived was drink whiskey and glare. It's…odd," She replies, looking adorably confused. I laugh.

"You know what Alice is like. Whenever one of her theories is wrong she throws a fucking hissy fit," I grin. She laughs, bobbing her head in response.

"So, any prospective candidates for the assistant position?"

"Yeah, two of them. They are supposed to be coming in tomorrow, just before lunch," I reply. She smiles before reaching out and stroking my face and it feels so goddamn good I swear I'm fucking purring or some shit. She's been doing that all week. For a skinny little pretty boy fucker, Cullen sure packs a punch, and my face is still messed up. To be fair, so is his. We went to the gym earlier in the week, and I also managed to catch a glance at the fairly fucking impressive bruise across his ribs as well. Of course, they aren't the only injuries he has. But the other ones are pixie inflicted. Fuckward pissed Alice off big time. Apparently his scheme wasn't exactly Pixie Approved. Fucking. Moron.

"Well, hopefully you'll have two halfway decent TA's for next year. Anyway, I'm off to bed. See you in the morning," She smiles, kissing me on the cheek before rushing off upstairs. I sit there reveling in the feeling of her lips against my skin for a few moments, before dragging my own sorry carcass to bed.

By the time I wake up the next morning, Bella's already left for the office, and I'm left to deal with a cranky Tinkerbell. Awesome. I make my way down the hallway to Alice's room. When I moved in here, I didn't really want the 3 guest rooms, and since my friends spend more time here than in there own homes, it made sense to just let them fight it out for the rooms. Since there's only 3 rooms, Edward, the eternal gentleman, let the girls each have a room, and he usually just crashes on the futon in the den. I've been told that's where I'm being relocated to this for the barbeque, and I'm sure it's going to be barrels of fun to share the futon with Cullen. He's a snuggler.

I find Alice sprawled out across her bed. For such a tiny chick, she sure takes up a lot of fucking room.

"Alice, get your pixie ass up," I yell. She'll have her revenge later. A groan rumbles though her petite frame.

"Fuck you Whitlock."

"It's alive!" I quip. She pulls the pillow that's covering her face off, shooting me a death stare "Come on. I'll make you coffee. I've already given you a lie in. Bella called the shop earlier and told them you had a stomach bug."

"Fine. Go make me some coffee, wench, while I make myself presentable. You can buy me lunch from Roadkill to make up for the rude awakening," With that she dismisses me with a wave of her hand, and I go downstairs and fill up the fancy coffee machine the girls guilt tripped me into getting.

The Roadkill Café is this greasy spoon near my office, and I swear to god, the food there works miracles. I'm pretty sure that the bacon there could cure cancer.

Ten minutes later Alice prances down the stairs, and inhales her first cup of coffee. I never thought it was a good idea to caffeinate the devil pixie, but frankly, that girl scares me shitless. Especially when she's hung-over. So I act like a good little boy and do whatever she tells me. She drains the cup, before pouring herself another mug full.

"So Tink, I'm assuming I'm taking you to work," I grin. She takes another mouthful of her coffee.

"Seems like that's the plan cowboy. What are the chances that you've finally invested in a decent car?" She asks, looking hopeful.

"A googleplex to one, sweets. That car's my baby. We can't all drive Porsche's," I smirk.

"You could if you wanted to. You just insist on driving that rust bucket," She growls.

"And you insist on driving a turbo banana. We all have our personal preferences. And be thankful it's my car, and not Bella's," I smirk. Alice visibly shudders at that. She fucking hates that truck more than Rose and I combined. And that's saying a whole fucking lot.

"Well played sir. Well played," She replies, before walking to the hall. She grabs her purse, which was abandoned in her drunken haze last night, before opening the door.

"Pixie stick, slow the fuck down. Just because your presentable already doesn't mean I am," I yell at her retreating form. She lets out an irritated huff, before shutting the front door.

"Hurry up Jazzy. You have five minutes, or I'm driving your car into oncoming traffic," She replies sweetly. She'd do it as well. I hurry upstairs, grabbing a shower and throwing on a pair of jeans, converse and white button up shirt. Semi-presentable. I shove my hair away from my eyes. It'll do. I jog downstairs, finding Alice at the bottom of the stairs. She's tapping her foot and giving me the Pixie Death Glare. Oh she's mad. We leave the house and get into my car. Alice looks around disparagingly.

"Wipe that look of your face, or your walking the ten miles in your Jimmy Choos," I growl.

"Jasper! Have I taught you nothing. These are Manolos. Sweet mother of…" I can't hear the rest of her rant, but I've had it enough over the years to get the jist of it.

Twenty minutes later I arrive at Alice's boutique. She departs with a kiss on the cheek and a promise to be at my office at midday. I head over to the campus. The six people I short listed to interview are all sitting on the chair's outside my office. My first is a girl called Lucy Reilly. Seems good on paper, a history degree, and pretty decent recommendations from the last professor she TA'd for. In real life? Ditzy airhead. She leaves, and Anthony Simms enters. The guy stinks of weed, stale beer and vomit. His eyes are bloodshot, and frankly, I'm surprised he remembers his own name. Third, Madison Kent. Don't get me started. I didn't realize that she was one of the sorority brigade of panty flashers. I don't need that again. Just as I'm giving up hope a tall, rangy guy saunters in. He smiles at me before sitting down. He has sandy blond hair tied back, and a calm persona.

"Hello Professor Whitlock, I'm Garrett Alistair," He says, leaning forward to shake my hand. Oh thank fuck. I like this dude already.

"It's Jasper," I say, and he smiles at me again. Ten minutes later, he leaves my office, and I have at least one TA for next year. Hallelujah! Another sorority bimbo comes and goes, and then I'm left waiting for Jane Volturi. I peek outside, but no one is around, so I settle at me desk and try and start work on the next few chapters that I promised Tanya. Or I suppose, Bella now. That's weird. Ten minutes later, a tiny girl with short brown hair comes tearing into my office, before tripping over and dropping the pile of paper in her hands. It's such a fucking Bella-move that I end up bursting into laughter. She quirks an eyebrow at me, looking annoyed.

"Fuck, I'm sorry, but that shit was hilarious," I grin, before getting up and helping her gather the stuff that's now strewn across my office. I look up and she smirks at me.

"Yeah I suppose your right. Has Professor Whitlock left already? Fuck!" She growls. This tiny little spitfire would give Tink a run for her money. I take a second to look at her, now that the uproar of her entrance has died down. She's kind of adorable, huge blue eyes and a big smile. Although she sure as fuck ain't smiling right now. She's ranting about the 'Stupid fucking Metro'. I'm close to laughing again, but I'm pretty sure this hellion could have me writhing on the floor in agony with just a look.

"I'm Jasper Whitlock. I'm assuming you are Jane," I say, holding out my hand. Her face drains of colour, and she smacks her hand against her forehead.

"Of fucking course you are!" She shouts "Fuck, fuck, shit. I'm sorry. I'll just go," She says, before standing up.

"Hold on girly. Why are you leaving?" I ask.

"First, it's Jane. Not 'girly'. And I'm leaving because I just made an ass of myself, and I'm fucking late, and you've probably already filled the position, and this is already a shitty day, and I should just go home now, lock myself in my apartment and watch brat pack films," This girl can rant like no one.

"I really don't care that your late, and at least your entrance was memorable. So far your sober, you haven't tried to flash your underwear at me, and your application was probably the best one submitted, so why don't you just sit down, and let me interview you," I smirk. She looks conflicted for a second, before dropping down into the armchair in front of me desk.

"Well, the calibre of the people applying for this job sounds top notch. And I wouldn't wait on the whole panty flash thing. Your really not my type," She smirks. And while that line would usually be an ego-bruiser, I feel a rush of relief.

"Well thank fuck for that. Now, why do you want to TA for my class?" I ask.

Twenty minutes later we're arguing about the merits of certain battle plans when I catch the time.

"Well as much fun as it was, I'm going to have to wrap this up. My friend is coming over, and I promised to buy her lunch."

"No problem," Jane replies, gathering her stuff.

"So, now that you've gotten to know me a little, do you still want to TA for my class next fall?" I ask. Her eyes go wide.

"Defiantly!" She exclaims.

"Well, I have your number and your email address, so I'll email you with the details and the syllabus for next semester," I reply, shaking her hand. I'm so happy, I don't even care that I have to endure Tink for lunch. I've managed to find two hardworking, smart TA's, neither of whom want to fuck me. Life is good!

Just as Jane is gathering her things, my favourite Energizer Bunny bursts into my office. No fucking manners with this one.

"Jazzy! You ready to take me for some really greasy food," Alice exclaims as she bounces in. When she see's my new assistant, she freezes on the spot, before glaring at me. I quirk an eyebrow at her odd behavior, and Jane is looking between the both of us.

"Holy fucking shit! You're Jazzy?" She exclaims, hopping to her feet.

"Wait! Jasper is the 'awesome professor' you want to TA for?" Alice asks. I smirk a little at that.

"Can someone explain to me what the fuck is going on?" I ask the two tiny, crazy chicks that are screeching at each other in my office.

"Jasper. This is Jane. My girlfriend," Alice replies, looking cautious.

Fuck me running. It's a small world.


	13. 12:  Drunken Lullabies

**Bella**

For the love of Alexander Skarsgard. I try and do one nice thing. And fuck. I've managed to change the sheets in Rose and Emmett's room, because frankly, there's no way I'm letting those poor kids sleep on those sheets. God knows what those two get up to in there. I'm attempting to change Alice's sheets, but somehow I've fucking tangled myself up in them. And I can't fucking escape.

"FUCK IT ALL!" I growl to thin air. Then things get a little freaky. Thin air starts laughing at me. I struggle harder to escape my stupid self imposed prison, to no avail.

"Sweetheart, you need some help?" Thin air drawls at me, southern accent more prevalent than usual.

"Have you been drinking?" I ask.

"Sure have," He replies, before I'm hoisted into the air. Suddenly I see light as Jasper pulls me out from the duvet cover.

"Finally!" I exclaim, throwing my arms around his neck. He staggers back slightly under my enthusiasm, and we collapse to the bed.

"What were you doing anyway?" he asks, snickering.

"Trying to make the bed for Peter and Char. I'm ten seconds from giving up completely," I snarl at the offending bedding.

Apparently, this is really fucking funny because Jasper starts laughing like a little girl, before standing up and swiftly replacing the duvet covers.

"That's not fair," I growl. He just grins at me, before ruffling my hair and staggering downstairs, no doubt to make himself something to eat. Which means I'll have to go the grocery store before Peter and Char get here. When Jasper is drunk, he eats everything. I would have had to do a major shop anyway, Peter eats more than Emmett, and Felix is well on his way to matching his father's appetite. I finish up making the bed, before going downstairs to make sure that Jasper hasn't set fire to himself, or the kitchen. He must have turned the iHome in the kitchen on, because I'm assaulted by Queens Of The Stone Age at an ear-shattering level. I round the corner, and almost fall on the floor giggling at the sight in front of me. Jasper, crooning along to Josh Homme, using a knife as a microphone. He's dancing around while he assembles a sandwich that would put Shaggy and Scooby-Doo to fucking shame.

"We get these pills to swallow, how they stick, in your throat, tastes like gold," he sings, before bopping his head to the music. My giggles must have finally registered, because suddenly he turns on me, before sending me a mischievous smirk and stalking towards me. Fuck. I begin to back up, but frankly, his legs are a lot longer than mine, and I'm a fucking klutz, so of course, walking backwards is a major fucking mistake. I trip over the door jamb, but before I can fall Jasper has a hold of my hand, and pulls me towards him. I slam into his chest, his arm going around my waist, and begins to dance me round the kitchen, singing in my ear as he goes.

"And I realize your mine, indeed a fool am I, and I realize your mine, indeed a fool am I, ahhh," He sings, and I begin to laugh.

"You're a fucking moron, you know that," I ask as he twirls me, and I narrowly miss body checking the kitchen island, before he twirls me back to him.

"I know pretty girl, but I'm having too much fun to really care," He smirks, wrapping both arms around me, swaying gently. I relax into his embrace, before spotting the precariously balanced super-sandwich on the counter. I slip out of Jasper's arms before shoving him towards his food.

"Go on, eat your monster sandwich before it collapses, ya pig," I grin. He sends me a sheepish smirk before trotting off to eat his food. It's a fucking comical sight, seeing him try and take a bite out of that thing, and I sit snickering at him while he gnaws at it.

"So who did you go drinking with?" I ask.

"Alice and my new TA, Jane," He replies.

"Dude, don't fucking speak with your mouth full. Maria taught you better than that, and you know Esme would tan your ass for that behavior," I grin. He promptly shuts his moth, chewing and swallowing the mass amount of food he's shoveled in there.

"So what are your new TA's like?" I ask

"Really good. Garrett seems pretty cool, and it's definitely going to be a nice change of pace having a male TA. Jane, the one Ali and I went out with, is fucking brilliant," He says, shaking his head and chuckling. I quirk an eyebrow at him.

"I'm pretty sure Alice wanted to drown herself in whiskey halfway through the evening. I swear to god I've never met someone as argumentative as Jane, but she's fucking smart too. It's fucking refreshing," He adds with a fond smile. I don't think I've ever heard Jasper say anything positive about any of his female students of TA's before. It's… it's weird. Definitely.

"So what does she look like?" I ask, a ball of curiosity burning in my stomach.

"She's cute, tiny, like a wood nymph," he smirks. That sounds like a first glance description of Alice. So she's obviously his type. Fuck knows why but now I'm anxious, and more than a little on edge. "But you'll get to see for yourself, I invited her to the barbeque on Saturday," He says, before cramming the remnants of his sandwich into his mouth.

"Oh. That's cool. Anyway, I better go to bed, I told Tanya I'd come in early so that I could leave after lunch to see Pete and Char," I say, before darting upstairs to the sanctuary of my room.

I did need to be up early, but any plan I had to get a decent night's sleep is gone. I toss and turn for hours, trying to decipher the way Jazz talked about Jane. Already he seems to really like her, and he obviously respects her, and apparently she's his type. What really fucking bugs me is the fact that it bugs me.

After a few hours, I come to the conclusion that it's because I don't want Jasper to be hurt by some floozy who's only trying to further her career. Yep. That's it. That's definitely it. Only explanation.

Jasper

Pain. Immeasurable pain. Fuck. Who would have thought someone so fucking tiny could out drink me by so much. I didn't even realize how much I've had to drink, but I'm assuming it's a lot, because I can't remember anything after the flaming Tabasco and tequila shots. Bad motherfucking idea my friend. I can hold on to a small part of my dignity due to the fact that I'm pretty sure Alice is dying right now, for the second morning in a row. How she's going to attempt to open the store is beyond me, because I'm having trouble moving any of my limbs.

"Hey Jazz. How's the head?" A lovely, but booming voice asks.

"Please don't shout at me," I manage to croak out.

"I'm not shouting you moron," Bella replies, before pulling the covers down that I've strategically pulled over my head in an effort to block out the sun. Right now, I desperately miss the dreary weather of Forks. I weakly attempt to stop her.

"Don't worry, I pulled the curtains too. Come on, rise and shine princess," She smirks, her face peering down at me. "I brought presents!" She grins.

"Presents?" Okay, I admit it, I'm still ten years old and the idea of presents still gets my attention.

"Don't get too excited," She snickers, before handing me a bacon sandwich, a glass of OJ and a packet of painkillers. She also pulls a Hershey's Cookies and Cream bar from behind her back. I love this girl. I take the goodies from her hand and place them on the bedside table before pulling her into my bed.

"Thanks darlin. Your always taking care of me," I say, wrapping my arms around her, pulling her to my chest. I sigh in contentment.

"It's my job," She grins, snuggling closer to me. "But speaking of jobs, I actually have a real one now, that I need to get to. I'll be back at two, and we need to go grocery shopping," She says, before pressing a kiss to my cheek and clambering out of bed.

"Ewww. I smell like tequila, hangover and boy," She grimaces, before glaring daggers at me. I let out a bark of laughter which really fucking hurts both my head and my throat. Awesome time. She giggles at me wincing in pain before scurrying off down out of the room. A few seconds later I hear the monstrosity's engine start up, and then she's gone. Hmm. Bacon. I turn over, grabbing the sandwich from the plate, and scarf it down in less than a minute. Delicious. I grab the painkillers, and chase it with the orange juice before snacking on the chocolate bar. Already I'm feeling better. I clamber out of bed and stumble into the bathroom. Fifteen minutes later, a shave and a change of clothes and I feel human again. But that doesn't mean I'm doing fucking anything for the rest of the day. I grab the remote and crash on the sofa, and settle for a day of channel surfing.

Bella

Work is just dragging on. And on. I've finished the latest manuscript, and I don't want to start on the next one and have it on my mind all weekend. And solitaire just isn't that interesting any more. I huff out a breath of annoyance.

"Woman. If you sigh like that one more time, I'm going to have to gag you," Angela announces, smirking at me from across the room. We share an office that's connected to Tanya's, seeing as we're both Junior Editors in her department. Angela is possibly the nicest girl I've ever met in my entire life. She's like a Disney character come to life, all sunshine and life. I must be really annoying her if she's even joking about causing me bodily harm. She's worked here for 2 years, and is more than familiar with Jasper's work. My first day here she hugged me to thank me for taking his manuscripts away. Apparently, Jasper is universally hated by every editor in this office. Poor boy.

"Sorry Ang. I'm just excited!" I reply with what I hope is an apologetic expression. She rolls her eyes at me before getting back to work.

"Bella, why don't you just go home," Tanya smirks from the doorway. Shit. Caught by the boss playing solitaire? Probably not the best career move.

"You sure?"

"Yeah get out of here. All your doing anyway is distracting my one working employee," She laughs.

I grab my stuff and Tanya disappears back into her office.

"Hey, are you and Ben coming tomorrow?" I ask Angela.

"Of course. I'll see you tomorrow Bella," She says, waving to me over her desk. I quickly run into Tanya's office.

"Hey, are you coming round tonight?" I ask her. The gang are coming over, and so are Esme and Carlisle.

"Really?" She asks.

"Of course. Be there for about six, and bring some pajamas. Most likely it'll end up as a sleepover," I grin, before saying goodbye.

I get home and find Jasper napping on the couch, the Gilmore Girls DVD playing the credits on repeat on the TV. I attempt to sneak up on him, but that boy must have some creepy vampire sixth sense, because just as I get within reach, he has hold of me, and I'm squished underneath him on the couch.

"How was work sweetheart?" He drawls with a grin. I attempt to get out of his grasp, but apparently it's pointless, and I settle back. Realizing I've given up, he rolls off me, spooning me on the couch.

"It was fine. I invited Tanya round tonight,"

"Awesome. It'll be cool to hang out with her without her bitching me out," He smirks.

"Yes well. It's not just you. Tanya is probably the editor with the most patience for you in that while damn office. Just wait until you run into Angela or god forbid Eleazar Denali. They'll end you, pretty boy," Jasper's eyes widen at that term of endearment.

"Pretty boy? Really? Have you met our dear friend Edward Cullen? He, my sweet, is a pretty boy. I, on the other hand, am ruggedly handsome," He grins.

"Huh. I'd still use the phrase pretty boy," I laugh. This does not amuse him. At all. His hands shoot to my waist, and suddenly I'm on the verge of wetting myself because Jasper is tickling me so hard. The downside of teasing the boy you've known since you were 6. He knows exactly where I'm ticklish. Motherfucker.

"Stop! St...Stop! Jasper Nathaniel Whitlock," I growl at him. He starts to fucking snicker when I full name him, and he sits up, pulling me with him so I end up sitting in his lap.

"Sorry darlin. Couldn't resist."

"Fucker. Come on, we need to go shopping," I say, clambering off his lap.

"Lead the way."

"Quick side note," I say, quirking an eyebrow at him. He looks at me, questioningly "One day, people are going to realize I've never watched the Gilmore Girls, never mind owned the fucking DVD's," He simply grins in return.

"They'd never believe you. I'm far to masculine."

"Pffft. You. Masculine. Ha," I smirk. He narrows his eyes.

"Remember who knows all your secrets little girl. And all your ticklish spots," He growls.

"Oh Jasper. Your so very masculine and handsome. All the girls swoon as you walk by. Shaft ain't got nothing on you baby," I laugh.

"That's right," He grins, slinging an arm over my shoulder and dragging me from the house.

We climb into the car and head to the local grocery store. It's then that I realize the stupid fucking mistake I made. Have you ever taken a five year old grocery shopping? Then you know what I'm complaining about. Every sugary, unhealthy, colorfully packaged product he spots immediately goes in the cart. Normally I can control him, but today he has the perfect excuse.

"Jasper! Put the damn marshmallow fluff back!" I growl at him. He turns to me, pouting, holding up the bright pink jar of sugary death.

"But it's for the kids," He whines. If even half the crap I've already let him put in the cart is for Felix, Heidi and Chelsea, we'll be personally responsible for putting Peter and Charlotte's kids into diabetic coma's before the week is through.

"No! You already bought like, six different kinds of sugary crap. They don't need it. And I know for a fact that if we buy it, it won't be the kids that eat it. You, Peter and Emmett will run off and scarf it down before acting like the Alice on crack, and frankly, having her jacked up on sugar is going to be bad enough!" he pouts, before walking over and wrapping his arms around me, tucking me head under his chin,

"I'm sorry Bella. Your right. We don't need to buy it," He replies in a remorseful voice. I can feel my resolve start to weaken like it does whenever he pulls this crap. It worked when we were seven and he wanted my last Oreo, and it worked when we were fourteen and he convinced me to fucking cliff dive, and it's working now. Fucking master manipulator at work here ladies and gentleman. Alice might like to think she has the pout and puppy dog expression perfected, but that's only because Jasper only pulls this shit on me. I shove him away in an attempt to keep my willpower, spinning round and heading to pick up some food that will actually keep the kids alive.

Of course, when we get to the till, I realize why he didn't pursue his line of attack. The sneaky bastard snuck it into the cart while I was battling my internal war. Crafty motherfucker.

We've finished unpacking the car load of shopping, with me realizing that pretty much everything I forbade Jasper from buying is in the bags. One day, I'm going to have to get him to teach me his tricks.

"Go get changed sweets, you don't want your pixie approved outfit to get fucked up" He says, hip bumping me in the direction of the stairs. He's right, so I trudge up to my room.

I pull out a faded concert t and a pair of ratty denim shorts. Alice can throw all the fits she wants, tonight I plan on sitting in my back yard and drinking beer with my family, and I don't need to be in a fucking cocktail dress. So imagine my surprise when I make it downstairs and find the gang all decked out in their casual wear. Even Alice is in a t-shirt and a pair of leggings. I think this is the most casual I've ever seen her, and that includes the unfortunate times when she's dragged me to the gym. Her short hair is pulled into two pigtails, and she looks about 13 years old. It's no wonder that Felix has a crush on her. Rose is in a peach sun dress, and looks positively radiant, but really, that's nothing new. The boys are all dressed in jeans and t-shirts. And they still look like male models. I hate my friends some days.

"Hey guys," I say as I stumble onto the patio. I'm greeted and handed a beer, before being pulled down to sit next to Jasper. We chat for a few minutes, catching up on work, when I hear the doorbell ring.

"That's probably my parents," Edward says, standing up.

"Yep. There ain't no way in hell Peter's entrance would be that quiet," Jasper snickers. I clamber up, eager to see Esme. Esme Cullen and Maria Whitlock are the women that were there for me when I needed them. My first period, my first heartbreak, my first spa session, they were always there. Even now that Maria and Nathaniel are back in Texas, they still keep in touch. But I have a special soft spot for Esme. Few women can pull of being a mother, a housewife and owning their own business with the grace and charm that Esme Cullen can. Alice follows closely behind me, as Edward pulls open the door.

"Girls!" Esme announces, pulling Alice and I into an embrace.

"Hey Esme! Hi Carlisle!" I say to her husband as he greets Edward.

"Evening girls," He replies, before pulling us into his own hug. Esme starts looking over Edward like the over protective mother she is. I half expect her to pull out a handkerchief and clean dirt from his face.

"How've you girls been?" Carlisle asks us.

"Oh we're good. My hands totally healed now!" I exclaim, holding my hand up and wiggling my fingers for him.

"That's right. Isabella Swan, what were you thinking hitting that boy!" Esme scolds me.

"Sorry Esme."

"He looks like he would have a hard head. Next time, use a crow bar. Or let the boys take out their pent up aggression on that ugly mug of his," She smirks. This sends me off into a fit of laughter. Esme Cullen just condoned the use of violence. I should check that the four horsemen aren't far behind, just in case.

"I will Esme, don't worry," In grin. "Why don't you head out to the garden and I'll take your coats," I smile. Edward, Esme and Carlisle head outside, and Alice helps me hanging up their jackets.

Just as we're about to head back out to the others, I hear the sound of a car parking on the driveway. I pull open the door and find Tanya climbing out of her car.

"Does she drive a…" Alice trails of.

"Yup," I reply, looking at the black Volvo.

"Well. There isn't any doubt about it."

"Oh, I know," I laugh as Tanya climbs up the porch steps. She looks stunning as usual, her strawberry blonde hair pulled up in a messy but stylish ponytail. She's wearing a pale green thermal t-shirt and a pair of white linen shorts.

"Oh this is going to be so much fun!" Alice squeals quietly. I know. Who knew you could squeal quietly.

"Hey boss. How's tricks?" I ask with a grin.

"Oh their good. I was glad to finally get rid of you. I could actually get some work done," She laughs, pulling me into a hug, before turning to Alice and doing the same.

"It's so good to see you again Tanya!" Alice squeals. I know exactly why Alice is so excited to see Tanya. Alice has her matchmaking wings on.

"You too Alice. So, have the guests of honor arrived yet?" Tanya asks.

"Nah, we're just having a beer and waiting for them to get here."

"Oh, who's here?"

"The gang and Edward's parents, Esme and Carlisle, you'll love them," I smile.

"They really are like the best people in the world. You can't not love them," Alice agrees, bouncing up and down beside us. Sneaky little pixie demon. Even Tanya catches the scheming tone in her voice, regarding her suspiciously.

"Do you want wine or beer?" I ask Tanya as we hit the kitchen.

"Ooh, wine please," Tanya grins,

We find Esme in the kitchen pouring herself a glass of chardonnay.

"Hello girls," She spots Tanya and smiles at her "And who are you dear?" Tanya smiles shyly before introducing herself and trying to shake Esme's hand. But of course, Esme isn't having any of that and pulls Tanya into a fierce hug before releasing a giggling Tanya and pouring her a glass of wine.

"Come on girls, let's get outside," Esme says, slipping an arm through mine and Alice's. I grab a hold on Tanya's hand, pulling her with me. We walk out to find Emmett, Jasper and Edward engaged in some sort of ridiculous wrestling contest. Macho fuckwits. Emmett has Edward in a headlock, while Jasper has Emmett's arm pinned behind his back in an effort to get Emmett to release Edward.

"I'd love to say that they're usually better behaved than this, and that you've just walked in at an inopportune moment, but I'd be lying," Esme sighs, before going to sit down next to Carlisle. Before I turn back to the boys I catch the delighted look Esme sends to Rose, who quickly shakes her head. Huh. Seems like Alice might be right about there being something going on with Rosalie.

"Boys, boys, boys. When will you ever learn?" Alice admonishes them, her hands on her hips. All three of them instantly freeze and her faux-disapproving tone. I glance at Tanya, who is blatantly staring at Edward, who is luckily distracted by his fear of Alice. I nudge her in the ribs before bursting into a fit of giggles, and she soon follows suit. Alice's fake anger soon dissolves and her tinkering laugh joins ours.

"Tanya!" Jasper exclaims, before darting forward and hugging her.

"So this is the famous Tanya!" Emmett booms "You're the one responsible for giving my little sister a job!" He says, before capturing her in another hug. I glance towards Edward and notice that he's frozen on the spot. It's fucking comical. Emmett goes to sit beside Rose, pressing a tender kiss to her forehead. Alice dances over to Esme, sharing secret smirks and laughs, and Jasper comes and slings an arm over my shoulder.

"Edward, stop standing there like a fucking mute and introduce yourself to Tanya," Jasper laughs. Edward seems to shake himself out of his daze and darts forward, extending his hand to Tanya.

"Hello, I'm Edward Cullen," He says with a smile.

"Tanya Denali," She replies, taking his hand with hers. He pulls her hand up to his face before pressing a soft kiss to her knuckles.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Tanya," he replies gazing into her eyes.

"What a fucking smooth bastard," Jasper whispers in my ear, and I giggle, breaking the two out of their little love trance.

"Oh, the pleasures all mine Edward," She grins, before sitting down near Rose. And then the unthinkable happens. The one thing I never thought I'd see. Ever. I hand to god thought I would see pig's fly before I witnessed the sight in front of me. And I can tell by the accompanying giggles and snickers that no one else saw it coming either. Because do you know what I saw?

I saw Edward Cullen, fucking king of panty dropping smirks, turn a rather cute shade of red. That's right. Edward Cullen fucking blushed.

And it was marvelous.

He ducks his head before stumbling to sit down next to Esme.

"Seriously, have you and Eddie boy pulled some sort of Freaky Friday shit? Because the Edward I know has never blushed. Not even when Katya locked him out of his dorm room. Naked. At midday," Jasper whispers in my ear as he leads me towards the only free seat, pulling me into his lap.

"I know. Oh, the revenge I shall have," I smirk, tapping my fingers together like Monty Burns himself.

"That's my girl," he replies, resting his head on top of mine. We all sit for an hour, talking and catching up with Esme and Carlisle, and everyone chatting to Tanya, while Jasper and I do a running commentary to the cute little glances that Tanya keeps sending Edward, as well as the several shades of pink and red that Edward's face keeps turning.

*BEEEEEEEEEEP* The sound of an extremely loud and obnoxious car horn. I spin in my seat to face Jasper, matching grins breaking out on our faces, and suddenly it's a scramble of limbs to get to the door. We all run out the front door, and for once I'm not the only clumsy fucker. Of course I trip down the porch stairs but I barely have time to move before Jasper's arm is round my waist and he's carrying me down the stairs. Emmett, however has no one to catch him, so he tumbles to the ground in a mass of overgrown limbs.

"Moron!" Rose snickers from behind him, before bounding down the stairs. And there they are in all their glory.

Peter and Charlotte motherfucking Whitlock.

Awesome.


	14. 13: Mother May I

Esme

I love my son, but I have come to the conclusion that my dear boy is both a cocky young gentleman, and to be frank, a man whore. So what I'm seeing now has been enough to render myself and my dear husband speechless for the last ten minutes. My son, Edward Cullen, is blushing. I never thought I'd see the day. I also catch Bella's somewhat smug grin. Someone is obviously happy that they aren't the ones blushing for once. Personally it's one of my favourite things about Bella. But still. Edward. Blushing. He is staring at the pretty young girl that Bella works for. She really is quite exquisite, and seems very lovely. The fact that Bella and Jasper think highly enough of her speaks volumes.

"Dear, is there something wrong with my sight or is our son turning a rather startling shade of red?" Carlisle whispers into my ear.

"There's absolutely nothing wrong with your vision Carlisle," I smirk. Carlisle grins, before turning to speak to Tanya with new vigor. I glance around at the other children. Edward may be my biological son, but I think of each of these children as my own.

I've known Alice Brandon since she was a year old, and I met Mary Brandon at the toddler and mother group in our neighborhood. Even as a baby, that girl was bubbly and happy. By the time she could walk, she was dragging Edward around behind her. It turned out to be a very useful thing for Edward, because without Alice dragging him, literally, by the hand, he would never have met the Swans or the Whitlock's, and we would all have been worse of.

I remember the day Alice's parent's kicked Alice out. It was the only time I have ever seen Carlisle truly enraged. He marched right over to their house and punched Gregory Brandon in the face. Alice had already fled, and Carlisle and I drove around all night looking for her. When we finally got home, we found a message from Charlie Swan, informing us that Edward and Alice were both asleep at his house, along with Jasper and Rosalie. The next day we came, took Alice back to our house, and she stayed there till college, and still calls it home.

By the time I met Emmett and Bella, their mother had already been gone for five years. I remember when Renee left town. It was the source of local gossip for months. I know she may be their mother, but I truly despise that woman. How she could just leave her children I will never understand. I'm just thankful for Maria.

Maria Whitlock. The only fellow mother that I like. She is one of my best friends, but I have to say, I'm thankful I've never been on her bad side. That woman could lead an army into war. We were shopping once, and ran into that dreadful Mallory woman, who was gossiping about Renee and the Brandon's to a woman that had just moved into town. Maria walked straight over to her and slapped her across the face. I've never been one to condone violence, except against Jacob Black, but that was one of the most hilarious moments of my life.

Even though they probably need it the least out of the group, I still think of Jasper and Rosalie as my children as well. When they both started to attend the University Of Washington, Maria and Nathaniel decided to move back to Texas. They still come back for the holidays, and usually stay with us, along with the kids.

I look around at my family. Alice is sitting next to me. There's something about her that seems even happier than usual. I do believe that she may have met someone. It's about damn time. I glance over at my son who is stuttering out an answer to something Tanya has asked him. Poor boy. It will do him some good to be a bit out of his comfort zone for once. I chance a look at Tanya, and can't help the grin that breaks out across my face. She's staring at Edward adoringly. It's rather adorable.

Bella is leaning against Jasper, who has an arm wrapped round her waist. Those kids. I have half a mind to bash their heads together. I have no doubt about the fact that those two are truly meant to be together. Jasper so obviously adores her. Each touch and look directed at her are so weighed down with love that it honestly breaks my heart that they aren't together. And Bella. Oh, Bella. When she started dating my son, I was delighted. She truly is one of the kindest people I've ever met, and I really did want for them to be together, but even I could see that they were never right for each other. I remember Bella's reaction when Edward asked her out. I'm pretty sure she spent most of their relationship in a permanent state of disbelief. That child could never understand why anyone would want her, or love her, the silly girl. I wish that I could record the way she acts around Jasper though, and show it to her. She naturally gravitates towards him in any situation. She always has. They have always been so very close. I know she loves Jasper as much as he loves her, but I honestly don't believe she knows it, nor him.

Emmett has Rosalie pulled into his lap. Those two are so very lucky. To meet the person your perfect for at such a young age, and to actually get that person, is a very lucky thing indeed. They may fight and argue passionately, but they love each other so very deeply. Emmett is a very excitable and exuberant young man, but as soon as he has a hold of Rose, it's like his entire being calms down. He looks at her with adoring eyes. She has her head rested against his chest, a smile on her face. But there's something a little off about it, a little forced. She looks spectacular today. Practically glowing. I wonder… but then again, she's drinking alcohol. And I know from past experience that if that were true, Alice would know. And if Alice knows, everyone knows. Hmm. Curious.

"Are you alright dear?" Carlisle asks. I beam at the love of my life.

"I am. Just thinking about how good life is," I reply, kissing him on the cheek.

"That it is, my love. That it is," He grins.

I think about my family. That is what we are. I am so very thankful for them, and not just the children. Without them, I wouldn't have met Charlie, Maria or Nathaniel, people who I truly cherish. Even now, Charlie still comes over once a week for dinner, and we spend all our holidays together. Life is good.

Speaking of good thinks….

*BEEEEEEEEEEP*

Ahhh. Peter and Charlotte. I haven't seen them in a very long time. The children take of running, a mass of arms and legs fleeing though the house. You'd think we hadn't taught them how to behave at all.

I notice Tanya hanging back bit, and wave Carlisle on.

"Come on sweetheart, you must meet Peter and Charlotte. It's definitely an experience," I smile at her, offering my arm. She grins and me, looping her arm through mine, and we set of through the house. We come outside to find them paused at the bottom of the porch steps. Then they all move as one towards the two figures at the end of the driveway. I share a smile with Tanya, before pulling her towards the masses.

Yes. Life is good.


	15. 14: Sleepless Nights & City Lights

Bella

Rose dives past me, flinging herself into Peter's arms, while Char does the same thing to Jasper. Pretty soon it's all a mess of hugs and greetings. A pair of arms wrap round my waist, lifting me up in the air.

"Well, well, well. How ya doin' Hells Bells?" Peter asks, twirling me around.

"I'm good Peter Pan. Where's the offspring?" I ask, looking for the blonde heads of Felix, Heidi and Chelsea.

"They're all conked out in the back of the car," He replies, putting me down. Skinny arms replace the buff ones as Char barrels into me.

"Fuck Bella, I've missed you," She says, and I hug her back, before pulling away to get a good look at her. Char is stunning. It's really the curse of practically everyone I know. She's about an inch taller than Alice, with long white blonde hair that falls down to her ass, and hazel eyes.

"I've missed you too bitch. Your looking good," I grin. Over her shoulder I see Peter spinning Alice round like a rag doll.

"You too," She says, before pressing a kiss to my cheek.

"What am I? Chopped liver?" Peter asks, before hugging Esme and shaking Carlisle's hand.

"We all know your gorgeous Pete, we just don't want to inflate your ego. We had enough problems fitting your head in the door last time you were here. You don't want your only means of escape to be the patio doors do you?" Alice from beside him. She is right, Peter is pretty stunning. Tall, with curly blonde hair and dark blue eyes. He's dressed in a pair of cowboy boots and a fucking cowboy hat. Typical Peter.

"Wake those kids up motherfucker. I haven't seen them in ages," I say, playfully punching Peter in the shoulder.

"Control yourself woman," He mock- growls, before sauntering over to the car to wake up the kids. A few moments later, the sound of tiny feet running towards us.

I spun around the see the twin's both running full pelt at Jasper, who managed to scoop them both up. Felix sauntered behind them, looking exactly the same as Jasper had, the moody pre-adolescent. Peter's father was Nathaniel's twin brother, so the resemblance between Peter and Jasper is already comical. They could easily pass for twins themselves, with only a few years between them. Peter is kind of like the clean cut Jasper. No tattoo's, no piercings. And Felix is just a mini-me of the two of them. He stands back a little as everyone coos around the girls, and I walk over, wrapping an arm around his shoulder.

"That's not fair you know. Your taller than Alice now," I whisper into his ear. His face breaks out into a grin.

"That's not really hard to accomplish Aunt Bella," He smirks. I throw back my head and laugh before pulling him into a hug.

"Come on children, let's get you something to drink," Esme announces, before whisking the kids off the kitchen. Esme Cullen, mother to all. I grin as she ushers them into the house, no doubt to serve them a nutritionally balanced snack. Poor kids. I'll sneak them some junk food later.

We all walk back into the house and find Esme rooting through the fridge for something to make the kids.

"Bella, is there anything in this fridge with any nutritional value at all?" She asks, her head still stuck in the fridge.

"Unless the food group your looking for is sugar, probably not," I laugh. The others all walk out to the garden, leaving Esme and I with the kids. Heidi and Chelsea are sharing one of the kitchen stools, while Felix is sitting with his iPod ear buds in, ignoring the world. I open a cupboard and find some bread, as well as Nutella.

"Bella…" Esme says as I start to spread the chocolate spread over the bread.

"Esme…." I giggle back. She rolls her eyes at me.

"I refuse to have any part of this," She smirks, before wandering outside. The girls grin at me when I hand them their sandwiches. They really are an adorable pair. All white blonde hair and gap-toothed grins.

"Thanks Aunt Bella," They chime in unison. If I didn't love them so much, I'd be creeped out as fuck.

I hand Felix his plate, yanking the ear buds out as I do.

"Don't be ignoring me boyo. What you listening to," I ask, jumping up onto the counter. This earns me an eye roll, but a grin as well. He takes a bite of his food before answering me.

"Taking Back Sunday," He smirks.

"Ahh. You little emo kid."

"You bought me this album. You don't really have a leg to stand on, Aunt B," He laughs.

"Well. It's a good album," I justify.

"Yeah it is," I look down at his plate. "Damn boy. Did you inhale that, or did Emmett sneak in without me noticing?"

"What can I say. It was a good sandwich. And it looks like the gruesome twosome agree," He laughs. I glance at the girls and realize that they have finished as well.

"It's suddenly becoming more and more apparent that you three really are Peter's kids," I smirk, before leading the three outside.

"…So anyway, we've all searched for Edward for like, an hour, and we decide that, to hell with it, he's a big boy and can find his own damn way home from the club, so we leave. We're standing on the sidewalk waiting for a taxi when we hear this moaning coming from the alley…" I know this story, so I clamp an hand over Heidi and Chelsea's ear's, pushing there heads together so they can't hear what my dumb-ass brother is talking about.

"EMMET CHARLES SWAN!" I yell, and he swivels round, fear in his eyes. That's right dipshit, your in trouble. "That story is not appropriate for children, so shut your mouth," I growl. Everyone starts to snicker as Emmett hands his head in shame, except for Edward, who mouths thank you to me, relief evident in his eyes.

"Dude. You just got full named. Your in deep shi-" Peter is cut off as Charlotte slaps him over the head.

"If you boys don't behave, I have no problem sending you to the naughty corner," Esme says, smirking. Both boys begin to snicker until she shoots them the stink eye, which shuts them up pretty fucking fast.

We all lounge around the pool, catching up with Pete and Char, as well as finding out what the kids have been up to since we last saw them. Heidi and Chelsea are both starting ballet class, and Felix's Pee Wee baseball team has made the play-offs. This earns him fist bumps from the guys, and he looks so fucking adorable with that proud grin stretched across his face.

It get's to ten o'clock, and the kids are showing no sign of calming down.

"Okay kids. It's about time we headed back," Carlisle says, wrapping an arm around his tipsy wife. I fucking love drunk Esme. She's so… talkative. Haha.

"Yesh. I want to go home and spend some _quality_ time with my hot husband," She grins, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. Edward's face turns a particularly attractive shade of green, while the rest of us collapse into hysterical laughter.

"Yeah, we need to be getting the kids to bed," Charlotte adds, capturing a hyperactive Heidi round the waist. Peter picks up Chelsea and tosses her over his shoulder.

"Pretty sure that means you too, Felix," Jasper grins.

"Your damned right it does," Peter says, catching his son in a headlock and pulling him towards the house.

We all say our goodnight to the kids, and the go to bed. Emmett turns to me with pleading eyes.

"Now can I finish the story?" He asks, pouting. I see the color drain from Edward's face, and glare at Emmett.

"No. You can't. And have you really spent the past four hours holding that in?"

"Of course he has. It's Emmett," Jasper snickers.

"Yep. That's my baby," Rose smiles, leaning her head against Emmett's chest. Peter and Char come back downstairs and we decide to head into the living room. Peter and Char take the love seat, and Emmett sits down in the armchair, pulling Rosalie into his lap. Tanya, Alice and I take the couch, and Edward and Jasper sit down on the floor in front of us.

"Movie?" Alice asks.

"Ooh. Yeah," Emmett says, clapping his hands together like a toddler.

Unfortunately, his glee is quickly crushed, as we end up with 10 Things I Hate About You.

"I so love the fact that the girls outnumber the boys now!" Alice squeals, wrapping her arms around Tanya in a hug.

We get through about half the film, when suddenly Peter sits up, straight as a rod, staring at Rose, a grin threatening to break out on his face. His eyes flick to Alice, an unspoken question in them. She glances over, and he flicks his eyes back, before raising an eyebrow. Fuckers.

"See! I knew I wasn't the only one!" Alice exclaims, sitting up straight.

"Is…?" He trails off.

"She won't…" Alice explains. Tanya looks utterly confused, while the rest of us look pissed, and Rose is glaring at them like they just bitch slapped her.

"What are you fucking Wonder Twins talking about now. This shit is getting old bitches," Charlotte growls.

"They won't tell us. Creepy fuckers," Jasper says, rolling his eyes. It's true. Peter and Alice have an odd sort of… connection. They both just know shit. And when they get all knowledgeable, they have these creepy little conversation. Once, they had an hour long conversation like this, all half sentences and meaningful looks.

It's fucking annoying, to say the least. Because those little shits never tell the rest of what's going on.

"Your right. We won't," Alice smirks, and Peter begins to guffaw.

"*cough*assholes*cough*," Edward says from his place leaning against Alice's legs. She slaps him over the back of the head, and he coughs up his beer. Seeing the immaculate Edward Cullen shoot beer out of his nose and down his nice white shirt sends us all giggling like 6 year olds.

"Is anyone else confused? Or is just me?" Tanya asks.

"Don't worry. We're all confused," I sigh, before taking a sip of my beer.

"It's pretty much our constant mental state when Alice and Peter are in the same room," Edward says, grinning at Tanya. She smiles back shyly and his grin widens. Oh they're too cute.

I'll be having words with Mr Cullen. Serious words.

We watch the film, and by the time it's over, everyone is nodding off.

"I should call a cab," Tanya yawns.

"Don't be stupid, you can stay here," I reply, because that shit will be insanely expensive.

Peter and Char head upstairs, and I tell Em and Rose they can take my room, but if they do anything in my bed, I'm burning the sheets then returning the favor in there's. That's enough to kill any mood Emmett has going on, and they trod off.

"Boys, looks like your taking the futon in the den," Alice sings at Edward and Jasper.

"Ex-fucking-cuse me Tinkerbell, but I have a perfectly good bed upstairs," Jasper replies.

"No you don't. Your bed's the biggest, and there are three of us. So you get to share with Edward," She replies.

"But I don't wanna. You know he's a cuddler!" Jasper whines as we walk upstairs.

"So are you," I reply with a smirk.

"Yes, and that's fine when the person I'm sharing my bed with is a girl. When I wake up being spooned by Cullen, it ain't fun!" He snarls.

"Tough luck sugar," I laugh, before dragging Tanya upstairs with me before she voices her idea on sharing the futon with Edward. That's right girly. I'm onto you.

We walk in to find Alice raiding Jasper's dresser, and pulling out a t-shirt.

"I'd grab my stuff, the I'm pretty sure the kids are sleeping. Do you dare go to your room for pajamas?" She asks.

"Fuck no. Ignorance is bliss. I'll just bleach the sheets tomorrow," I reply, before grabbing a couple of concert T's from Jasper's drawer, and handing one to Tanya.

"Jesus. You guys weren't kidding when you said Jasper had a huge bed," She says, staring at it.

"It's the only way I will share a bed with Alice. She's a kicker,"

"That's because I'm trying to shut you up, talker," She mock glares.

"Well, I've been told I'm a cuddler. Sorry," Tanya adds with a smirk.

"Don't worry, we'll be talking about _that_ in the morning. Right now, sleep!" I say, before we all crawl into bed. Tomorrow is going to be hectic, to say the very fucking least.


	16. 15: Total Revenge

**Bella**

"That's possibly one of the hottest things I've ever seen."

_Smack_

"Fucking ouch woman. What the hell's that for?"

"For being a sick little deviant."

"It's hot! You know it's hot!"

"Stop fucking talking about my sister like that you little pervert."

"If that was Rose, you'd think it was hot!"

"Yes but it's not, it's my baby sister you deviant, so get the fuck out."

"ALL OF YOU GET THE FUCK OUT," I growl, my eyes still closed.

"I concur," I hear Tanya's voice from my left.

"Yeah. Fuck off," Alice mumbles from my right.

A blinding flash goes off, and I open my eyes to see Peter bouncing from one foot to the other waving a camera in his hand.

"Peter Fucking Whitlock, you have 3 seconds to get the fuck away from me before I bitch slap the shit out of you," I growl.

"See. Now who's getting full named, moron," Emmett says, leaning against the door way, before grabbing hold of Peter's collar and dragging him from the room.

"I'll make you girls some coffee. How'd you take it Tanya?" Char asks in a soft voice.

"You're an Angel," Tanya croaks "With lots of sugar and milk please."

Char scurries out of the room, and I can hear Peter arguing with Emmett about the fact that 'fucking' isn't his middle name. Idiots.

I try and sit up, but there's a weight weighing me down. I open my eyes to see Alice draped across my chest, with my legs throw over her. Tanya's legs are thrown across me, and my head is lying on Tanya's stomach, her leg hiked over my hip. And we're all in t-shirts. And panties. And that's pretty much it. No wonder Peter was perving out.

"How exactly did we end up like a human pretzel?" Tanya asks.

"No idea. But I'm no longer surprised that Peter took a photo," I groan.

"He took a what?" Alice says, her head popping up, and looking at me. I burst out laughing. Early morning Alice is fucking adorkable. Her hair is sticking straight up on one side, and her eyes are wide.

"Motherfucking PETER!" She screeches, shattering one of my eardrums, before scrambling off the bed and racing out of the room. A girly shriek echoes through the house.

"What did they do to Alice," Tanya asks as we both sit up.

"That wasn't Alice shrieking. That was Peter," I snicker.

"Fuck. Really?" She asks, standing up and stretching.

"Oh yeah. For a tiny little thing, Alice brings the pain," I smirk. "Let's go see what she's doing to him," I laugh.

I grab Jasper's camera from his dresser and Tanya and I run out of the bedroom and downstairs. We find Char, Emmett and Rose laughing so hard that none of them are actually breathing. Oh this is going to be good! What I see causes me to stop in my tracks, and Tanya slams into me. Fortunately, I'm frozen stiff, and I'm pretty sure Tanya weighs the same amount as a cocker spaniel, so for once, my balance actually wins, and I stay standing. My mind is still trying to process the image in front of me because…

FUCK! I turn on Jazz's camera and start snapping photo's, before switching to video. This. Is. Fucking. Priceless. Tanya starts to hyperventilate with laughter.

Because the scene in front of me is… oh so very good. Alice has somehow procured the tie from my robe on her dash through the house, and has somehow hog-ties Peter, and is sitting on him, flicking his ear.

"Apologize."

"No."

"Apologize."

"No."

"FUCKING APOLOGISE BEFORE I CASTRATE YOU WITH A RUSTY SPOON," She shrieks

"Hell no!" He says, thrashing around.

"Fine. Apologize before I pull your pants down, and leave you in the yard for all the old skanky housewives to molest," She growls in his ear.

"You wouldn't," He replies.

"You obviously don't know me Peter. That makes me sad," She whispers, before slipping her hand down to his jeans. Oh my fucking god. She's going to do it. Hallelujah! In a quick motion, she yanks off his belt and pulls his jeans down.

"Well, well, well Peter. Looks like someone is going commando," She smirks. Bad. Fucking. Move. Whitlock.

"Alice. Don't do this. DON'T YOU DARE DO THIS," He begins to shriek. Like a little fucking girl.

She grabs the bathrobe tie, pulling him backwards, and suddenly I've seen more of Peter Whitlock than I ever needed to. Much more.

"You girls going to stand there, or are you going to give me a hand?" She asks us, smirking. I turn to Tanya and we share a vicious grin, before darting forward.

"Oh your gonna pay for this Hells Bells. You too Tanya!" He snarls as we each grab an arm.

"Char, I really don't want to go any where near Pete Jr. so, can you grab his legs?" I ask. She grins and darts forward.

"Charlotte! Baby. Don't. You love me. Don't do this!"

"I do love you baby. But this shit is funny," She smirks. We carry Peter out the front door, and leave him on the yard, his pants pulled all the way down to his ankles. Rose has picked up the camera that I handed to her when I went to grab Peter. She's laughing her ass off, leaning against Emmett for support, who ain't doing much better.

"Char, baby, don't do this to me!" He says as the four of us walk back to the house.

"Sorry sweet cheeks!" she says, waving over her shoulder.

"Bella! Alice! Tanya! Rose!" He yells.

"You might want to quiet down sweet cheeks. You don't wanna be wakin' up the housewives," Char giggles.

We make it back inside and grab our coffee's.

"Wait. Where are Jazz and Edward? Surely all of Peter's shrieking woke them up?" Tanya asks. I snort back a laugh.

"Not a chance. They both sleep like the dead when they want to," Alice giggles.

"Let's go wake them," Char grins, before bouncing off towards the den. We all follow.

"You got that camera handy?" I ask Rose.

"Of fucking course," She snickers. We sneak inside the room hushing each other.

"Aww. Could they be any cuter?" Char asks.

"Could they be any gayer?" Emmett adds with a snicker.

"Because you've never cuddled with Edward?" Rose sniggers.

"I was cuddled against my will dammit!" He growls. Rose starts to snap pictures of the two on the futon. Jasper is practically falling off the bed he's shuffled so far over, while Edward is spooning him. I'm so sending this out as a Christmas card.

I announce that to the room.

"You do that, and I can guarantee that that picture of you three in nothing but Jasper's shirts and your panties will be sent right along with it," Rose smirks.

"Yeah. That ain't happening," Tanya says.

"What do you say we wake these boys up properly?" Alice asks with a quirked eyebrow.

"Did you mean for that to sound as dirty as it did?" I ask.

"Ewww! No! That's so frickin' gross," She says, shuddering and making faces and we begin to giggle incessantly.

"So what exactly did you mean?" Tanya asks. Alice grins maliciously.

"I meant this," She says, before taking a running jump and landing on top of them. Tanya, Char and I follow, while Rose continues to take photos. Alice has landed in the middle, shoving Edward across the bed, right into the path of Tanya, so she land on top of him.

"Wha….?" Is Edward's eloquent remark at having been woken so brutally as he sits up, so Tanya is left sitting in his lap. Both are bright fucking red. Tee hee. Char and I drop on to Jasper. Damn boy has reflexes like a cat and suddenly I'm being tickled.

"Fuckers," Is Jasper's reply, as he tickles both Char and I.

"Jazz! Quit it!" Char screeches between giggles. Jasper tickles me behind my leg, and I reflexively kick out and land a pretty solid kick to Jasper's abdomen.

"Oof!" He yells, before flying backwards, catching me around the waist as he goes.

"Oomph!" I yell as land on Jasper with the grace of a sack of potatoes.

"Fuuuck. For such a slip of a thing, you sure pack a hell of a wallop!" Jasper groans as he shifts me off him.

Apparently our little slapstick comedy routine has finally snapped Tanya and Edward out of their adorable little stare-off contest.

"If you didn't wanna be crushed then you shouldn't have grabbed hold of me, ass-face," I say, smacking him over the head with a pillow.

"Shut up, Bellarina," He replies, before tickling me again. It takes a few seconds for us to all settle down, and then everyone's attention turns back to Tanya and Edward. Who have suddenly realized that yes, that's right, she's still straddling him. Haha. They both turn the color of fire hydrants, and I swear to fucking god, I have no sympathy. I've had to deal with these fuckers teasing me for twenty years. It's pretty fucking nice to have someone else have to deal with that shit.

**Jasper**

It's two in the afternoon. We've finally managed to get everyone clean, dressed, and get everything set up. It's been somewhat of a military operation. Rose, Emmett, Ali and Edward all went home to get ready, but that still left eight of us, and one bathroom. Rose and Emmett arrived twenty minutes ago, and are both sitting on a lounge drinking beer. Ali and Edward arrived are making their way up the path now. The kids are entertained, running around the back garden in their swimsuits.

"Jazzy!" Alice squeals, like she didn't see me four hours ago. "This is going to be so much fun!"

"Damn straight Tinkerbell," I grin, hugging her with one arm.

"Thank you for inviting Jane," She whispers to me, before pulling me down and kissing me on the cheek.

"No problem. She's pretty damn cool," I laugh. It was true. Alice has had a run of pretty fucking lousy girlfriends in the past. Well. That's a lie. Some of them were nice enough, but they just didn't fit in with us, or her. As far as I'm concerned, none of them had been good enough. I'd only spent a few hours with Jane, and I was pretty sure that this one would be sticking around. Not only is she a smart-ass, but she's funny as fuck, in a really sadistic way. And I can tell she already loves Alice. I can almost feel it. So this is Jane's test run with the gang, before Alice introduces her as her girlfriend. And I really fucking hope the hell beasts in the back yard keep their claws sheathed. No matter how bad-ass a person is, when the family of the person you love rips you to shreds, it hurts like a motherfucker.

"What are you too whispering about?" Edward asks as he catches up to us.

"Your lame ass attempt to tame your sex hair," Alice quips. Edward turns bright red.

"Seriously, have you and Bella pulled some sort of freaky Friday shit? Because I have seen you in some horrifying and compromising positions over the year, and dude, I have never once seen you blush," I smirk.

"Fuck you," He growls, before beginning to stalk off. He's too fucking slow though, because Alice scales him like a spider monkey, ruffling his hair.

"Let your sex hair fly free, Cullen. It's like your sexual superpower," She giggles, before running to the garden.

"EVIL PIXIE," He yells, before tearing off after her.

"And you people say we're the ones that need supervision," I turn round to see Felix smirking at me on the staircase.

"I know. Between your dad, Emmett and Edward, you're a little screwed."

"Don't forget about you, dear uncle. Your not exactly a role model for mature behavior ya know," He laughs. Punk ass kid.

"Watch your mouth boyo, or I'll tell Alice your in desperate need of a makeover," His eyes widen in fear, but before I can make good on my promise, I hear a few more cars pull up, so I open the door. A tall, pretty brunette is making her way up the path with a slightly shorter guy who's arm is draped around her waist. I vaguely recognize her, I think from Denali Publishing. Behind her is Jane, who looks so fucking nervous it's kind of funny.

"Hey guys," I say, waving to them. Jane breaths a sigh of relief and sends a sheepish grin at me.

"Hey, you must be Jasper!" The girl smiles at me "I'm Angela, I work with Bella and Tanya, and this is my fiance Ben," The guy smiles at me.

"Welcome, everyone is in the back yard. Just head down there, through the kitchen and out the back doors," I smile. Jane reaches us just as they head inside.

"You alright?" I ask, giving Jane a quick hug. She nods her head at me.

"I'm good. I think. It's nice to see you Jazz. Mini Jazz" She nods at Felix.

"I'm Felix. Jasper is my uncle," He grins, sending a lazy smirk at Jane.

"Definitely a mini Jasper," She mumbles.

"Come on bitchy midget, let's get you some booze," I say, leading her and Felix towards the garden where everyone else is.

Bella, Angela, Charlotte and Tanya are having some sort of conference next to the pool while Peter is watching Heidi and Chelsea play in the pool. Emmett and Rose are having a pretty intense looking conversation next to the barbeque, and Edward is sitting with Ben and Alice drinking a beer and sending longing glances at Tanya.

We've just come into the garden, when the door bell rings again.

"Felix, go play butler will you," I say, sending the kid off to answer the door "And just leave the door unlocked!" I yell after him.

"This is weird. I feel like I'm about to be eaten by wolves or something," Jane whispers to me, sending glances at the people around.

"Chillax. We ain't that bad. And look at the big ass smile that Alice is sending your way," She glances over at Alice, and a pretty adorable grin spreads across her face.

"Okay. I feel better now," She giggles.

"You kids are so damn cute," I quip.

"Fuck off Whitlock. Don't think I can't see you sending the Bambi eyes to the adorable brunette over there," Jane smirks. Little fucking demon.

"I have no idea what your talking about, you little fucking garden gnome," I reply.

"Meow. Someone's feeling awful bitchy," She grins at me.

"What can I say? Something about you just calls out to the vicious sorority girl in me," I laugh.

"Haha. Come on. Introduce me to cute brunette," She says, grabbing my arm.

"Cute brunette has a name. It's Bella," I tell her.

"Oh, I know. I just love teasing you," She smirks.

"Why do I feel like I made a terrible mistake hiring you?"

"Oh please. I met the other candidates. You would really rather have Barbie or Brandi flashing you their bits every time you ask them to do something?" She questions with a raised eyebrow.

"True," I laugh as we reach Bella and the others girls. Her nose is scrunched up and she has a bit of a pout on her face, before she notice's we've arrived. She smiles at us, but it's forced. I would know. I've spent most of my post-pubescent life looking at Bella Swan. I know a forced smile when I see one. I'm also smart enough to realize that bringing it up now will earn me nothing more than a swift kick to the groin.

"Hey guys. This is Jane. She's my new TA," I say, shoving Jane forward.

"This is Bella, her co-worker Angela, their boss and my darling editor Tanya," I say, pointing to each of them. Tanya's introduction get's me a smirk and a raised eyebrow. Yes, I'm buttering her up just a little in the hopes that I when I fall behind on my deadline over the next few weeks when Pete and Char are here that she won't kick my ass "And this one is my cousin, Charlotte," I say.

"It's really nice to meet you all. Is Mini Jazz is yours," She grins at Charlotte. This earns her a laugh.

"That he is. The two in the pool are mine as well," She smiles.

"They're adorable," She says.

"Adorable my ass. They're little villains," I reply. This earns me a smack over the head from Char. But she laughs a little and I know I'm forgiven.

"Well, you and Bella are watching the little villains on Monday night. My fuckhot husband and I are getting a hotel room, and then we're going to screw like it's going out of style," She grins. Ahh Charlotte. Queen of the over share.

"So that's why you drove all the way from Texas? Free babysitting?" Bella asks with a grin.

"Damn straight. Just be thankful we didn't just toss the kids from the still moving care before driving to the hotel," She says, taking a sip of her drink.

"So, why wasn't your other TA invited today?" Tanya asks.

"I did invite Garrett. He's taken his very pregnant wife to Alaska to see some family this weekend," I reply. Tanya starts to choke on her drink.

"Is your new TA Garrett Alistair?" She asks.

"Yeah. How did you know that?"

"He's my brother-in-law. His wife, Kate, is my sister," She says.

"Talk about nepotism, Whitlock," Jane says with a smirk.

"Is it still nepotism if I didn't know either of you before the interviews?" I ask.

"Nope. So how was hiring Jane nepotistic?" Bella asks. Shit.

"It's… complicated?" Is my highly eloquent answer. I receive four quirked eyebrows and a glare from Jane. Whoops.

"So let me get this straight. You, Mr I'm-Too-Cool-To-Wear-A-Shirt-And-Tie-For-Work, are the 'brilliant, genius professor at U Dub that Garrett has been going on about for months?" She asks incredulous. Bella snorts half her drink up her nose.

"Aww. I feel loved," I grin.

"Please. There were only two intelligent people who actually wanted to be your TA's. The other candidates were bimbo's and stoners," Jane replies.

"I'm beginning to regret not hiring the stoner," I say with a mock glare.

"Please. He'd end up using half your research material to make spliffs," She snickers.

"So. Top caliber applicant's again this year?" Bella smirks.

"Hey! There were two good ones. Even if one of them is a bit of a bitch," I reply, grinning at Jane, who simply reaches up and flicks me on the ear. "See what I mean!" I say, turning to look at the others. They are all snickering at me. Devil women.

**Bella**

What the fuck is with me? When Jasper walked back into the garden with Jane, my stomach flipped. And not a good flip. Like a sickening flip. She was so freaking cute. I hated her instantly. That didn't last long though. Turns out, Jane is both adorable and kind of fucking cool. I hated that.

The Cullens showed up not long after Jane arrived, with Dad following close behind. He'd brought Sue. As soon as he walked though the door, Emmett started wolf whistling, and both of them blushed. They've been dating for about 6 years. None of us know when exactly they got together, but at least half the time Dad goes 'fishing' up at La Push, he's going to see Sue. They like to think they're sneaky. They aren't. Surprisingly enough it was 9 year old Seth who noticed first and told us all.

That probably says something about our intelligence, but personally I choose not to dwell.

The parent's have been hanging out next to the barbeque pit, and Felix is watching the girls swim. We're all drinking on the patio furniture.

"Do you remember Kyle," Alice asks with a slightly tipsy shriek. Fuck no. She did not just bring up Kyle.

"That was a good night," Rose says with a sigh. Jasper smirks. Edward huffs.

"Please don't," I beg.

"It was the funniest shit. I can't believe you fell for that!" She snickers.

"Fell for what?" Tanya asks.

"The Naked Man," Emmett sighs.

"The Naked Man," Jasper laughs.

"The Naked Man," Edward growls.

"The Naked Man," Alice shrieks, almost toppling over with her enthusiasm.

"What's The Naked Man?" Jane asks.

"Bella went on this date with this boring dude. He asked to use the bathroom when he dropped her off. She stepped out to use the phone, and when she came back in, he was standing in the living room, butt naked," Alice giggles.

"Alice, you little shit!" I growl.

"Anyway, Rose was in the apartment at the time, and heard everything."

"Everything?" Angela asks, wide eyed.

"Everything," Rose drawls, smirking at me. My face heats up again.

"You slept with him?" Tanya asks.

"He just looked so bashful and I felt bad and…yeah," I mumble.

"So we all met up at the bar next day. I explained to the guys what had happened, and they told me it was something that had been on a TV show. The Naked Man. It works two out of three times, guaranteed," Rose smirks.

"And they were right," Alice snickers.

"You know I hate you, right?" Edward snarls.

"So, they all tried it out that night. Edward picked up a skank from the bar, Jasper was on a date with a horrific girl, and Emmett and Rose had a huge argument."

"Yeah, guess who got rejected," Alice says with glee.

"Well, Jazz has the good genes, so it wasn't him," Peter says with a smirk, holding out his fist for Jasper to bump. Jasper rolls his eyes, but obliges.

"I'm gonna go for the obvious answer. The arguing couple," Tanya adds.

"Wrong!" Alice giggles "Halfway through their argument, Rose stripped off all her clothes."

"Ahh, The Naked Man," Emmett sighs happily.

"It's still my favourite way to deal with an argument," Rose giggles.

"Yeah. Edward ended up being chased across campus by three members of the woman's rowing team," I laugh. Edward glares at me.

"That doesn't sound so bad," Peter says.

"He was buck ass naked. And the girls were wearing chasing him with oars," I add.

This sets everyone off laughing. The rest of the evening was spent embarrassing Edward. To make it fair, we also ended up throwing in a few stories that humiliated the rest of us.

"So they must have been about 14, and I'd come to visit for the summer. Rose, Jazz, Emmett, Bella and I went hiking. We were fine for the first couple of hours, when Jasper and I decided it would be really fun to climb this huge tree. So of course the others attempted to. I was about halfway up the tree when I reached with my leg pretty far to find purchase on a branch. My pant's ripped straight down my ass," Peter says.

"And someone was going commando," Rosalie snickers.

"Which would be fine, you have all seen my spectacular ass before. But someone," He says, sending me a glare "Cut her hand on a branch. Little Miss I-Faint-At-The-Sight-Of-Blood fainted and fell out of the tree. She broke her leg and her wrist, and Emmett and Jasper had to carry her back to the car. We were all really frantic and worried, just focused on getting Bella to the hospital. So we all climbed into Emmett's jeep and high-tailed it to the hospital."

"And Peter forgot about the massive rip exposing his ass to the world," Jasper smirks.

"Wasn't it a bit draughty?" Edward asks with a smirk.

"Well I didn't realize Bella kept waking up and passing out again. We got to the ER and rushed to the admitting desk. I didn't realize until the every single person in the ER burst into laughter," Peter adds.

"I remember that. You made the nurses day," Carlisle says as he comes up, slapping Peter on the back.

"Well who's day wouldn't be brightened by the sight of my ass," Peter smirks.

"Mine," Emmett adds with a shudder.

"And mine," Jasper says, raising a hand.

"Fuck you both. You know you loved it," Peter smirks.

**Jasper**

We'd just put the kids to bed, so we were all sitting in the living room.

"So Chief. How come you and Sue are finally admitting your together?" I ask. He glares at me.

"Well, we sorted of wanted to wait and see how Seth would react," Sue replies.

"Seth's known since he was, like, 9," Emmett guffaws.

"What?" Charlie asks.

"Please. Seth was the one that told Leah, who told us. We've all know for years," Bella adds.

"Well… I suppose that's that then," Charlie says, before sipping his beer.

The doorbell rang, and I looked round the room.

"Everyone we know is here. Who the fuck is that?" Emmett asks. Alice jumps up and dances out of the room.

We hear a scream from the front door, and Jane and I run out the door. Jacob Black is holding Alice in the air by her throat.

"I want to see Bella now," He growls out, before flinging Alice to the side. Her tiny body flies through the air before slamming into the porch railing. Her head smacks sickeningly off the rail. Jane let's out a strangled sob and run's towards Alice's crumpled body, cradling her head in her lap. I'm about to fly at him when Charlie and Carlisle shove roughly past me. Carlisle heads straight for Alice, pulling a flash light out of his pocket. Charlie heads straight for Jacob, and the Chief shoves him so hard that Jacob goes stumbling down the porch steps. He trips on the last step, landing on his ass. I notice the almost drained bottle of whiskey in his hand smash on the concrete.

"Jacob Black. What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Charlie yells. I realize Bella is standing next to me, fury all over her face. She makes a move to get past me, but I grab her, before indicating to Char, who wraps her arm round Bella, pulling her back to the house.

"Emmett Go to the car and get my cuffs," Emmett ran past me, Peter quick on his heel. Peter went to his car and Emmett ran to the cruiser.

While they are doing this, Charlie and Jacob are yelling at each other, until finally, Jacob shoves Charlie over.

"Bad move, motherfucker," Peter drawls, pumping the barrel of the…holy fuck, shotgun in his hand, before pointing it at Jacob Black.

"You wouldn't dare, hick," Jacob slurs, before turning back to Charlie, who's glaring daggers at him.

"Oh, you know so very little about me, asshole," Peter smirks, before firing the gun.

_Shit._


	17. 16: I Believe You But My Tommy Gun Don't

**Bella**

I was literally frozen in Charlotte's arms. And I'm pretty sure she was frozen as well. Peter is pointing a gun at Jacob's chest. Holy fucking Christ. Charlotte grabbed my arm and we ran from the living room window to porch where everyone else was congregated. We arrived just in time to see Peter pull the trigger of the shotgun. My eyes widen as Jacob is thrown back, lying on the floor.

"Peter!" Charlie yells, jumping up. Carlisle runs down to Jacob's side, leaving Alice, who is staring at Jane with tears in her eyes.

"Baby you scared me. Don't do anything like again please?" Jane asks as tears drip down her face. Baby? And then it clicks. They're together. Oh my…wow. They share a look that's filled with so much emotion and love that I feel like an intruder listening in. I glance back to the commotion happening in the front yard. Peter is smirking, the shotgun resting on his shoulder. Jacob is groaning and trying to sit up. What the fuck is happening?

"What the fuck is happening?" Jasper asks. Trust Jazz to voice my thoughts.

"Oh chill the fuck out. They were rock salt shells," Peter says, rolling his eyes. Charlie let's out a sigh of relief.

"Well, I'm pretty sure you broke two of his ribs, with some decent bruising. He'll be fine though," Carlisle says, standing up from Jacob's side. This apparently does not go over well with Jane, who jumps up from Alice's side and races at Jacob, landing on his chest, and I'm assuming, his two broken ribs, before attacking him. By the time Emmett manages to pull her off him, he has a nice set of claw marks down the left side of his face. He spits blood out, and my jaw drops when I see two white objects in the pool of red.

She knocked out his teeth!

"Let me go, I'm going to make him wish he'd never been born," Jane snarls, thrashing against Emmett's hold. I help Alice up, and she calls out.

"Jane," It's a soft whisper, but Jane stops struggling against Emmett

"Emmett, let her go," I call to my big brother. He set's Jane on the floor, before kicking Jacob in the legs.

"Scumbag," He sneers. Jane runs over to us, gently wrapping her arms around Alice's shaking frame. She sends me a grateful smile as I release Alice into her hold. I smile back. Seeing her with Jasper had made me feel irrationally angry earlier, but as much as I wanted to hate her, she had been cool. And I could see how much she adored my tiny best friend. That made her fucking awesome as far as I was concerned.  
>"Emmett, you get my cuff's?" Charlie asks.<p>

"Yeah Dad," He says, swinging them round one of his finders. Charlie takes them, before smacking Emmett upside the head.

"What are you gonna do Chief?" Jasper asks.

"Well, I'm going to throw this piece of shit in the back of my cruiser, then I'm going to take him to the police station. And unfortunately, your all coming with. Bella, your going to file a complaint and we're going to get you a restraining order. Alice, your going to press charges, then Jane here is going to take you to the hospital," Charlie orders.

"Alice is fine, a bit banged up, and someone should stay with her tonight, but she isn't concussed," Carlisle adds. Charlie nods.

"Okay. Jane, are you okay to stay with Alice tonight?" He asks. Jane nods.

"Alright. Char, are you stayin' here with the kids?"

"No. I'm coming to make sure my husband doesn't get thrown in jail," Charlotte says through clenched teach, glaring at Peter who just grin's back at her.

"Tanya and I can stay with the kids," Rose adds. Edward looks like he's about to offer to stay behind too, but a glare from me lets him know that ain't happening.

"Okay, Edward and Emmett, come with me, Bella, can you take Sue?" I nod my head.

"We'll take Alice and Jane so that Carlisle can keep an eye on her," Esme adds.

We all head off to our respected cars and file out like a military procession. Driving out, I see neighbors scampering around to each others houses, staring at us.

"Our neighbors must think we're fucking criminals or something," I sigh. Sue chuckles.

"At least it'll keep the desperate housewives away. They probably think you'll shoot them," She laughs. I snort at that. "So, I know this probably isn't the time, but are you sure your okay with your dad and me?" She asks nervously.

"Sue, if I'd had a problem with it, I would have come to you a long time ago. But I like you a lot, and so does my dad. After Renee left, I think a little piece of him died, and he was really hurt for a really long time. But I remember something changed the summer before my junior year. He got happy again, like, really happy. And I'm pretty sure that has something to do with you," I say, smiling at her. She blushes.

"I really do love him," She whispers.

"I know," I say, placing my hand over hers.

"So how are Leah and Seth?" I ask. Sue rolls her eyes.

"Leah is…Leah," I snort at that. Leah is a bitch is what Leah is. "But she said to tell you, and I quote "Way to go punching that mega-douche. I'm fucking proud," Sue manages to get the whole sentence out before dissolving into laughter. I sit wide eyed.

"I think that's the nicest thing Leah's ever said to me," I giggle.

"Well, I think her problem with you was with more to do with your association with Jacob. He's Sam's friend after all," I nod my head. That makes sense. Saw is a dick, who was engaged to Leah. Until she found him in bed with her cousin Emily. Long story short, Emily got pregnant, and is stuck with Sam for life. I think Leah got fucking lucky.

"And how's my future little brother?" I ask with a smirk. I love Seth. He's so fucking adorable, and the nicest kid I've ever met.

"He's good. He's joined a band. He call's it punk. I call it noise," She groans. I laugh at this. Poor Sue.

"I remember when the guys tried to start a band. They probably would have been good without Emmett," I snicker.

"He really has no sense of rhythm, does he?" Sue asks.

"Nope," I add as we pull up to the police station.

* * *

><p>Two hours later, we all leave. Jacob is in lock-up, and Billy is refusing to post his bail, so unless one of his loser friends decides to pay it for him, he's stuck there. I have an appointment at the courthouse on Monday to file a restraining order, and Peter got a pat on the back from the local law enforcement for shooting Jacob. That makes me smile.<p>

"Okay. Sue and I are staying at the Cullen's tonight, but we're all going to lunch tomorrow, right?" Charlie asks. We all leave, and I grab Edward by the bicep, dragging him to my truck.

"What the hell?" He says as I shove him at the door.

"Get in. I'm dropping you off," I say.

"What's up with you?" He snaps.

"There is nothing up with me, but you and I need to have words," I growl. His eyes widen at me, and he climbs in. Jazz sends me a questioning look from his car as he climbs in with Peter and Emmett I grin back at him, before climbing into the driver's seat. I start the engine, and drive, without turning the radio on or speaking. Edward starts to fidget nervously, while I fight not to smile. Five minutes into the ride to his place he explodes.

"Fuck Bella! What have I done wrong? Why do I feel like your about to whack me then dump my body in the forest?" He asks, shrieking a little. I snicker.

"As fun as that sounds, I'm really just fucking with you at this point," I giggle. His eyes narrow at me. "But seriously folks, we are gonna have a chat," I say.

"Oh are we?" He smirks.

"Yes we are, man-whore," I quip.

"That was mean," He sighs.

"But also valid. Which is why I'm asking you to do something for me."

"What?" He asks warily.

"Don't sleep with Tanya," I reply. Before I can continue my sentence, he starts ranting.

"Why the fuck not? Do you think I'm not good enough for her? I expect that from a lot of people, but not you Bella. And why the fuck are you so interested in my love life. You aren't my girlfriend, and haven't been for a long fucking time. Who I sleep with is none of your fucking business!" He yells. I've been trying to cut in for a few minutes, and now. Oh now, I'm fucking angry. I swerve to the side of the road and hit the breaks hard, causing Mr. I'm-Too-Cool-For-A-Seatbelt to smack his head off the dashboard. Hard. Good.

"What the fuck Bella? That hurt!" He whines.

"Good you conceited little bastard," I snarl "If you had actually let me finish my sentence before jumping down my throat, I wouldn't have had to do that. For your information, it is my business who you sleep with, especially when that person is my _boss_ Edward," His cringes as he remembers, and opens his mouth to apologize, but I don't let him. See how it feels to be talked over, dipshit "As well as Jasper's editor. You are involving yourself in both of our professional lives, Cullen. On top of that, she happens to be my friend, and not only my friend, but Alice and Rose's as well, but the most important point that I was trying to make before your little motherfucking drama queen routine was that you, despite being a complete fucker sometimes, are one of the most important people in my life, and I want to see you happy. And I think that you like Tanya, and that Tanya likes you. As I was saying, I don't want you to _just_ sleep with Tanya. Take it slow and get to know her. Don't fuck this up, or I will fuck you up, got it?" I say. I'm personally very proud of the fact that I got all that out without breathing once.

Edward has the decency to look suitably ashamed. Ha!

"Your right. And I'm sorry about being a dick. It's just. I really like her. I do. And when you said not to sleep with her, it felt like you were telling me I wasn't good enough. I'm sorry," He whispers.

"Stop being so sullen, Cullen," I reply with a smirk. He rolls his eyes but cracks a smile. "And I know you like her. It's kinda fucking obvious. Your mom practically shit rainbows when she saw the way you looked at her. Esme is already imagining little strawberry/bronze haired grand-babies and picking out color schemes for your wedding," I snicker as his eyes widen.

"She was, wasn't she," He sighs.

"Oh yeah. So do me a favor dig deep and find the sappy romantic that I know you are," he rolls his eyes at me "Oh don't eve go there Cullen. I'm the only girl you ever went out with, and you can be a complete prince when you want to be. And I get the distinct impression that Tanya won't find any of the stuff you pull as cheesy as I did," I smirk. He was a great boyfriend. And it's true what I said. He really was a prince. I just wasn't a princess.

"Shut up, Swan," He mock glares.

"Oh fuck off. Remember the first time we had sex? You put rose petals on the bed. That's such a fucking chick-move," I giggle. The glare turns real then.

"So what exactly are you telling me to do?" He asks.

"Woo the girl. Dinner, dancing, flowers, chocolate. And then when you think the time is right, play something for her. I guarantee she'll jump your bones," I say, as I pull back into the lane.

"Really?" He says, looking excited.

"Oh yeah. I may have mentioned how good you are with your hands," I reply, my cheeks blushing lightly.

"Did you now," He grins crookedly.

"Shut up. I did you a favor So. Lock up sleazy-Cullen, and woo the girl," I say, before pulling up at his house.

"Thanks for looking out for me Bella," He says with a soft smile, before kissing me on the cheek and climbing out of the car.

Hopefully I didn't concuss him earlier, and he'll actually remember the conversation we just had.

I get home and find that Rose and Emmett have gone home, and that Peter, Char and Jasper have all gone to bed. Tanya is lying on the sofa, her shoes kicked off, trying to get comfy on the sofa.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I ask. Her head pops up.

"Umm. I'm didn't wanna drive after drinking, so I thought it would be okay to crash on the couch?" She asks, nervously. I roll my eyes.

"I meant what are you doing on the couch!" I say as I walk forward and grab her hand, pulling her towards the staircase. "You should have just gone to my room. That sofa may be comfy, but your back will kill you in the morning, believe me" I say. We go into my room, and I grab her some pajamas.

"Just go to the bathroom down the hall. There should be some spare toothbrushes under the sink," I say, directing her to the bathroom that Alice and Rose and Emmett's room share. I head to the other bathroom. I walk in, and what I see makes me blush so hard I'm sure I look like I've spilt red paint on my race. I quickly run back to my room, and throw myself onto the bed face first. A few minutes later and Tanya walks back in.

"What are you doing?" She asks. I sit up and look at her. "Why are you blushing so hard?" She asks.

"Jasper…naked…water…ass," I mumbled, before burying my head in my pillow.

"WHAT!" She yells, diving towards me and snatching the pillow from my face. "You saw Jasper naked?" She asks, entirely too fucking loudly I might add. I smack her with the other pillow.

"Shut up!" I whine. "I walked into the bathroom, and he was in the shower, and you've seen our shower, you can see straight in, and he had his back to me, and he was naked! Naked Tanya! And there was water and suds and oh!" I say, before flopping down on the bed. Tanya starts to snicker before it evolves into a full on belly-laugh. She laughs so hard she falls over sideways, gasping for breath.

"What. Have you never seen a naked guy before?" She asks once she's regained her composure.

"Of course I have. I'm not a fucking nun," I snap.

"So what's the big deal?" She asks.

"It was Jasper!" I reply.

"And? That boy is damned fine. I don't see why your acting so deranged!" She replies exasperated.

"Because it was Jasper. I've never seen Jasper naked before. And it was weird," I reply, blushing again.

"Weird how?" She asks, the ghost of a grin playing on her lips.

"Weird like. Weird hot?" Yeah, that doesn't even begin to cover what I just witnessed. I know Jazz is attractive. But I've never really, _really _looked at him. Tanned and muscled and water running down his back and wow. I need a cold shower. "Like I shouldn't be looking at Jasper like that. And add that to what happened earlier…" I trail off. Tanya looks intrigued.

"When I saw him with Jane. I felt so…angry. Like I was jealous. But I don't get why I was jealous."

"You were jealous because they looked really comfortable together, and you thought they might be seeing each other," Tanya says confidently. I shoot her an incredulous look. "Don't look at me like that," She replies "How have you felt whenever you've seen Jasper with girlfriends before?" She asks. I think about this for a while.

"He's never really had girlfriends before, apart from Alice. And that was when I was with Edward," I reply.

"And I'm betting they weren't too heavy with the PDA," Tanya smirks.

"No. They just used to hold hands and stuff. I think the most intimate I ever saw them was when he used to kiss her on the forehead," I reply

"What about in college?" She asks.

"He didn't have girlfriends. There were a few girls that he slept with, but none that could be counted as girlfriends," Tanya shakes her head, before raising her eyes to the ceiling.

"It sounds like you were jealous," Tanya says.

"But I wasn't. I don't see Jazz like that. He's my best friend. That's it," I reply resolutely. Tanya rolls her eyes at me.

"Uh-huh. Come on. Let's get some sleep," She says, before we both climb into my bed.

"Cuddle me and die," I whisper to her.

"Oh please. You know how much it'll cheer Peter up," She snickers back, and I can't help but laugh.

As wrong as her theories were before, I like Tanya. She's pretty fucking cool. Cullen better not fuck this up. I might just have to keep Tanya instead of him.

**Jasper**

"Jazz wake the fuck up!" Bella giggles as she drops down on top of me, pulling Tanya with her.

"I haven't got this sort of wake up call since college," I smirk as I sit up, knocking the two girls off me.

"Whatever Whitlock. You need go get up and get ready. We're meeting for lunch at the Last Chance Café in an hour," She says, before attempting to get up. My arm reaches out and grabs her, pulling her against me.

"Five more minutes," I murmur.

"No. You need to get up now. Everyone else is ready," She laughs, before seeking Tanya's assistance at pulling her free.

"Breakfast?" I ask hopefully.

"Fuck no. We're getting lunch in an hour," She says, flipping me off as they leave the room "But there's coffee downstairs for you!" She sings. Mmmm. Coffee. I climb out of bed and wander downstairs. Peter and Char are still chasing the girls around, trying to get them to get dressed.

"Jasper Nathaniel Whitlock, either get yourself dressed, or help me with these kids," Charlotte snarls as she runs past me.

"Coffee first," I grumble. A tiny hand appears in front of me, waving a mug of steaming hot coffee in my face. I let out a soft moan.

"She could lead you to your impending doom with a cup of coffee," Felix says from his perch

"I'd follow happily," I reply.

Peter finally manages to wrangle the kids into their outfits after I've got dressed, and we head out.

We get to The Last Chance café just as the Cullens and Charlie and Sue are arriving. Everyone else has already arrived. We've been coming here for years. The owner, Karen, loves us, and has been feeding us hangover food since freshman year of college. This is probably a good thing today, as getting a table for 17 people would probably be a bitch.

"Jasper! Bella!" Karen shouts as she makes her way across the room. "I put everyone at a table in the back room," She says as she kisses us both on the cheek. She glances at Tanya, Peter and Charlotte. "Who are these gorgeous people?" She asks, smiling widely at them.

"This is Tanya, this is my cousin Peter and his wife Charlotte. The little devil's behind them are their kids, Felix, Chelsea and Heidi."

"Well aren't you three adorable!" She says to the kids. "Let's find something for you three to do!" She says, before walking off with the kids behind her.

"Did that crazy woman just kidnap my children?" Charlotte whispers.

"Yeah. But she's crazy in a good way" I laugh before we head into the back room.

"Why exactly did she just Pied Piper my kids?" Peter asked.

"She's going to find something for them to do. She'll have them decorating cupcakes or something," I say.

"Mmm. Cupcakes," Peter says, rubbing his stomach.

"Oh, just wait. They're even better than my mom's," I reply

"Don't tell her that," Peter replies, eyes wide.

"Do you think I have a death wish?" I reply, while Bella snickers.

"Maria would have your hide!" Charlotte laughs.

"Why will Maria have your hide?" Alice asks, bouncing up from her seat as we walk into the back room.

"Cos Jazz likes Karen's cupcakes better than hers," Peter replies. I laugh before looking at Alice. She has a nasty looking bruise near her hairline, and looks more than a little run down.

"Aww Tink. How you feeling?" I say, giving her a hug. She winces in my arms. "Shit, sorry!" I say as I release her.

"It's fine. And stop worrying, I'm fine. Jane's been taking good care of me," She says with a smile.

"Yeah, speaking of Jane, how come you didn't tell us you were seeing her?" Emmett asks, stuffing his face with bread. We all sit down before Alice explains.

"Because we're all judgmental bitches," She replies with a smirk.

"True," Rosalie replies before taking a sip of orange juice. "But we've come to the unanimous decision that she is pretty fucking awesome," She replies, smirking slyly. Jane sends her a thankful grin in return.

"And when exactly did you freaks come to the unanimous decision?" Alice asks with a quirked eyebrow.

"When Jane attempted to scratch Jacob's eyes out," Bella replies, ordering a drink from the waitress.

"I didn't attempt anything. I would have succeeded if Grizzly Bear hadn't pulled me off," She smirks.

"Yeah, and I'm pretty sure it took most of his body strength to do that," Edward laughs.

"I'm man enough to admit that that is true. She knocked his fucking teeth out!She's scrappy. I'd also like to point out the fact that she'd own your scrawny ass," Emmett replies.

"That's true," Jane replies, nodding her head.

Karen comes in and takes everyone's order, telling us that she's feeding the kids in the kitchen while they decorate cupcakes. Emmett pulls out his cellphone, dialing someone's number before nodding to Rose.

"Hello?" My father's voice speaks down the line after Emmett puts it on speakerphone.

"Hey Daddy. Can you put the phone on speaker so Mom can hear," Rose replies.

"She's totally about to tell her about the cupcakes," Peter whispers in my ear. I smack the back of his head.

"Fuck off," is my succinct response.

"Rosie!" Mom's voice sounds out.

"Hey mama," Rose says with a smile.

"What's going on baby girl?"

"Emmett and I have some news, so we thought we'd tell everyone at the same time," Rose says with a giggle.

"Everyone?" Dad asks.

"Yup. The Cullen's, The Swan's, Alice, your deviant nephew and his harpy wife, and a few of our friends."

"Hey dad, hey Mom," I reply.

"Jasper! It's good to hear from you boy. You need to call us more often!" Dad says down the phone. I roll my eyes before promising that I will.

"So, what's happening?" Mom asks.

"Emmett and I have set a date," Rose replies. This is big news. Emmett and Rose have been engaged since graduation, but they have never set a date.

"Baby that's wonderful! When?" Dad asks. Charlie slaps Emmett on the back before standing up and kissing Rose on the cheek.

"In a month," Rose replies.

"What!" Alice screeches "You expect me to plan a wedding in a month!" She's furious now.

"Yes. We're having a small wedding on First Beach," Rose replies. This calms Alice down a little.

"Why so fast baby?" Dad asks. Emmett looks nervous now.

"Because I want to get married before I get a baby bump," Rose replies with a smirk.

"I KNEW IT!" Alice and Peter yell at the same time. Rosalie just wink's at them.

My parent's congratulate them, and we chat for a few minutes. They promise to be back in Forks for the wedding, and Peter and Charlotte say they'll be here as well.

"If your pregnant, why were you drinking Peachtini's at Eclipse?" Alice growls.

"It was peach juice. I talked to the waitress before you got there," Rose laughs.

"You've been drinking beer all weekend!" Peter adds.

"Near beer. Emmett kept filling up an empty beer bottle with the near beer we hid in Jazz's fridge," Rose grins.

"What's with all the subterfuge sis?" I ask.

"I had to be sneaky with those two freaky fucker's around," Rose says, nodding to Alice and Peter, who pretend to look offended.

"Why didn't you want us to know?" Alice asks, pouting.

"Because we wanted to wait till the first three months had passed, and didn't want to be outed. We wanted to announce it ourselves," Rose replies.

"Fine. But next time, don't have me doubting my abilities. I thought I'd lost my touch," Alice huffs, crossing her arms. This get's a laugh from everyone but Peter, who pats her head sympathetically.

We eat lunch, and the kids return colored in food dye, but with a mountain of cupcakes for us to eat. Charlie and Sue say goodbye before hitting the road to get back to Forks, and Esme and Carlisle head home.

"You need a ride home?" Edward asks Tanya, who blushes before nodding her head, a massive grin on her face. Edward glances at Bella, who smirks at him, before drawing a line across her throat. Why the hell is Bella threatening Edward? Everyone heads off, and Bella and I climb into the car.

"Why did you just threaten Edward?" I ask.

"That was my subtle way of reminding him that if he fucks it up with Tanya, I'll kill him," She says with a snort.

**Bella**

We've just finished dinner, and Felix is unimpressed with the plans for tomorrow.

"I don't want to go to the zoo!" He whines.

"Why not?" Jasper asks. I think he's even more excited than the girls to go see all the animals. Peter, Char and Jazz are taking the kids to Woodland Park zoo, and I'm pretty sure that Felix would rather tear out hit own nails.

"Because it sounds lame. Can't I just go with Bella?" he asks.

"I'm at work tomorrow. You can come, but it's pretty damn boring," I reply.

"You work in a building full of books. How is that boring?" He replies with a frown.

"Good point. Bring your iPod and your DS and I'll set you up with a few unfinished manuscripts. Angela has the day off, so you can have her desk,"

"Awesome," Felix grins. That kid is so easily impressed.

The next morning I get Felix up early to get ready.

"I bet your regretting wanting to come with me today now, aren't you," I smirk at his tired face.

"Honestly. Yeah. But if it's a choice between reading all day, or being dragged around to stare at elephant's while the demon twins screech at me, you win, any day," He smirks.

"Go take a shower, we're leaving in 45 minutes," I say, shoving him in the direction of the bathroom.

"Breakfast?" He asks.

"There's an coffee shop next to the office that does really great bagels," I reply. He nods his head before going to get ready.

Twenty minutes later Felix is showered and ready, looking the text book definition of emo kid.

"Come on shorty, let's roll," I say, slinging my arm round his neck and dragging him to the truck.

"Shorty? I'm like two inches shorter than you, and I'm pre-pubescent," He replies with a smirk.

"Smarty pants."

"I prefer to be called precocious," He quips.

"I prefer to call you a pain in the ass," I smirk as I climb into the cab. Felix yanks the door open, and climbs in. And the truck won't start.

"Fuck," I growl. "Uh. I mean…urm…fudge," I say as Felix smirks at me.

"Uh-huh," He says.

"Wait here," I reply, jumping out of the truck and running back into the house, and to Jazz's room.

"Jazz!" I yell, jumping on his bed.

"I hate you," he replies.

"No you don't. I need your help. The truck won't start!" I whine. He sits up, grabbing the jeans that are abandoned next to his bed, before rooting though the pockets.

"Take mine. I'll call Rose to come take a look at it later on," He mumbles, before collapsing back on the bed.

"You're the best!" I say, before running back out of the house.

"Come on, we're taking Jazz's car!" I tell Felix when I find him leaning against the car.

* * *

><p>We get to the office a few minutes late, but I bought Tanya coffee to keep her happy. And happy she is. She's practically floating around the office with a huge grin on her face.<p>

"What's she on?" Felix whispers to me as we walk in. I don't know, but I'm pretty sure I know who she wants to be on.

"She's happy," I reply, before pushing him towards Angela's desk. I put his bagel on the desk, as well as the orange juice I got him, before dumping my own breakfast on mine. I walk into Tanya's office, and wave the coffee in front of her face.

"You're an angel!" She says, throwing her arms around my neck.

"I know. I'm trying to bribe you. Felix is at Angela's desk. I promise he'll be quiet and perfectly well behaved, he just didn't want to go to the zoo with the others."

"That's fine. I'll see if we have anything good in the children's fiction department and have them bring it up," She says, before following me into the office to talk to Felix while I get started on the new chapters that Jasper had given me last night.

"Oh crap. Eric is coming in here," Tanya whispers. I groan and drop my head on the desk.

"Who's Eric?" Felix asks.

"He works in the travel department, and he keeps asking Bella out. He's kind of creepy," She replies.

"Kind of doesn't cover it," I whine. He really is. Greasy black hair and bad skin, with beady little eyes. He's also mastered the art of creeping round the office and cornering me, because I swear to god, I never actually see or hear him till it's too late. I wonder if it's too late to hide under my desk? Definitely. The downside to have an office that's wall is made of glass. Frack.

"Bella. How are you this morning?" Eric asks as he walks in.

"I'm fine," I reply.

"I was wondering if you'd have dinner with me tonight?" He asks

"Umm. I can't," I reply "I have family visiting me."

"Oh. Well. Okay then," He says, before turning round. He notices Felix sitting at Angela's desk.

"Who are you?" He asks shortly. No need to get snaky with the kid, asshole.

"I'm Felix," he replies, looking at Eric with disdain. No eleven year old I've ever met is able to pull of that look quite as well as Felix.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to work with my mom. She couldn't find a babysitter," He replies. My eyes widen. What is that little shit up to?

"Your mom? Tanya, I wasn't aware you had a son," Eric replies, looking between the two.

"I don't," She smirks, before pointing at me. I glare at her.

"You have a son?" Eric asks, shocked. Oh. I get it now. This could work.

"Yes," I snap.

"Are you my new daddy?" Felix asks, faux-innocence dripping from his voice. Eric's eyes widen, and he runs out of the office at a super human speed.

"You!" I say, pointing at Felix "Are a little demon child. Who I love, and will be buying many pretty things," I say with a giggle.

"Aren't you glad I didn't want to go to the zoo?" He smirks. I get up and pull him into a hug.

"So very, very glad. I might have to keep you around," I reply, before looking at Tanya, who's laughing so hard she's turned bright red. "And you, you are sneaky," I say, jabbing her in the ribs.

"Oh please. I did you a favor But now, everyone in the office is going to know you have a kid," She smirks.

"Awesome. I'll be the talk of the secretarial pool in," I glance at my watch "Four minutes? Five tops!" I say, before sitting down at my desk. Tanya goes back into her office, and someone arrives from the childrens fiction department to give Felix a copy of some teen-spy novel that has him jumping up and down like Alice on crack.

"You're my favourite aunt," He sighs as he sits down.

"Can I get that in writing? Rose is under the impression that she is," I reply.

"Nu-uh. So totally you," He replies distractedly as he starts to read.

At lunch time, Edward and Jasper show up, and Edward takes Tanya out for lunch. Oh, those crazy kids. Jasper has brought lunch for Felix and I, so we all sit and eat some pretty fucking delicious burgers.

"Anyway, we came home early, one of the monkey's threw shit at Heidi, and she started screaming bloody murder," Jasper laughs.

"Damn. Did you get it on camera?" Felix asks.

"I did indeed. I'll show you when we go home," He laughs.

Irina, one of the secretaries, walks in to hand me a new manuscript that had been left on her desk.

"So, after lunch, are you coming home with me or staying here?" Jasper asks. Irina is staring at Felix, her eyes flickering to me every now and then.

"Nah. I want to stay here with Mom," Felix replies with a smirk at me. I roll my eyes at the little shit, but Jasper just looks confused. Irina finally looks at Jasper, and her eyes widen. Weird. She looks at Felix again, before staring at Jasper, and then running out. I frown, before looking at the two of them. Nothing wrong with either, same as ever. Shit. The same.

"Fuck!" I shriek.

"What?" Jasper asks, alarmed

"You!" I glare at Felix "Are so freaking dead. She's just run of to tell everyone that she's figured out who you 'father' is, you little brat," Felix looks confused, before looking at Jasper, and realization dawns. The little punk laughs so hard he starts to choke on his burger.

"What the hell is going on?" Jasper asks.

"Some creeper that keeps asking Bella out came in earlier, and asked her out again. He asked who I was, so I pretended to be Bella's kid. He ran a mile. And now, they think you're my dad," Felix laughs. Jasper starts to choke. "You okay, _dad_?" Felix says with a perfectly straight face.

"I can't decide if I'm more shocked or proud at your conniving nature," He says, before bumping fists with Felix.

"Yuck it up morons. You realize that this will be all over the internet now, right?" I tell him.

"No it won't. It's why I have my clever pseudonym," He smirks.

"Jay Whitlock. That's the lamest pseudonym I've ever heard," Felix replies.

"Oh, I have a surprise for you when we get home," Jasper adds with a smirk.

"What?" I ask, suddenly suspicious.

"You really don't get what a surprise is, do you?" Felix asks.

* * *

><p>Jasper comes back to the office at five so we can head home. On our way to the garage, I notice Eric staring at the three of us.<p>

"Hey, it's the creeper," Felix says, a bit too fucking loudly I might add. Jasper glances over, before smirking and winding his arm round my waist.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I ask.

"Walking with my wife and son, obviously," He laugh, Felix joining him soon after. I elbow him in the ribs.

"You two, are freaking annoying," Is my only response.

We get home, and there's a covered car parked where the Beast was this morning, and Rose is bent over the engine, doing something to it.

"What's going on?" I ask as I climb out of Jasper's car.

"The Beast is dead," She replies.

"What?" I ask. Fuck. I've made pretty decent money since starting at Denali Publishing, but there's no fucking way I can afford a new car. Shit.

"So your getting your birthday present a little early," She replies, before putting the hood down and smirking at me.

"What?" I ask, confused. She waves a hand at the car and my eyes go wide. "What!"

"This is the 1958 Chevy Bel Air Impala hard top. Emmett and I have been rebuilding it since last year, and we were going to give you it for your birthday. Turns out, you needed it a bit sooner," She laughs. I dart forward and fling myself at her.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," I laugh, before running my hand over it. It's a light blue and it's fucking gorgeous. Rose hands me the keys.

"As an added present, I had Emmett tow the Beast to the crap yard. Our friend Eli is waiting for us to go down there, where you get to push the button that will crush that piece of crap into a little tiny cube. Then, I thought we could tie it up in a bow and leave it on Jacob's drive," She smirks.

"Sounds like a plan. You boys coming?" I ask Jasper and Felix, the latter of the pair staring at my _new fucking car_ in awe.

"Hell yeah," They shout.

Rose get's up front with me, leaving the boys in the back. I turn the key in the engine and it starts with a smooth purr.

"Oh, your good," I smirk at Rose.

"I know," She replies with a laugh, before we pull out of the drive and head to the scrap yard.


	18. 17: The Secret's In The Telling

**Jasper**

I've had the day from hell. This morning, my boss, Caius, called to tell me that he required me to teach a summer course on the Civil War. Don't get me wrong, I could teach that course in my sleep, but I was looking forward to having the summer to get my syllabus for next semester sorted, as well as hopefully finishing my book. So, when I arrived at Denali Publishing to meet with Tanya about extending my deadlines for the next few months. I was expecting her to rip me a new one, but she's so loved up from being with Eddie-boy, that I don't think she has it in her to yell at me. I must remember to buy that boy a drink. Of course Bella stepped in, telling me that I would have to deal with her if I fell behind. And that she'd supervise my writing if I did. She's done it before.

I need to call Rose when I get home, just to check that she hasn't already killed Emmett. We're two weeks away from the wedding, and combining my sister with Alice's wedding planet has turned their house into a goddamn war zone.

But now I'm feeling a little more relaxed, and ready to get home and spend my evening watching TV. I walk out of the foyer of the building, and it's pissing it down. I rummage through my bag, looking for an umbrella. I'm so distracted that I don't notice anything around me, and end up running straight into a young girl. She stumbles back, and trips over her feet, toppling backwards. This is such a Bella move, that I don't even think before I dart forward and grab her, making sure she doesn't land on her ass. Her wet hair flies out of her face and I gasp out loud at the girl in front of me.

Impossible.

"Thanks," She says in a whisper, before her attention turns back to the building. Her face is a mask of fear and determination mixed together. I can't stop staring at her. And then I see her eyes. Chocolate brown. I've looked into those eyes for years.

"Who are you?" I blurt out, shock stopping my mental filter. She turns to look at me, her fear and determination replaced by sheer annoyance.

"Why the fuck would I tell you my name?" She growls at me. I can't look away from her face. She's like a freaking carbon copy of teenage…

"Bella," I whisper. The girl's eyes go wide, and the fear is back.

"You know Bella?" She asks, her voice croaking. I nod my head dumbly. Her eyes flick back to the building.

"Is she in there?" She asks, nodding towards the offices.

"Yeah," She begins to nod her bead like a bobble head, before tears well up in her eyes and she spins on her heel, running down the street.

"Wait!" I yell, before tearing after her. Thank fuck that I'm faster, and that this young girl would put Bella to shame with the way she trips over her feet. I grab hold of her wrist.

"Let go!" She yells.

"Hell no. Come on. Your freezing and soaking wet," I say, before pulling her in the direction of the little coffee shop that's on the corner. Her eyes widen, and I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm about to pull her into an alley and kill her. She relaxes a little when I pull her into the warm café.

"Do you drink coffee?" I ask. She nods her head, and I push her towards a comfy looking sofa near the fireplace in the corner. I order two coffee's and go to sit down. She has her hands clasped together, staring at them. The poor girl us dripping all over the place. Her hair is dark, with blue and red streaks running through it. I search through my bag, and find the shirt and sweater I wore for my meeting with Caius this morning.

"Take of your hoodie," I tell her. Her eyes jump to mine, wide and afraid. This is beginning to really piss me off. "Look kid, I ain't gonna kill you or kidnap you. I just don't want you to catch hypothermia, alright?" I say, handing the clothes to her. This at least earns me a brief chuckle.

"Thanks," She says, sliding off the dripping wet hoodie and putting the shirt and sweater on over her clothes. She closes her eyes, and relaxes into the seat. The barista brings over our coffee's, and she practically downs her coffee.

"Kid, your gonna burn your taste buds off," I laugh. She grins at me, and I see Emmett So she's not just a little Bella clone. Good to know.

"So, are you who are you, and how do you know Bella?" I ask.

"My name's Renesmee," Apparently that's all I'm getting.

"I'm Jasper," I say. Her eyes go wide, and she grabs the backpack that she's slung on the floor before digging through it. She flicks through a pile of photo's before finding the one she's looking for.

"This is you, isn't it?" She asks, before thrusting the photo at me. I look at it, and realize it's a photo of me, Emmett, Bella and Rose when we were about 9. Rose is on Emmett's back, laughing like a hyena. Bella is on mine, blushing and giggling. It was taken during the summer, when we'd piggyback raced across the park. Emmett and Rose had won. I flip it over.

__Bella, Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie – August 1992__

"Where did you get this?" I ask. I've never seen this photo before. I remember Renee taking it, telling us we looked adorable.

"I found it in my attic. I was looking though some boxes looking for my hockey things. And I found these. At first I thought it was me, but, I didn't recognize anyone else. And then I saw the date…" She trails off, tears streaming down her face. I'm too confused to actually formulate words at this point. "So I asked my mom. And she told me. That she had two other children. And that my dad had left her when he found out she was pregnant, taking them with him," My eyes widen as realization sinks it.

"Your mom is Renee?" I ask. She nods her head.

"I had to find them. I found an article saying that Isabella Swan worked at Denali Publishing. So I left Phoenix and came here."

"Does your mom know where you are?" I ask. She snorts.

"I doubt she's even realized I'm not there," She whispers angrily. "I've been gone over a week, and I hitch-hiked here. I don't even have a missed call yet."

"How old are you?" I ask.

"Fifteen," She replies. I suck in a breath. This fifteen year old girl has hitch-hiked 1, 500 miles. By herself. Fucking hell.

"What on earth were you thinking?" I growl at her. Her eyes widen "Hitch-hiking all this way? You could have been killed. Anything could have happened to you!"

"It didn't. I can take care of myself," She snaps.

"Sure you can. You weigh what, 90 lbs. I doubt you could fight off a kitten," I snap back. Her eyes narrow at me, and I hold up a hand. "Fuck. I have to call Charlie…" I realize He's going to be so fucking devastated. And is it wrong if I hope he hunts Renee down and shoots her? Maybe not in any vital places, but like, the leg. Or an arm.

"Who's Charlie?" She asks. Fuck extremities. He should go for the fucking kill shot.

"He's your dad," I tell her.

"He left," She snaps.

"No he didn't," I reply.

"Yes he did!" She shrieks, standing up. I grab her by the shoulders and push her back down into the seat.

"Believe me. I was there. Renee left. She left in the middle of the night, when Charlie was at work. She left a note, and never contacted them. Charlie looked for her for two years. None of her family would tell him where she was. He was heartbroken," I whisper. Tears are streaming down her face by this point, and the barista and several of the customers are looking at me like I'm the scum of the earth for making this poor girl cry.

"Come on. These people think I'm breaking up with you," I say, and Renesmee hiccups a laugh. Progress.

"Where are we going?" She asks.

"To my house. Bella lives with me. I figured you could take a shower and you could probably use a nap before the shit hit's the fan," I say.

"Okay," She says, nodding.

"At the very least, this is going to be interesting," I say as I lead her out. I open the umbrella and she walks along side me.

"This is your car?" She asks.

"Yup,"

"Could you be any more of a southern stereotype?" She asks.

"I could be wearing a ten gallon hat," I reply.

"Touché."

We both climb in the car, and it's fucking tense. She's curled up against the door as far as possible. After a few minutes of this, I speak up.

"You can relax you know."

"It's just occurred to me that I'm in a car with a stranger, who's taking me to his house" She replies.

"But yet you still hitch-hiked with truckers for a week to get here," I remind her.

"Yeah. That probably wasn't my best idea," She replies.

"So why hasn't Renee called? She ain't exactly my favourite person, but I can't understand how she hasn't realized your gone," I say, looking at her. She smirks before laughing. But it isn't a real laugh. It's a bitter, dead laugh that sends chills down my spine.

"She's usually too drunk to realize what the fuck's going on. Or too wrapped up in whatever douchebag boyfriend is in her life at the time," She says, crossing her arms over herself, staring straight ahead out of the windscreen. Apparently, this topic of conversation is over.

We pull up to the house and get out.

"Dude. Nice house," She says.

"Thanks," I say, unlocking the door and letting her in. She stands awkwardly in the hall for a few seconds.

"Gimme a second," I say, before pulling out my cell.

"Jazzy!" Alice's voice yells out.

"Hey Tink. I need a favour," I say down the phone.

"No problem."

"Can I raid your wardrobe? Um… my friend needs some clothes and you look about the same size."

"Fuck no Jazzy-pants. I love you, but I'm not lending my clothes to one of your skanky 'friends'," She huffs down the phone. I roll my eyes at Renesmee, who can clearly hear everything Alice is saying, and she giggles.

"One, I'm not Cullen, my friends ain't skanky, and two, she sure as fuck ain't that type of friend. It's complicated, but we'll fill you in later. And three, call me Jazzy-pants again and me and Jane are gonna have an awful long conversation about every embarrassing moment and fashion disaster you've ever gone through. Hell, I might even dig out that video from freshman year of college. You remember that video Alice."

"You wouldn't," She growls.

"Try me Tinkerbell. Try me."

"Fine. But I expect you, or, well, Bella, to wash whatever you let this girl wear."

"Deal."

"See you later Jazz."

"Later Ali."

I hang up and turn back to Renesmee, who has her hand over her mouth stifling her giggles.

"Y'alright?" She nods her head, still giggling.

"Who was that?" She asks.

"Alice. You'll meet her. Whatever she says, don't let her anywhere near you with any beauty products. You'll endure hours of torture," She giggles, until I raise an eyebrow, and her eye's widen.

I lead her upstairs, and show her Alice's room.

"Just pick some clothes out of here, anything you want. Although I'd leave the Manolo's alone if you want to keep your life. The bathroom's down the hall, I'll put a clean towel in there. Take a nap in here, and I'll wake you before Bella's due home."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" She asks in a whisper as she stares at the clothes in Alice's wardrobe.

"Because your Bella and Emmett's sister," I reply. "And your kind of a cool kid," I smirk.

"Thanks Jasper," She replies. I walk out and grab a towel from the linen closet.

"Hey, Renesmee?" I yell down the hall

"Yeah," She says, coming out of the hall. She has a pair of Alice's yoga pants in her hand.

"Just use the shower stuff in there. Bella's got all sorts of girly crap. And, why do you only have pants?" Her face goes bright red. Oh yeah. Definitely a Swan girl.

"Erm, well, Alice only really has super tiny revealing things. I was just going to keep the shirt on" She replies.

"I'll grab you on of Bella's top's," I reply, before walking into Bella's room. I grab a U-Dub hoodie from Bella's dresser, and a baggy t-shirt. I grab a couple of things to show Renesmee later, and fold up the clothes, leaving them folded outside. I hear the shower start, so I walk into my room. I change into a black t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants before walking downstairs. I walk over to the bookshelf in the corner of the living room, and find what I'm looking for. I place them on the coffee table, before switching on the TV.

Fifteen minutes later Renesmee walks into the living room. Her hair is tied back, and the raccoon-eyed make up she was wearing before is washed off. Now that she's clean, I can see the subtle differences between her and Bella. She smiles at me, and her cheeks dimple, a characteristic that Charlie and Emmett share. It makes her look a lot younger than fifteen.

"That shower is awesome," She says, sitting down on the sofa next to me. She curls up, wrapping her arms round her legs.

"I know. I have some things I thought you'd like to see," I hand her the photo I took from Bella's room, as well as the photo album I got from the bookcase.

She stares at the first photo for a minute. It's the six of us at senior prom. We all look fucking crazy. It was during our collective punk phase. God. We all look moronic. I'm in a tux that Alice created herself. It was pretty fucking cool at the time. A pin-stripe suit jacket, with a huge skull sewn on the back. My hair was streaked with blue, and I'm pulling the 'rock on' hand gesture, with my other arm draped over Bella. She was in a dress that had me with a raging hard-on for the entire night. Prom was a painful night for me. It was a black halter dress, with purple stars decorating it. The stars matched the purple streaks that ran through the side of her face and fringe. Alice had dyed her hair fire engine red, while Rosalie had undercut her hair with bright pink. My favourite thing about this photo was Edward's suit. He'd ripped the sleeves off, before safety pinning them back. He'd gelled up his hair in a faux-hawk, and was even wearing eye-liner. Emmett had played it safe, simply gelling his hair into spikes. He looks a bit like a porcupine. I can safely say that he doesn't know Bella still has this photo, let alone the fact that it's on display in her room.

"Oh my god," Renesmee says, snickering.

"Yeah. At least you can be thankful your not related to the dude in guy liner," I smirk.

"Oh yeah, because Sonic the Hedgehog is a much more respectable family member," She mutters.

"Oh, your gonna fit right in with that quick wit," I laugh.

"She looks just like me," she whispers, staring intently at Bella's laughing face. "Well at least I get why you looked so shocked when we first met," She giggles.

"Shocked doesn't begin to cover it," I laugh.

"Will you tell me about them?" She asks, looking nervous.

"Sure. Bella works as a junior editor. She loves to read. She blushes at… well pretty much everything. A trait I see you share," I laugh at Renesmee as she turns red "She's my best friend in the world," Renesmee raises an eyebrow "Emmett is like a giant 7 year old. He has the crudest sense of humour He's also built like a brick shit house. He's engaged to my twin sister, Rose, who's the blonde. They are getting married in two weeks, because Rose is pregnant, which means your gonna be an aunt," Renesmee's eye's go wide.

"This is…weird," She replies. "I've never really had any family except for Renee. And now I have a brother and a sister and I'm going to be an aunt and oh god I think I'm gonna hurl," She replies, before hyperventilating a bit.

"Calm down kid," I say, rubbing my hand over her back. Her breathing slows.

"What about the other two?" She asks, looking at Edward and Alice.

"Well, the tiny chick is Alice. She's like the Tasmanian devil. She's a shopping fiend, but you'll find that out soon enough. She owns a store in town that restores dresses. Edward is our resident pretty boy. He composes music for movies. He's a bit of a moody bastard sometimes, but has had a perma-grin for the past few weeks. We introduced him to my editor, and Bella's boss, Tanya. They are in their sickeningly cute phase. And there's also Jane, who's dating Alice. She's also my TA."

"That was impressive," She laughs. "So what do you do?" She asks.

"I teach history at the University, and I've written a few books," Her eyes go the size of saucers.

"You're an author?" She gasps.

"Yeah. I wrote some action/adventure books set during the Civil War," I grin. Her mouth drops open and she points at me.

"Holy shit!" She screeches "Your Jay Whitlock!" I blink in surprise.

"Umm. Yeah", I reply.

"Dude. I have all your books. Holy fuck," She drops back against the back of the sofa. "This day has been… surreal," She says.

"To say the very least," I reply. "You hungry?" She nods. "Well, I can't cook, so we're ordering in. What do you want?"

"Umm. Do they do good Mexican food?" She asks.

"Not really. But Bella makes excellent Mexican food. We'll get her to cook tomorrow. For tonight, how about Indian?"She nods her head.

"So I'll be here tomorrow?" She asks as I reach for the phone. I freeze.

"Do you want to go back to Renee?" I ask her.

"Fuck no."

"Then your staying here," I reply, before grabbing the phone. I order a few appetizer's, and two curry's.

We chat for a few minutes, and I ask her about her weird ass name.

"I think Renee was a little high. My full name is Renesmee Maria Swan. She said that she had only really had two friends, and they were called Esme and Maria. She wanted to pay 'homage' to them or something," She mutters.

"Esme is Edward's mom. She was friends with Renee in high school. They kind of drifted apart once they both got married, despite the fact that Forks is the smallest fucking town in the country," I explain.

"Do you know who Maria is?"

"Yeah. She's my mom," I reply with a smile.

"Wow."

"Yeah. Although I don't think Mom would count Renee as much of a friend these days. They were really close when we were kids, but when Renee left, she cut ties with everyone. I think that really hurt her. And I think that seeing how much it affected Charlie, and Bella and Emmett, just made her really angry. If I were Renee, I wouldn't come anywhere near Washington. There are two very protective, very bitter mothers out for her blood."

"What's Charlie like?" She asks, her voice quivering. I've known this girl for only a few hours, but she's Bella's sister, which makes her family, which means that right now, I want to punch Renee in the face.

"Here," I hand her the photo album. The first photo is of me, Emmett and Charlie fishing. My mom took it. Charlie is sitting with a beer in one hand, and his fishing pole in the other, looking over the water off the pier on first beach. We must have been about 11, and at that age, the both of us idolized Charlie, mainly because he was a cop, which we thought was so fucking cool at the time. We're both mirroring his pose, but with can's of Coke instead of beer. My mom had thought it was the cutest thing in the world. Renesmee gently traces the lines of Charlie's face.

"You have his eyes. And his dimples," I smirk. She laughs, wiping a stray tear away. I'm amazed this tiny girl hasn't shrivelled up in dehydration with the amount she's cried in the past few hours. "He's pretty stoic, and spends pretty much all his free time fishing. He's the Chief of Police in Forks. He's pretty fucking awesome. He taught us how to fish, and how to play football and poker. He's a really great man," I say resolutely.

"I can't believe she lied to me. It's so hard to… work out. I've spent my whole life thinking he was this bastard who didn't want me, and now…" She trails off, fresh tears pouring down her face.

"That's bullshit. He didn't know about you. Believe me when I say this, that man would have scoured the fucking earth for you and Renee if he'd known about you. The only reason he stopped looking for Renee was because my mom and dad pretty much forced him. He's happy though. He has a girlfriend named Sue. She's from the Quileute reservation. They've been together for years. They kept it quiet, because sue has two kids of her own. Leah is 22, and she's a bit of a bitch, but pretty cool. And Seth is 16. He's a cool kid. They thought they were being all sneaky about it, but we've known for about 6 years that they were together. Hell, even Emmett realized, and your brother ain't exactly the quickest person," I say.

We talk for a little while longer, when I hear the front door open.

"The delivery guy just walks in?" She asks.

"No. That would be…" I trail off.

"Asshole!" Edward shouts through the house. I sigh.

"In here Edward," I reply. Renesmee's stares at me.

"Should I make a break for it?" She whispers.

"Too late," I reply as Edward swings into the living room, a shit eating grin on his face.

"Hey Bells," He says to Bella as he drops down between us, before turning to face him. I stare at him incredulously, but Renesmee just giggles quietly.

"Edward-"

"Oh no you don't. I'm still pissed at you for waiting this long to introduce me to Tanya. But you can redeem yourself,"He says. I raise an eyebrow at him.

"Oh really. And how am I going to do that?" I ask.

"Your going to use your fancy writer connections to get me a private room at Rover's," He smirks. I raise an eyebrow.

"Dude. You write music for movies. Use some of your fucking fancy movie connections," I reply.

"All my movie connections are in LA, and we composers are greatly under-appreciated," He quips.

"Fine. I'll call and see what I can do," Which means, I'll get Alice to call. I may be a semi-successful author, but no one says no to Alice Brandon.

"Your gonna get Alice to do it, aren't you," He replies.

"Yup. But I'll distract her so she doesn't try and dress you for your date," I smirk. Renesmee starts to laugh at that, so Edward turns round.

"You can't exactly laugh Bella. You're her favourite Barbie do-" He freezes when he gets a good look at her, realizing that it isn't Bella. "Your not Bella," I snort at that.

"Nope," She smirks.

"Who are you?" He asks.

"Renesmee,"

"You look like Bella,"

"So I've been told," I'm trying to hold myself back from full on laughing at Edward's confused face.

"Jazz. Why does this teenage girl look like Bella. And why the fuck is she in your home?" He asks.

"Edward, this is Renesmee Maria Swan. She's Bella and Emmett's sister," I reply. His mouth drops open.

"Your gonna catch flies if you don't shut your trap, Eddie-kins," Renesmee deadpans. That snaps his jaw shut. And he tosses a glare my way when I start to snicker.

"Dude, I can't believe you didn't realize she wasn't Bella. You've know her for ten years, and you went out with her," I laugh.

"I do believe the first word out of your mouth was 'Bella'"," Renesmee quips, adopting a lame southern accent for her impression of me. Edward snorts.

I glance at the clock. Bella will be home in four hours.

"Okay. I need to call Charlie. It's going to take him a few hours to get here. Edward, call Alice and Rose, see if you can get them over here. We're going to have to stop Charlie from getting his revolver and going after Renee when he finds out," I say. Edward salutes me, before pulling out his cell and walking off.

Renesmee is wringing her hands nervously.

"I'm about to fuck up their lives," She whispers.

"No your not. They need to know, and believe me, they would want to know. I know this is all overwhelming, but it's going to work out," I say, giving her a hug. The poor kid clings to me.

"Thank you," She whispers.

"Don't worry about it. Your family now kiddo," I say, rubbing her back.

**Bella**

I pull up to the house. I fucking love this car. It's so nice to not be deafened every time I start the engine. I notice a cop car pulling up behind me. I'm just about to reach for my license when the I realize it's a Forks P.D. cruiser. Dad.

I climb out of the car. Edward's Volvo is here, Rose's BMW, Alice's Porsche and Emmett's truck.

"Hey Bells. What's going on? I got a call from Jasper telling me there was an emergency. I had to get Hank to cover my shift," He says as he pulls me into a hug.

"No idea. Didn't you even have time to change?" I say, taking in his appearance. He's still got his service pistol on and everything.

"No, I was on my way to the station when Jasper called. If this is some stupid shit, I swear, I'm going to shoot that boy,"He says, before leading me to the front door. The kitchen door is closed, which is weird. We never close the door.

"Bella?" Jasper calls from the living room. I walk in and everyone is there. Emmett looks confused, and Jasper, Alice, Rose and Edward look tense. I feel a ball of dread building in my stomach.

"What's going on?" Charlie asks as he follows me inside.

"Shit. He's got his gun!" Edward whispers to Jasper, who's eyes drop to my dad's holster.

"Fuck. Charlie, you better take that off," Jasper replies. And not jokingly. Fucking dead serious. This is not making me feel better.

"Jasper, what the fuck is going on?" I ask. Edward pinches the bridge of his nose, whilst Jazz looks pained. Alice is jittering like a bug and Rose is looking at Emmett like she's about to break his heart.

"Sit down," Jasper says softly. He turns to Edward and nods his head. Edward leaves the room, and I hear him go into the kitchen. Low murmurs come from down the hall.

"Fuck. I don't know how to say this…" Jasper trails off.

"Spit it out kid. Your making me nervous," Charlie says. His gun is on the coffee table, and Jasper nods his head at Alice, who dances forward and snatches it up, before putting it on the bookcase.

"I have some really life altering news. And part of it's going to make you really fucking angry, Chief," Jasper whispers. My dad looks at him with what I like to call his 'spill it now or I'll beat it out of you' glare.

"I know why Renee left," He whispers. Charlie gasps in a breath, while I feel like all the oxygen in my body just flew out my nose. Emmett looks like he isn't breathing at all. Rose quickly moves to him, wrapping her arms around him. I want someone to hold me like that. I feel Alice's tiny arms wrap round my shoulder, and realize that she's sitting on the arm of the sofa.

"What?" Charlie rasps.

"She was pregnant," Jasper says. Charlie's eyes widen.

"What?" Charlie replies, a trace of anger lacing his voice.

"She was about five months pregnant. She had a daughter. Renesmee Maria Swan. She's fifteen," Jasper replies.

"I have another child?" Charlie asks. Jasper nods his head.

"How do you know this Jazz?" I whisper.

"Because I met her today. I ran into her, literally, as I was leaving your office. She found a photo that Renee had hidden in the attic. She looked for you and Emmett She found an article in the business section about the fund-raiser you and Tanya are organizing at Denali. She came to find you," He says, looking straight at me. She came to find me. My sister. I have a sister.

"Where is she?" Charlie asks, standing up. "I want to see her!" He adds.

"Edward," Jasper says. I look over to the door, and Edward walks in, one arm wrapped around a young girl. She's pale, with shoulder length hair. There are streaks of colour running though it. She has dad's eyes. My eyes. Emmett's eyes. And those eyes look so fucking sad that it breaks my heart. Before I really know what I'm doing, I'm across the room. She looks so fucking scared, but I don't care. I wrap my arms around her. She stiffens for a second, before hugging me back, painfully tight. Sobs wrack her body, and I realize I'm crying too. I pull back for a second and look at her.

"Hi," I whisper

"Hi," she replies, the ghost of a smile playing on her lips. Charlie is standing a little bit away, and Emmett is staring at this poor girl with awe. I notice that both of them have tears in their eyes. Charlie steps forward, his hand wiping away her tears, before wrapping her in a hug. He presses a kiss to the top of her head. Emmett steps forward as soon as Charlie releases her, picking the poor girl up and crushing her too him, twirling her around. It causes her to laugh, and she hugs him back. He puts her on the ground, and I notice the matching dimples.

An arm snakes round my shoulders, and I lean into the touch. Jasper. He wraps his arms around me, kissing me on top of the head.

"You alright?" he whispers to me as I watch my dad and brother begin to question my sister. My sister. Yeah. That's gonna take some getting used to.

"You know what. I think I am," I reply.

**A/N: The next chapter should hopefully be up in a few minutes :D**


	19. 18: Family Portrait

**Renesmee**

"Nessie! Wake up!" Emmett's voice sings in my ear. Unfortunately for the walking brick wall, I have pretty damn fast reflexes, and manage to clip him in the side of the ear. "Ow!" He yelps, dodging back from my bed.

"That's what you get when you try and wake me up. And Nessie? Really?" That boy has been calling me that since I got here. It's getting old. And it's catching on.

"Yeah. Like the Loch Ness Monster. Renesmee is just a mouthful," Emmett replies, dropping down on my bed.

"So why are you waking me up?" I say, sitting up. This bed is glorious. Like sleeping in a goddamn cloud.

"Alice is here. She's taking you shopping," He laughs

"She's pointlessly optimistic," I reply. No how, no way, am I going shopping with her. She's lovely, don't get me wrong, but I've known her for a three days, and shopping for groceries was bad enough. Shopping for clothes seems like it could lead to my untimely death.

"I'm not optimistic. I'm shoptimistic!" Alice giggles as she bursts into my room.

"Have none of you people heard of knocking?" I groan.

"No. Now get ready. We're leaving in half an hour. We are all going out for dinner with Charlie and the Cullen's," Which means I really do need to go shopping. My worldly possessions currently consist of a pair of jeans, a hoodie, three shirts and a pretty decrepit pair of Converse. And my iPod and phone. I've spent the past week walking round in Bella's sweat pants and t-shirts I keep stealing from her dresser. Pretty sure that's inappropriate clothing for dinner. Crap.

"Fine," I huff "Now get out so I can get dressed," I tell them. Alice hands me a bag.

"Here," She grins. Evil pixie.

"What's this?" I ask, peering into the bag. A couple of pairs of jeans and some t-shirts "Did you go shopping so that we can go shopping?" I ask, confused. She nods her head vigorously before dancing towards the door. She does that. She never walks. She __dances__ everywhere.

"Get ready. Thirty minutes!" She yells, dragging Emmett with her before slamming my door closed. Well. Her door. I've commandeered her room.

The 'adults' had some sort of pow-wow and decided that I'd should stay here for the rest of the summer, with Charlie coming up on the weekends so we could get to know each other. Depending on how things go, I'll enroll at Forks High in September, moving in with Charlie. I'm cool with this idea because living alone with Charlie would be… weird to say the very least. After I got here last Tuesday he spent the night, so we could get to know each other. He's nice, but it's hard reconciling the guy who left my mom when she was pregnant to the guy who actually exists.

And living with Bella and Jasper is pretty awesome. And really amusing. Those two are just…ha. It's like living in a TV show. Or a particularly lousy fanfic. Those two are too damn cute and too damn oblivious. They're always gravitating towards each other. It's kind of weird. Like both of them are tense, but when they touch, even in the slightest of ways, their entire bodies just relax and become calm. Well, except for Bella's face. That lights up like Rudolph's nose. According to Alice this is a new development, and everyone is trying to figure out why Bella is suddenly blushing. But what none of them have really picked up on yet is that Tanya is in the know. The past three days have been an endless parade of people that want to meet 'The other Swan sister', but they all seem pretty cool. Tanya happens to be Bella's boss, and the girl that Pretty Boy is dating. And she knows something. Every time Bella blushes when Jasper is around, T get's this self-satisfied smirk on her face. She needs to tone it down. If Alice or Rose pick up on it, the interrogation she'll be on the receiving end of will put the Spanish Inquisition to shame.

After I've got dressed, I make my way downstairs. Emmett is shoveling food into his mouth, sitting on the kitchen counter. Bella, Alice and Rose are drinking coffee and Jasper is leaning up against the counter staring at Emmett with barely concealed disgust.

"Oh good. Your ready!" Alice grins.

"Do I really have to go? What's wrong with internet shopping?" I ask. Alice glares at me.

"We don't mention internet shopping around Alice," Rose smirks, putting her hands over Alice's ears.

"Nessie, you have no idea what your getting yourself into," Emmett smirks. I glare daggers at him.

"Don't worry. Rose and I are coming to try and reign her in," Bella smiles. I sigh in relief. I know for a fact that they won't be able to, but I'm pretty sure that Alice will get distracted shopping for Bella, and you can be damned sure I'm leading them past a maternity store. That'll get her distracted for a good hour or five.

**Jasper**

At five, Emmett and I get back from our very geektastic day of shopping. We'd hit up Best Buy and picked Nessie up a new laptop, as well as a printer. We also went to the gaming section, and I've spent about a $300 on games. I even bought a new Guitar Hero game, and I'm challenging Rose the minute she walks through the door. I'm ashamed to admit that I've never beaten my sister, but I have a feeling that tonight is my night.

Emmett and I set up the laptop before going downstairs to play Guitar Hero.

"You know this is cheating if you've had a chance to play the song you challenge Rosie, right?" Emmett smirks.

"It's not cheating if I'm playing a different song. I promise I'll challenge her to something else," I reply with a roll of my eyes.

"I won't tell if you don't. That girl could stand to be taken down a peg or two," He replies. At least I'm not the only one that's bitter about being beaten by her.

"Honey, we're home!" Alice sings as the front door bangs open. She bounces into the living room with a few bags in her hand, the rest of the girls following behind her holding a bag each.

"That's just not right," Emmett says, obviously as confused as me about the lack of shopping. That is, until Edward stumbles in, weighed down like a fucking pack mule, causing us to burst into laughter.

"At least help me, assholes," He growls, still clutching what looks to be at least half of the Westlake Center. Poor schmuck.

We get up and grab some bags from him, hauling them up to Nessie's room. Tinkerbell had gladly given up the room, and I'm pretty sure if I go through Alice's sketchpad I'll find a whole selection of fabric swatches and color palettes for redecorating. Alice moved most of her (impressive) clothing selection and moved it back to her house. I'd love to know if she'd actually worn most of the clothes she owns. Then again, I've never seen the girl in the same outfit twice.

"What's that?" Nessie asks as she looks at the laptop and printer we've set up on the desk.

"Well Nessie, I believe that's your new laptop," I grin.

"What?" She shrieks, before running over to it.

"How come she didn't get that excited over shopping?" Alice pouts, stomping her foot.

"Because she's a Swan," Rose replies with a smirk "They have a genetic adversity to clothes shopping."

"True story," Emmett adds, wrapping an arm around Rose.

"Okay, all of you out. I have an entire wardrobe to organize," Alice demands, pointing to the door. Nessie looks longingly at the shiny new computer.

"It's been charging since we got home, bring it downstairs with you," I laugh. She grins, before jumping up and hugging me, then Emmett, before darting over to her laptop and grabbing it.

"That was really sweet of you," Bella says with a soft smile. I grin and pull her to my side.

"Come on. I got the new Guitar Hero, and I plan to kick Rose's ass," I say, glaring at my sister.

"You wish," Rose laughs, before running out the room and down the stairs. I tear after her, the others following closely behind. By the time I make it downstairs, Rose is already strapping on a guitar.

"Ready to get your ass kicked?" She smiles. But it's not just any smile. It's her devious your-going-down-in-motherfucking-flames smile. It suddenly seems that this isn't my day after all.

"Bring it Blondie," I grin, pulling the guitar strap over my head.

Ten minutes later I flop down on the sofa with Renesmee and Bella. Edward and Emmett are laughing their asses off.

"You should have known better," Bella says, shaking her head.

"I'd have beaten any of the rest of you," I reply, crossing my arms across my chest, which causes Bella to burst into giggles.

"Yeah well, they suck. I'm the motherfucking queen of Guitar Hero!" She says, holding the stupid plastic guitar over her head like it's a heavy-weight belt.

"Oh please little girl," A deep voice says. I swivel my head and Charlie is standing at the doorway, smirking at Rose. Carlisle and Esme walk past him, sitting down in the armchair.

"Oh I'd like to see you try and beat me old man," Rose laughs. Charlie stalks forward, picking up my discarded guitar. Charlie skips through and finds The Spirit Of Radio by Rush. I have the feeling that this is going to be the best thing I've seen in my entire life.

**Renesmee**

I close the lid of my super shiny fuckawesome laptop. It's awesome. But you know what's more awesome? Seeing Charlie kick Rosalie's ass to the curb playing guitar hero. Just the look of shock on Rose's face while Charlie smirks at her. **Priceless**.

"Fuck yes! Chief, anything you want, name it, it's yours. You've just made my fucking day," Jasper laughs, while Rose glares at his head. That girl has perfected the death glare.

"I'll take a beer," Charlie grins.

"Me too," Carlisle adds. Jasper turns to Esme.

"I'll have a glass of wine," Esme smiles. Esme is kind of amazing. She took me out to lunch yesterday. The woman has the whole 'mom' vibe. I felt bad when she asked about my name. She cried a little. According to her, she was happy, but I still felt pretty awful for making her cry.

"So, how are the wedding plans coming?" Carlisle asks Rose, who's sulking in the corner. Her face transforms into a bright smile.

"Really good. Thank you guys so much for letting us have it at your house," She laughs. "Speaking of wedding plans, we have to go in for dress fittings tomorrow," Rose says, looking at Bella, Alice and I.

"What for?" I ask.

"Your bridesmaids dress. Duh," Rose says, rolling her eyes.

"Excuse me?" I ask. I was not informed about this.

"Your going to be one of my bridesmaids. And I have to pick up some temporary hair dye. There's no way on god's green earth that your gonna have neon streaks through your hair in my wedding photo's," She smirks, and as much as I would like to argue, crossing Rose seems like it would be a really bad idea.

"How hideous are these bridesmaids dresses?" I ask.

"Please. This is me your talking to. These dresses are amazing," She snickers.

"And do you really think that Alice would let her have hideous dresses. I'm kind of surprised she's let you do anything at all," Bella adds.

"I can take that little hobbit," Rose says, cracking her knuckles.

"Keep telling yourself that Barbie. Whatever helps you sleep at night," Alice says as she flits into the living room. Jasper comes back.

"As much as I hate to admit it, I'm pretty sure Rosie could take you," He smirks, ruffling her hair.

"Just because you taught her to fight doesn't mean she'd win. I'm scrappy," Alice replies, before sticking her tongue out at him.

"And I taught her well," Jasper smirks before sitting on the floor in front of Bella. She starts to run her fingers through his hair, and I swear to god, the boy starts to purr like a tabby cat. Idiots.

"Whatever. Anyway, we need to get ready. Bella, Nessie, go shower, put on the clothes that I've laid out on your bed. Shoo," She says, flitting her hands at me. Bella rolls her eyes before standing up and grabbing my hand, pulling me with her.

"Does the mini-dictator ever chill out?" I ask as we climb up the stairs.

"Not even when she sleeps."

**Jasper**

Charlie and the Cullens are already dressed for dinner, and Rose and Emmett have gone to their room to get dressed. Edward and Alice disappear to my room to get ready. Charlie catches my eye and tilts his head in the direction of the kitchen. I nod my head and follow him in. He goes in the fridge, grabbing two beers and walking into the utility room.

"This seems foreboding. Why do all our serious conversations take place with us sitting on top of a washing machine?" I ask as Charlie hand me one of the beers.

"Because we can actually have a private conversation in here without any one else hearing," he replies.

~*Flashback*~

__Rose, Edward and Alice had gone to bed. Emmett and Bella were talking to Renesmee about her life in Phoenix. Charlie pulled me into the kitchen, before grabbing two beers and pulling me by the collar into the utility room.__

"__What's on your mind Chief?" I ask as I take one of the beers from his hand.__

"__Honestly, I'm freaking the fuck out Jasper," He says before taking a long pull on the bottle.__

"__I honestly can't blame you. If my fifteen year old daughter showed up, I'm pretty sure I'd be losing my shit. Especially since I'd have been 11 when she was conceived," I add, hoping to lighten the mood a little. It works and Charlie almost chokes to death.__

"__Jesus kid. You trying to kill me?"__

"__If I say yes are you gonna arrest me?" I smirk. He smacks me upside the head.__

"__I'm so fucking angry at Renee. Not only did she take my child away, without ever telling me about her, but she lied to that little girl. Told her I didn't want her, then treated her like shit. I'm so fucking mad," He sighs, before rubbing his hand over his face.__

"__She hasn't even called her yet. Renesmee thinks that Renee hasn't even realized she's gone," I tell him. Charlie sighs.__

"__There's a reason I dragged you in here. There's no fucking way I'm letting her go back to Renee. I want her. I want her to live with me. But I have no idea how to raise a girl. Especially one who thinks I never wanted her."__

"__You've raised one daughter already Chief. And she's one hell of a girl," I smile.__

"__Yes, we all know how you feel about my daughter," He smirks. My eyes go wide "Chill the fuck out boy. I won't say anything. I've known since you were six years old how much you love my daughter. ____I also know that you're a good kid, and if I could pick anyone for Bella to be with it would be you. And it's damn nice of you to say that I raised her, but your parents, and the Cullens, had a hell of a lot to do with how well she turned out."__

"__Well, the Cullens are still near. Carlisle might not be around as much, but you know Esme will love her like a daughter. That woman collects children like Pokemon cards. And you have Sue. Good choice by the way," I smirk. He rolls his eyes at me.__

"__I want her to live with me. But you can imagine how fucking awkward it's going to be. I live a pretty quiet life. I watch sports. I fish. I work. And I have no idea how to entertain a fifteen year old," Charlie looks so fucking lost that it's beginning to freak me out. A lot.__

"__Chief, I know it's awkward. But she's a good kid. And frankly, no kid in Forks is ever entertained. But you have us. And Sue and Seth. He's a good kid. I'm pretty sure he'd take Renesmee to Port Angeles and show her stuff to do. But I actually have a suggestion for you," I say. I've been playing with the idea for a few hours.__

"__Hit me with it," He says, before taking a drink.__

"__I think Renesmee really wants to get to know Bella and Emmett. And I know that they want to get to know her too. So she can stay here," Charlie looks like he's about to protest so I hold me hand up "I have to room, and I'm not sending her to live with a hormonal Rosalie and Emmett. That's child cruelty. You work through most of the week anyway, so on weekends, come stay here. Bring Sue, or the Cullens. Get to know Renesmee, get comfortable with her. Then when school starts, you can enroll her at Forks High, and she can move in with you," Charlie considers it for a minute.__

"__Your already taking care of one of my children. I can't ask you to take in another one. Even if you are Captain Moneybags," he smirks.__

"__That's Admiral Moneybags to you," I grin. He rolls his eyes "And we both know I'm not complaining about Bella living with me. It makes me pretty fucking ecstatic to tell you the truth. I wouldn't suggest this if I wasn't comfortable with it, or if I didn't want to do it. You know me Chief. No one's going anywhere tonight, so just crash here, sleep on it, and get back to me tomorrow."__

"__I'll definitely think about it. You're a good kid Jasper. I kind of wish my daughter wasn't so oblivious," He grins, before finishing his drink.__

"__Me too Chief. Me too."__

~*End Flashback*~

"Yeah, I suppose your right. Alice has a sixth sense for people trying to have private conversations. She hates not being in the loop," I laugh.

"Don't I know it."

"So what's up?" I ask, jumping up onto the washing machine.

"I managed to get in touch with Renee. Or, my Private Detective friend managed to get in touch with her."

"Shit."

"Yeah. She's a fucking mess. Keith got some photos that he sent me. I swear to got I almost lost my shit. She's living in a run down apartment. He managed to get some photos of inside the apartment. It's a fucking shit hole. Empties all over the place. Renee has been taking random guys back to the apartment. He found her two days ago. Three different men have been there. All of them have records. I'm having my lawyer draw up documents to have her give me full custody. The shit I've pulled up on her should mean I'd be granted rights if she tries to take me to court." He sighs.

"She'd be fucking stupid to fight your for custody. So. Are you ready to be the father of a married man?" I ask with a grin.

"In my opinion, he should have married her a hell of a lot longer ago. I'm pretty excited to be a grandpa though," He smiles.

"Grandpa Chief. Has a ring to it," Charlie laughs.

"God. Can you imagine what that child's going to be like? Half Rosalie, half Emmett. God help the world."

"Jesus. I'm going to be an uncle. That's fucking weird."

"Uncle Smart-ass. Has a nice ring to it."

**Bella**

"I feel sorry for you kid. You haven't known pain until you've had a dress fitting with Alice," Jasper says to Nessie over the table. We've finished dinner, and we're drinking coffee.

"I don't know which worries me more. Alice anywhere near me with sharp pin, or the fact that you've had a dress fitting by Alice," Nessie smirks back at him. Jasper's jaw drops, and Emmett and Edward fall into a fit of laughter.

"I didn't get fitted for a dress, smart-ass, Alice designed tuxes for us for the Alumni dinner last year," he replies, throwing a chocolate at Renesmee's head.

"Calm down kids. Bella. I have some news for you," Dad says, his face turning serious.

"What's up pops?" I grin.

"Jacob's been bailed. Apparently a Lauren Mallory bailed him out. Is that the same girl from Forks? Why is she bailing Jacob out?" Dad asks. I let out a deep breath.

"Yeah. It's the same girl. She's Jacob's girlfriend," I reply. Rose snorts when I say girlfriend.

"She's his whore," Rose says.

"Rosalie. Language!" Esme scolds. Dad nods his head.

"Onto something slightly more cheerful. Have you kids booked your flights for Labor Day yet?" Carlisle asks. Every year since we graduated from high school, we've all flown out to Texas to stay with Maria and Nathaniel for Labor Day weekend.

"No, not yet. I wanted to know if Sue and the kids were going to be coming with us," Jasper asks, looking at Dad. Dad blushes bright red.

"Well at least I know where I got that from," Nessie giggles.

"Yeah, it's a Swan trait. Even Emmett does it occasionally. Ask him about the talent show in eleventh grade," I say. Right on cue, Emmett flushes red.

"Ooh! Do tell," Renesmee grins.

"Oh Little Swan, I'm gonna have to have a lot more drinks before I tell you that story," Emmett adds.

"Let's just say it involves the football team, woman's underwear and the song 'Don't Tell Mama' from Cabaret," Edward grins. Jasper starts to laugh uncontrollably.

"Oh like either of you can talk," I say to the two of them. I point to Jasper "My 17th Birthday. I don't need to elaborate," And then I turn to Edward who is glaring daggers "And you. Delta Omega Chi rush in freshman year, your 21st birthday, and don't think that Alice hasn't shown me the photos from her tea parties when you were kids," Edward gasps and turns on Alice.

"You told me you burned those!" he shrieks. Actually shrieks.

"I lied," Alice gloats. Esme is crying with laughter, and Carlisle is at least attempting to hide his laughter behind the dessert menu.

"I remember that!" Esme giggles. "Oh. You raided my closet. You had on my Chanel pumps, and the pearls that Grandma Platt had given me on my wedding day. I couldn't decide if I was going to skin your behind of die laughing," Carlisle puts an arm round Esme's waist to stop her from falling off the chair.

"You all suck," Is Edward's mature reply.

"To answer your question, yes Sue will be joining us, and Seth. Sue is trying to convince Leah to come as well, but, well, you know Leah," Charlie sighs.

"Yeah. She's a bitch," Emmett adds. Dad smacks him upside the head.

"Watch your language boy. She's not a bitch. She's just…" He trails off.

"A bitter harpy?" Rose asks.

"Well…yes," Dad snorts.

"She's better off without that douchebag anyway," Rose growls. "You saw what happened to Emily's face? No way she got that from 'walking into a door',"

"Yes well. She claims that's what happened, and I can't investigate unless someone calls it in. You know what it's like on the Rez. They police their own," Dad sighs, before taking a sip of his coffee.

After we've all finished dinner, we head to the parking lot. Everyone went home, and Dad come back to the house with us, crashing in Rose and Emmett's room. I changed the sheets first. God knows what you'd find in that room with a black-light.

**Jasper**

"I'm going to get so fat if she keeps cooking like this," Nessie groans, rubbing her stomach.

"This is weekend breakfast. During the week we have to fend for ourselves," I reply, leaning back in my chair.

"Is it cruel that the thing I miss most about you is your cooking," Charlie says, grinning at Bella.

"It would be, but I've seen you cook. You make Jasper look like a gourmet chef," She snorts.

"So, Charlie and I have our final tux fittings today, and Nessie has to have her dress finished. Are you coming with us?" I ask as I take a sip of my coffee.

"Oh, I wish I could, but I'm having lunch with Tanya, then going grocery shopping. Sorry," She grins. Uh huh. She's not sorry at all. Wiley woman.

"Well, we better roll. Come on kids," Charlie says, standing up.

"You ready for this Chief?" I grin as we climb into the car.

"Hell no. The last time I was anywhere near Alice and a sewing needle, I almost ended up in hospital for blood loss," Renesmee pales at this.

"Oh please. She told you to stop squirming," I laugh.

"She had a needle near my junk. Excuse me for being nervous."

**Bella**

After Jasper, Nessie and Dad left, I cleaned the kitchen before getting ready. At two I met up with Tanya at Luciano's.

"So. Dish. How are things going with Edward?" I ask as we sit down. Yeah. I'm not in the mood for small talk.

"It's… I don't know. He's gorgeous, and sweet. We've been out for lunch almost every day for the past week. He give me flowers every time we see each other. And not like, crappy roses. Beautiful flowers. Lily's, orchids. He kisses me on the cheek and acts like a total gentleman," I raise an eyebrow.

"Isn't that a good thing?" I ask.

"It is but… god I feel like a whore," She replies before banging her head off the desk.

"Why?" I ask.

"Because I want to jump his bones!" She shrieks. A few old biddies turn round and glare at us, and I crack the fuck up. "Don't laugh at me! I feel awful. He's like… the perfect guy. And all I can think about is getting into his pants. I feel like a sleazy dude trying to steal some poor virgins virtue!" I can't breathe. Oh god I can't breathe. Tears are streaming down my face and I'm laughing so hard it hurts. It hurts! She pelts a piece of bread at my head.

"I-I'm–Sorry hahaha. Sorry!" I reply, trying to catch my breath.

"This is why I don't have girl friends. They suck," She glares.

"I'm really sorry. I think this kind of might be my fault," I confess.

"What. Why?" She asks, and she's glaring at me now.

"Hey! Chill!" I glare.

"Sorry," She mumbles.

"Look. I really like you. And believe me when I say that a) your not stealing his virtue, and b) he wants to jump you too. Have you ever noticed that his eyes go from light green to dark sometimes?" I ask.

"Yeah. That happens a lot, actually," She replies, looking confused. I snort back a laugh.

"That's one of Edward's… indicators for when he's turned on. And this is quickly becoming one of the most uncomfortable conversations of my life, so be thankful. He's being so gentlemanly because I told him not to screw this up by sleeping with you too soon. But apparently he's taken that advice to mean act like he's from the 1920's. I'm sorry. I'll talk to him," I say with a small giggle.

"Well at least I know why he won't even kiss me properly," She grins, before taking a sip of her wine.

"He hasn't kissed you yet?" I ask, shocked.

"Nope. He only ever kisses me on the cheek."

"God. I'm sorry. He's a fucking idiot. Believe me when I say I had the best intentions with this idea. I really like you, and I didn't want him to fuck it up. I pulled an Alice. I'm sorry," I say.

"Don't be. I think it's pretty fucking awesome of you to look out for me. I really do like him," She grins.

"I know. So do you want me to talk to him?" I ask.

"Oh hell no. I'm going to torture the fucker," She smirks. My eyes widen.

"Umm. How?" I ask.

"The way women do best. Tight dresses. Revealing clothes. Leaving Victoria's Secret bags lying around," She grins. It's a look of pure evil. She's awesome.

"Talk to Rose. She's the master of that shit. Whenever Emmett pisses her off, she'll cut him off before parading round their house in teeny tiny lingerie. She's perfected the art of sexual torture," I grin.

"Oh I will. Now. Don't think for a second that all we're going to talk about is Edward," She laughs. The waiter brings over our appetizers and I glance back at her.

"I have no idea what your talking about," Is my reply.

"Please bitch. Just because no one else seems to notice that you could guide Santa's sleigh every time Jasper touches you, doesn't mean I'm oblivious," Fuck. "Spill."

"There's nothing to spill," I squeak out. Shit. That probably doesn't sound believable.

"Uh huh. I'm not Alice or Rose. I'm not his sister, and I'm not going to plot anything. You can tell me," She says, looking at me kindly.

"It's…fuck it's weird!" I say, before dropping my head into my hands.

"Weird how? Now don't get me wrong, I have no feelings for Jasper whatsoever, but dammit that boy is hot. Have you honestly never thought about what it would be like?" She asks, disbelieving.

"No. Yes. I… it's complicated!"

"Uncomplicate it then," She smirks, swirling her drink in her hand.

"When we were younger, I honestly thought that Jasper and I would end up together. It just sort of seemed… I suppose. Especially when Rose and Emmett got together. But then we got older, and Jasper never seemed that interested. And then Edward asked me out, and Jasper started to date Alice. And I was a freaking prude. I never, and I mean never, thought about sex with Jasper. But after the thing with the shower. I started having these…dreams," I say. I'm pretty sure you could fry and egg on my face.

"Dreams?" She smirks "Like… sex dreams?" She asks. I nod my head. She fucking squeals.

"You sound like a piglet when you do that," I mumble.

"Oh shut up. Now. Why do you keep blushing?" She asks. I sigh.

"Because every time he touches me, even when it's completely innocent, it's like I flashback to the stupid dreams," I growl. She snorts.

"Have you ever thought of, I don't know, telling him?" She asks like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"No!" I yell.

"Why the fuck not," She replies.

"Because he's… He's Jasper. If something went wrong. If we got together then broke up… I can't imagine my life without him," I whisper.

"But you went out with Edward. And he went out with Alice. Neither of you lost either of them," Is her reply.

"That's different. It was high school. Edward was an amazing first boyfriend, but we were just too different. And we all know why it didn't work out for Alice and Jasper."

"Okay. I need you to answer a couple of questions for me," She says, tapping her fingers on the table.

"Okay."

"How would it feel if you lost… Edward?" She asks.

"I would be devastated," I reply. I would. He's like a brother to me. Which is weird because we've had sex. Ick.

"Now think about how you'd feel if you lost Alice. Rosalie. Emmett," She adds.

"Your fucking morbid, you know that?" I say, shifting in my seat.

"Now how would you feel if you lost Jasper?" She asks, chewing on her lip. And then I'm there. The night of the crash. Jasper lying on the roof of the cab. Bleeding and unconscious.

"Shit! Fuck! Bella. It's okay. Calm down," She whispers, jumping from her seat and wrapping her arms around me.

"Sorry," I whisper. She grabs a napkin and starts dabbing my face. Oh. I'm crying.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Sorry. It's just. When we were seventeen Jasper and I were driving back from Port Angeles. There was a storm, and a tree fell in the road. I swerved, but we skidded across the road and hit the tree. Apparently when we hit the tree it flipped the car over. Jazz wasn't wearing a seat-belt, and when we woke up we were upside down. I was hanging there, but Jasper was lying on the roof of the car. God there was so much blood. I honestly thought he was dead," I grab another napkin and wipe my face.

"Shit. Well. I feel like devil spawn now," She replies with a shaky voice.

"It's okay. You didn't know. I still have nightmares about that night. I usually end up sleeping in Jasper's bed whenever it happens," I sigh.

"God you two are ridiculous. He's the most important person in your life. Can you honestly imagine ending up with someone else?" She asks. No. I suppose not. Even with Jacob, my longest relationship, I knew we would never end up together. Even before I figured out he was a creepy stalker douchebag. "What about if Jasper ends up with someone else? Because at some point, he will meet someone. He's gorgeous and kind and one of the nicest guys on the planet. And she'll make him choose. Between you and her. And he might choose her," She says, stroking my hair. The idea causes my heart to hurt.

"God. And here I thought I was coming to drink froofy cocktails and make fun of your relationship with Cullen," I groan. This is not how I imagined lunch going.

"I'm just opening your eyes to the possibilities," Tanya grins.

"You suck," I reply.

"I swallow too," She winks

"Ewww!" I shriek. TMI. Then I consider this for a second. "I might just have to let that little piece of information slip out when Cullen is around."

"Oh. Do it!" She grins, bouncing up and down in her seat. She calms down after a little while. "Sorry about the mind fuck that was this conversation."

"It's okay. But promise me something?" I ask.

"Anything."

"Don't mention any of this conversation to Alice. Or Rose. Or Edward!" I add, pointing my finger at her.

"I will if you promise to help me torture Edward."

"Oh believe me. Nothing would give me greater joy," I smirk.


	20. 19: Dressed To Kill

**Renesmee**

Alice is Satan in a highly priced couture skirt. The demented shrimp is stronger than she looks. I'm pretty sure she could kick Emmett's ass if she felt the need. And watching her manhandle Jasper and Charlie just reinforced that. I'm just proud that none of us burst into tears.

"At least she got my dress finished. I never have to go back again," I say with a satisfied smile as I climb into the car with Jasper. He starts to laugh uncontrollably.

"Please. She'll be at you with a needle every time she can. And just so your warned ahead, Esme is insisting we all attend a charity dinner in a month. She'll be fitting you for a formal dress," He smirks. I let out a frustrated groan.

"Why? What's wrong with just buying a dress?" I ask.

"Never speak like that in front of Alice. She doesn't believe in off the rack for formal events," He snorts.

"That's… ridiculous."

"I agree. But it still means that pretty soon your gonna be dragged back to the shop and poked and prodded and measured. I'm just thankful that I can wear the same tux over and over again. No one cares what we wear," He grins. Bastard. Absolute bastard.

"Does that mean I have to go though another day when I'm not allowed to eat?" I grumble.

"Yeah, Alice doesn't allow food into her store. She pays for the other workers to go out for lunch so that none of them will bring food inside. She barely allows anyone to drink," My eyes widen "I remember the party she threw when she opened the store. Almost everything was covered in protective sheeting. Including the carpet," He grins.

"She's crazy," I whisper.

"Yep. But we embrace the crazy. You've met your brother, and, you know, you," He smirks.

"I think I should resent being lumped into the crazy bin with Alice and Emmett."

"Probably."

We drive though Seattle, listening to the radio. It's comfortable, and that's… strange. I've spent most of my life being uncomfortable around most people. I was never close with Renee, and spent most of my childhood locking myself in my room whenever her boyfriends came round.

I learned to do that pretty quickly. When I was six, one of Renee's boyfriends backhanded me when I came out to see what the noise was. I flew into a wall and broke my arm. After that, whenever Renee had a guy round, I locked my bedroom door and barricaded it with a chair.

I'd never had friends, being a moody, anti-social kid. And now I have a family who are crazy and funny and kind and amazing. After fifteen years I have a father. And he's kind of cool, and pretty hilarious. And he wants to get to know me, which is a bit of a mindfuck in itself. And I have siblings, more than just two. As well as Bella and Emmett, there's the rest of them. Have you ever felt completely happy and enraged at the same time? I'm just so fucking happy here, with these people, in this place. And I'm so angry that Renee took me away, took away my chance to grow up with people who would love me and protect me. Where I would have had a normal childhood. I always thought I hated Renee. That's was nothing compared to how I feel about her now. That woman better hope I never have to see her face again.

It would not be fun for her. That's all I'm saying.

"You okay kid?" Jasper asks.

"Huh? Oh. Yeah. I'm good," I smile back.

"You looked pretty fucking angry," he smirks.

"Thinking about Renee," I reply.

"No wonder you look angry," He replies.

"Yeah well. Is it wrong that I hope she never realizes I'm gone?" I ask, wrapping my arms around my waist.

"I'm pretty sure we're all hoping she never shows up to be honest. But there's every chance that she could, especially now," He replies.

"Why now?" I ask, panicking a little.

"Charlie served her with papers to relinquish her parental rights and sign them over to him."

"Really?"

"Of course. Did you really think that Charlie was going to give her a chance to get you back? I don't fucking think so," A warm tingly feeling spreads through me. Huh. Curious.

"So it's pretty safe to say that she knows I'm with you guys," I reply.

"Yep. Another fantastic reason for you staying with us. She knows where Charlie lives, but I'm pretty sure she wouldn't think that you'd be with me. Hell, she couldn't even find Bella if she tried. My name is on the deed to the house. She might be able to find where she works though. You managed it," He smirks.

"Yeah well, Renee can barely use a computer. I on the other hand, have mad skills," I grin.

"Well, even if she does come round, there's fuck all chance that you have to go home with her. Charlie has had a private eye on her for a few days and he's already dug up a whole lot of shit on her."

"Like what?" I ask, curious. I wonder if he managed to get a hold of my medical records. It's quite a read

"Drinking, bringing guys back to the apartment, a whole load of domestic disturbance calls and a few things that Charlie wants to talk to you about," he replies, looking more than a little angry himself.

"Tell me," I reply.

"Several calls were made to social services by one of your neighbors. She called every day for a month," he replies, eyebrows raised.

"Mrs Cope. I must have been about 7. Renee figured out it was her that called. She came round on day when one of Renee's douchebag boyfriends was at the apartment and they had a screaming match. That night she packed up our crap and we left. Never saw Mrs. Cope again," I sigh.

"Well she called a lot. But since she's not a family member, she could never really get hold of any information about you. Keith went to talk to her. She mentioned that we should check out your medical records. She was very glad to hear that your okay and away from Renee," He tells me.

"Man that old biddy was crazy. She ones chased one of Renee's boyfriends away from the apartment complex with one of her husbands golf clubs. I was watching from my bedroom window. Renee was screaming at her, and Mrs Cope told her to "fuck off". It was amazing," I sigh. It really was freaking awesome. She managed to smash Chad in the arm so hard I'm pretty sure she broke it.

I miss her. She rocked.

"She sounds like a crazy broad. Like Rosalie in 40 years," He muses. That's pretty fucking accurate to be honest.

"Ahh. Home sweet home," I grin as we pull up at the house.

"Ah yes. Our humble abode," He smirks.

"Humble my ass. I'm just glad you didn't buy a McMansion."

"McMansion's were never my taste. I'm a history teacher. I like history," He grumbles.

"That's still weird for me. School would have been a lot more interesting if my history teacher had looked like you. I don't think I would have been quite so bored," I laugh.

"I can guarantee you that I will never teach high school. It's bad enough having undergrads throwing themselves at me. The idea of being giggled at by tweens obsessed with sparkly vampires makes me die inside."

"Yeah, you'd be chased by jail-bait all the time. Also, how do you know about the sparkly vampires?" I ask incredulous.

"Bella. Alice. Rosalie. Emmett," He says, counting them off on his fingers.

"Emmett?" I ask.

"If it has vampires, he will watch it. And the moody, self flagellating main dude? Totally Edward when he was about 17. I'm still petitioning to dress like him for Halloween," He grins mischievously.

"You and Emmett pin him down, I'll get the body glitter," I laugh as we climb up the porch. He holds out his clenched fist, and I bump my own against it.

"Sounds like a plan."

We open the door and I'm pretty sure I start to drool. Something smells fuckawesome.

"Oh holy mother of god. Is that what I think it is?" Jasper whispers reverently, before running forward to the kitchen like a kid with ADHD who's been cheeking the Ritalin. I follow him in and see him bouncing up and down in the balls of his feet grinning at Bella who's rolling her eyes at him.

"What's going on?" I ask Bella, because Jasper looks too hyper to actually answer me.

"I'm making lasagne," Bella replies nonchalantly.

"Cool. Smells good," I reply.

"Thanks," She grins. "It's almost done, so take a seat," She points with a knife to the counter. Jasper is staring at us flabbergasted.

"Lasagne? No, it's not just Lasagne. It's the best damn lasagne in the whole damn world!" He says, sounding exactly like a teenage girl defending the music of the Jonas Brothers. Or Miley Cyrus's capabilities as an actress. Bella and I are both looking at him like he's crazy, but she looks a little satisfied as well.

"What's up with him?" I stage whisper to Bella.

"He forgot to take his medication maybe?"

"Fuck you both. Ness, you'll get what I mean when you try this shit. She refuses to make it more than once a month, unless it's for Charlie. And if there are leftovers, they are mine. Emmett can go fuck himself," He grumbles before dropping down on the seat, pouting like a four year old. It's an awfully odd expression on a 26 year old man.

"Your such a toddler," Bella giggles as she pulls the tray of lasagne out of the oven. And it smells d-i-v-i-n-e. Jasper's pout goes away and is replaced by a freakin adorkable grin. I hop down from the stool, and help Bella serve the food. I grab some glasses from the cupboard and grab drinks for us while Bella serves the lasagne onto plates. She bumps her hip into me laughing as I try to get past her and it sets me of laughing.

We sit down and begin to eat. Bella tells us about Tanya's plans to get Edward to jump her, and we tell her about our harrowing experience with the needle wielding pixie of doom.

It's nice. I'm happy. I'm content.

It's weird. But pretty awesome.


	21. 20: I'm On A Boat

**Jasper**

"If you two don't shut the fuck up, I will dump you out of this damned car." I growl to the two bickering imbeciles that are seconds away from making me run my car off the damned road. On purpose. To avoid them.

They stop whatever they're yapping about and turn to glare at me. Oh. So now __I___'___m__ the bad guy. Awesome.

"What crawled up your ass and died?" Nessie asks. I roll my eyes. Bella smirks.

"He has a thing about ferry boats," She snorts. I glare. Ness will use that shit. She's like Emmett that way.

"It's not the fucking ferry," I growl.

"No, it's sea sickness," Bella giggles. Traitor.

"Aww. Does the water make Jazzykins sick," Nessie mocks in a baby voice, pinching my cheeks.

"Do that again, and you're sleeping in the back yard from now on, Loch Ness," I growl.

"You wouldn't. You love me," She smirks, sitting back and folding her arms. Smart-ass

We pull up onto the ferry and I put the park the car before climbing out.

"I have a present for you," Bella grins as she walks round the car towards me. I'm intrigued.

"And what would that be?" I ask. She hands me a packet. Dramamine.

"Always taking care of me," I laugh, before taking two and swallowing them.

"We're supposed to meet the others in the galley," Nessie adds as she shuts the car door.

"Oh, the joy," I mutter. We head towards the galley and walk past a familiar car.

"Man. The dude who owns that obviously has a tiny dick," Nessie smirks as we walk past it. Bella starts to choke on her bottle of water and I have to lean against the wall, struggling to breathe through my laughter. Bella turns to Nessie with a shit-eating smirk.

"That is an Aston Martin V12 Vanquish RS," Bella says, "It's imported," She adds, smirking at her sister.

"Dude, you can barely pump your own gas. How do you know that?" Nessie asks confused.

"Because we've been told all about this car. We know the horsepower, the internal speed limit, the fact that it can do 0-60 in 4.1 seconds. Edward told us every tiny detail about this car. Many, many times," I add.

"This…this is Edward's car?" Nessie gasps, "Then why the fuck does he drive the granny-mobile?"

"I thought you just implied that he had a tiny dick?" Bella asks.

"Yeah, but I have a brain. Most women would throw themselves at the owner of this car. Naked," She adds, distracted a little by the shiny, shiny car in front of her.

"It cost a quarter of a million dollars," I whisper in her ear before snickering as she turns round to gape at me.

"And he brought it on the FERRY!" She shrieks.

"He's a musical prodigy. Common sense? Not his forte," I shake my head.

"Oh, he's trying to impress Tanya," Bella smirks.

"No, he's trying to get Tanya to drop her panties for him," Nessie smirks.

"If that's what he wanted, all he had to do was ask. Bit too late now though," Bella smirks deviously.

"And what does that mean?" I ask.

"It means that Rosalie, Alice and myself have put together a plan that will give poor Eddie blue balls," She smirks.

"Is this a conversation we should be having in front of the sixteen year old?" I ask.

"It's a bit late to start censoring what we say to her now," Bella smirks.

We finally make our way to the galley, and the rest of them are there. Emmett is grinning like a fool, his arms wrapped around my darling sister, who is looking so happy and radiant that it almost brings a tear to my eye. Almost.

"Wow. They look so damn happy," Bella whispers next to me.

"They're getting married. They should be," Nessie replies.

"What's up bitches!" Emmett yells over the room. A few old ladies shoot him death glares.

"Asshole," I greet cheerfully. He is marrying my baby sister after all.

"We were just discussing who the Whitlock's were gonna go after first. The prodigal Swan, or the man who knocked up their baby girl out of wedlock," Alice grins.

"No offence Loch Ness, but I'm kinda hoping it's you," Emmett grins, ruffling Nessie's hair.

"Oh I doubt you'll be able to get near her. I guarantee that Pete and Char will drag her off into a corner the minute she steps out of the car," Rosalie smirks, "So you're just going to have to explain to Daddy why I'm pregnant," Oh that will not go down well.

"And let's just hope Dad didn't bring his gun. Or borrows Charlie's," I add. Just to make him sweat it out a little.

"Dad would never hand his side-arm over to Nate," Emmett says, shaking his head.

"I don't know. They've been friends for a long time…" Alice sings.

"No…He…No…You guys suck!" Emmett yells, before stomping away.

"I should go make sure he isn't trying to throw himself off the ferry." Rosalie says with a sigh.

"So… Jasper's afraid of the water. And GO!" Nessie giggles. I turn around to glare at her, but the others have already started to laugh.

Why do I put up with this shit?

"You remember his 21st birthday?" Alice asks, gasping for breath.

"Oh man. That was so much fun!" Edward howls.

"Douchebag," I mutter under my breath.

"So, we had all gone out for drinks. The girls were all wasted, and me and Emmett put them in a taxi, and then we were supposed to follow them, carrying Jasper because he's already thrown up on himself and no one would let him in a cab. And then Emmett has a… burst of genius," He smirks at me, and I flip him the bird.

"What happened?" Tanya asks.

"Do we have to finish this story?" I ask.

"Yes. Yes we do," Bella says, bumping my arm with hers. I wrap my arms around her and tickle her side.

"Don't make me tell them all your dirty little secrets Bella," I growl in her ear, and she laughs uncontrollably.

"Noooo…No!…Jazz….Birthday!" She gasps "17th Birthday!" She glares through laughter. I immediately let her go. I really have to find those things and destroy them. She will hold that shit over my head for eternity.

"That's not fair," I reply.

"Edward. Continue," Jane asks, shooting me a devious glare.

"We drove to the marina where Dad keeps his boat at Shilshoe Bay. We got on, left Jasper on the deck passed out and then went and sailed it into the middle of the sound. Then Em and I went and crashed in the cabin," Edward finishes with a smirk.

"You left the out the part where he was naked," Alice smirks. Tanya, Ness and Jane are in fits, while those who've already heard the story snicker quietly.

"We woke up the next morning to a girly scream, and then the sound of __somebody,__" He shoots me a pointed glance,"Started to hurl overboard," He finishes with a grin.

"Dude. That's lame," Nessie snickers.

"From the girl who thought I was trying to abduct her when we met," I mutter.

"Well, you did kidnap me and tell me to take off my clothes," She grins, and everyone looks at me like I'm a fucking deviant.

"I took you to a coffee shop and made you take off your soaked hoodie so you wouldn't catch hypothermia before giving you my sweater. I meant it about making you sleep in the yard by the way., I tell her. She smirks, before shrugging her shoulders and going to look out at the water.

"How long till we reach land?" Tanya asks.

"About fifteen minutes," Edward replies, looking at her adoringly. Ahh. Young love.

"So what sort of things are there to do in Forks?" Jane asks.

"Erm."

"Um."

"Well."

"Uh," Are the very informative answers Edward, Alice, Bella and I give them.

Jane looks to Tanya, before the two glance at us.

"Did you four just have simultaneous strokes?" Jane asks

"No… it's just that…there's not really anything to do in Forks," I say, rubbing the back of my neck. Nessie saunters back over, and Emmett and Rose reappear looking…ruffled. And Rosie is definitely sporting some bed head. Don't wanna know.

"What do you mean there's nothing to do?" Nessie asks.

"There's a school, a police station, a hospital, Newton's Outfitters, Thrifty Mart, a liquor store, a candle shop, and the Lodge and the diner," I count off on my finger.

"Oh, and the sawmill," Bella adds. Tanya, Jane and Nessie look disbelieving.

"And this is where you people expect me to spend the next two years of my life?" Nessie asks, looking pissed.

"There's a few shops and stuff on La Push, and a beach there," Alice adds.

"What about coffee shops? Restaurants? Bars?" Tanya asks.

"There's the Lodge. It's a restaurant and you can hire it out for events. That's where the prom was."

"And if you want good coffee, you have to go Port Angeles. The stuff from the diner tastes like engine oil., Emmett replies.

"You're making this place sound totes awesome," Nessie replies, crossing her arms over her chest.

"What do teenagers do there?" Tanya asks.

"School. Homework. Get wasted behind Newton's. Get drunk in their parents basement. Go to the beach," I reply.

"There's usually a mass exodus to Port Angeles or Seattle at the weekend," Bella replies.

"You guys do realize that I will be coming to Seattle every weekend till I graduate, right?" Nessie asks with a smirk.

"Well. It looks like we'll all be changing our address real soon," Emmett laughs.

"Asshat," Nessie smirks.

The captain announces that we should all return to our cars, so we head down to the cars. When we walk past Edward's car, Bella begins to laugh uncontrollably.

"What?" Edward asks, staring from Bella to his car.

"Nothing," I say, grabbing Bella and pulling her towards my car, Nessie laughing uproariously behind us.

"Tiny….haha…tiny dick," Bella snorts before clamping her hand over her mouth. I glance back at Edward and Tanya to make sure neither of them heard her, but they both look confused.

"You trying to hinder Eddie boy's chances of getting laid?" I ask Bella as she collapses into the car.

"Pretty sure 'Eddie boy' is doing that all by himself," Bella snickers.

"How?" Nessie asks.

"Well, he's refused to get past second base. He's trying to be a gentleman," She snickers.

"Wait. I have a question," I tell Bella.

"Shoot,"

"Edward showed up at the house when you were at work the other day having a panic attack. Apparently, he found a bag of….." I cast a glance at Nessie, "Um 'toys' from a certain adult store in her car. He's losing his fucking mind," I reply.

"That may have been a bag of stuff we bought and planted in her car where we knew Edward would find it," Bella blushes.

"What sort of toys?" Nessie asks with a raised eyebrow.

"The sort of toys I do not feel comfortable telling you about," Bella replies with a hard stare. Nessie huffs before crossing her arms over her chest and flopping back into the seat.

After the longest car ride known to man, we pull up at the Cullen's house. Well. Understatement. It's a fucking mansion.

"Dude. Whoa," Nessie gasps as we climb out of the car.

"Yeah. We know," I reply. The Cullen house is… well. I'll put it this way. Alice, Edward, and Carlisle and Esme have their own rooms. And there's still enough room for Jane, Tanya, my parents, Peter, Charlotte and the kids to stay there.

Yeah. You get the picture.

Esme and Carlisle run down the driveway before sweeping each of us into hugs.

"Charlie called. He'll be here in an hour. He's bringing Sue and Seth with him." Esme tells us as she leads us into the house. Alice, Jane, Edward and Tanya take their stuff upstairs and Emmett and Rose go to hunt up some food. Rose is eating for two and Emmett is… Emmett.

"Esme, your house is… amazing," Nessie tells Esme.

"Well thank you sweetheart. I've spent a lot of time doing this. Alice helped a lot," She whispers. Living in my home when Alice was redecorating was bad enough. Living with Esme and Alice while those two were doing a project. Edward actually moved out and lived on my bedroom floor for a couple of weeks in our senior year. Carlisle spent most of his time with Charlie. It was…crazed, to say the very least.

"Oh Jasper. I'm so excited. I haven't seen your parents since Thanksgiving!" Esme shrieks before pulling me into a hug.

"Me neither," I reply.

"They are renting a car from the airport. They should be here any minute," Esme replies, clapping her hands together before running to the door to check outside.

Carlisle gives Nessie a tour of the house, and Bella and I head towards the living room, dropping down on the couch.

"You looking forward to all the wedding shenanigans?" I ask.

"Oh yeah. Because planning parties is so my area of expertise," Bella snickers.

"Please, what is there to plan? We're having a joint bachelor/bachelorette party, and your hosting a sleepover. Pizza, girly movies and wine. And at least you don't have to go fishing," I remind her.

"You got your speech done?" She asks.

"Nah. I'm just going to throw in a bunch of really embarrassing things about them. Maybe a couple of cute stories," I reply.

"Same," Bella smirks. As the siblings of the bride and groom, we have officially been cast in the best man and maid of honour roles. Now, if only I can convince her to participate in a certain tradition…

"They're here!" Esme yells. I jump up, grabbing Bella and pulling her with me, and there's a stampede from upstairs as everyone runs out to the front yard.

Some Chrysler Minivan monstrosity is parked at the end of the drive, and my father is climbing out of the driver's side and my mother from the passenger's side. Peter, Char and the kids pile out from the back.

The Whitlock's have arrived. God save us all.


	22. 21: Family Reunion

**Bella**

The second I see Maria and Nate step out of the minivan a huge grin spreads across my face. Maria walks forward, sweeping Jasper and Rose into hugs, before hugging Emmett and whispering something to him which makes his face pale. Nate claps Jasper on the back before hugging Rose. He winks at me before walking over to Emmett who's practically shaking in his boots. His face looks murderous.

"Hey Nate," Emmett replies weakly. Nate regards him for a second before bursting into laughter and clapping Emmett on the back.

"Sorry son. Couldn't resist. You shoulda seen your face," Nate snickers. Alice and Edward come forward to hug them both. Maria comes over and wraps me in a bear hug.

"My boy been lookin after you?" She asks me.

"He sure is," I laugh.

"Good. I've heard you've had an interesting couple of months. Where is she?" Maria asks, her eyes dancing with excitement.

"Carlisle was giving her the tour," I reply.

"Carlisle has finished with the tour actually," I hear him from behind me, pulling a rather nervous looking Nessie behind him.

There's a simultaneous 'Holy Crap' from Nate, Maria, Peter and Charlotte. The kids are trailing behind them.

"She looks just like you," Maria whispers, before moving determinedly towards Nessie, who holds her ground despite looking like she wants to run a mile. She takes hold of Nessie by the shoulders before leaning back a little, looking her over, before pulling her into a bone crunching hug. "It's so good to finally meet you!" She grins. Nate laughs, before hugging her as well.

"Seen as my parents are rude as all hell, Nessie, this is Maria and Nathaniel Whitlock. The cocky lookin moron over there is Peter and that's his wife Char. The children of the damned are Felix, Heidi and Chelsea," Jasper says, pointing to each of them. Felix sends of a lazy salute, and Heidi and Chelsea raise their hands at the same time and wave

"Hi," They sing simultaneously. I swear they practice that shit.

"Whoa. Redrum much?" Nessie smirks before looking at the twins.

"Oh, I like her," Peter grins, before walking over to her.

"Well…thanks. I think," She replies.

"Oh, believe me. We're going to be the very best of friends," He snickers.

"Why don't we all go inside," Esme announces, linking her arm through Maria's. Once we're inside, Jane and Tanya are introduced to Maria and Nate. The kids run off to unpack their stuff, and Peter and Char follow carrying Maria and Nate's bags. Carlisle kidnaps Nate, Jasper, Edward and Emmett to go discuss their upcoming fishing trip, and Esme and Maria start chatting weddings with Rosalie and Alice.

Tanya grabs my arm and drags me out to the back yard, which is as beautiful as the rest of the house, and Nessie and Jane follow.

"Sweet Jesus. If I have to hear Alice talk about wedding crap anymore, I just might throw myself from the nearest tall structure," Jane moans, sinking into one of the Adirondack chairs. Tanya, Nessie and I take the others.

"Man alive. Did you just see that… I thought Carlisle was a DILF," Tanya snickers, leaning her head back against the chair "I think I might just have to dump Edward and run away with Jasper's dad," She giggles.

"I know, right?" I snicker. "When we were younger, Nathaniel Whitlock was the talk of the town. When he walked down the street with Carlisle? There was mass hysteria and women fainting. It was like the second coming of The Beatles."

"I can imagine," Tanya grins gleefully.

"So. Can any of you explain to me why my girlfriend has a notebook filled with idea's for making a man insane with lust?" Jane asks with a smirk.

"They're trying to drive Edward out of his mind," Nessie smirks.

"Why?" Jane asks.

"Because he's being a gentleman, and that's interfering with Tanya's burning need to ride him like a rodeo clown," I snicker, and Tanya screeches at me before trying to slap me. Jane and Nessie dissolve into laughter.

"Fine. Laugh it up. But I expect all of you to help," She glares at us.

"So what's your first plan?" Jane asks, intrigued.

"So far it's just been dropping really obvious hints. And there was the bag of… fun things that I left in the car," She giggles "And seen as we're sharing a room for the next week, I've bought some very expensive, revealing sleepwear," She snickers. Devil woman.

"Oh, while we've escaped from the matriarchs, I should warn you. If Esme and Maria start on the wine, and then come near you, run for your life. They'll have you locked in a room telling them everything you've never wanted to tell another soul," I warn Nessie. She nods her head. We sit and talk for a while, when Felix wanders out. I grin at him before pulling him into my lap.

"How's my favourite child doing?" I ask. He snickers. Nessie quirks an eyebrow at me.

"Your kid? Did I miss a whole season of the Bellsper Saga?" Nessie asks.

"What the hell is the Bellsper Saga?" I ask. Jane and Tanya look equally confused.

"It's the soap opera that I live with," She smirks.

"Oh! I get it. Bellsper. Bella/Jasper. That's awesome," Jane snickers, and Tanya clicks on before dissolving into laughter.

"What?" I ask. Felix turns round to me and rolls his eyes. Am I missing something?

"Oh sweet slow roasted baby Jesus," Nessie mutters "I'm asking if you and Jasper had some sort of love-child that no one told me about, because honestly, that kid is like a mini-version of him," She says, eying me.

"Mini Jazz," Tanya and Jane respond immediately.

"No, he's definitely Peter's kid. You'll see the similarities later," I respond.

"Then I'm confused," She mutters.

"Felix pretended to be my son to scare a very persistent co-worker away," I explain. Then stupid Tanya opens her mouth.

"Then Jasper pretended to be her husband," She snickers.

"Oh god. Priceless," Nessie cackles.

"What?" I ask.

"Seriously?" Nessie responds.

"Yes! Seriously! I swear to all that is holy-" I growl, but she cuts me off

"You…Oh god. You two are ridiculous. Your like an old married couple. Your more like an old couple than most couples!" She snaps "You blush every time he touches you, which by the way, is all the freaking time, your…your…your ridiculous!" She shrieks, before throwing her hands up in the air. I sit there slack jawed. Honestly. No thoughts. Tanya smirks at me knowingly and I glare at her. She better keep her damned trap shut, or I'll be telling Edward that she believes in waiting till marriage.

We'll see how much she likes that.

Felix is laughing while sitting on my lap, so I tickle him mercilessly.

"It is weird. Your like a couple but without the really fun stuff that being a couple entails," Jane laughs.

"It's…" I trail off.

"Felix! Where are you!" Tinkling voices call out in unison. Hopefully the presence of Chelsea and Heidi will kill this conversation in it's tracks, because having my little sister comment on my relationship with Jasper? Weird. S'all I'm saying.

The twins prance out of the house giggling before climbing on top of us.

"I'm being crushed!" I croak. One of them is currently sitting on my chest, cutting off my oxygen supply. Jasper and Peter stroll out, and Peter scoops the girls up in his arms.

"Come get washed up, dinner is almost ready," He says, tilting his head in the direction of the house, and Felix climbs off my lap, and Jasper pulls me up, before taking my seat and pulling me into his lap. Clue the blush that spreads across my cheeks, and Nessie, Tanya and Jane smirking at me, and Felix trying to choke back laughter. Little shit. Peter carries the girls back in, and Felix trails behind laughing his ass off.

"So what are you ladies talking about?" Jasper asks as he wraps his arms around my waist. I relax back into him and it feels. Good. Safe. Right. Like it always has, like home, but now with the reel of increasingly dirty and sordid dreams that I've been having running through the back of my mind. Tanya is trying so hard not to laugh that I'm surprised she hasn't chocked, because that bitch knows exactly what's going on. Serves me right for talking to her.

"We're just avoiding the wedding talk. There's only so much chat about wedding favors that I can take, thanks," Jane smiles. Thank you, my tiny elven savior. I would kiss her, but incurring the wrath of Alice doesn't seem like a good life-plan in all honesty.

"You dad called. He'll be here soon," Jasper tells me.

"You ready to meet Sue and Seth?" I ask Nessie, who bops her head.

"You ready to eat a meal with all these crazy people?" Jasper asks with a snicker.

"Not so much. At least you guys will be drunk," She mutters.

"You, Seth and Rosie will be sober. And the kids," I grin. She just glares back.

"Just wait. You ain't seen nothing till Dad, Carlisle and the Chief get their drink on and start singing Journey on Rock Band," Jasper grins.

"You lie!" Nessie smirks.

"He only speaks the truth," I grin back. It's a horrifying experience, but it's one of those things you really should see before you die. Carlisle Cullen, drunk off his ass with his $300 tie wrapped round his head a la Rambo, smacking the fuck out of a set of plastic drums… Priceless.

Thanksgiving '07 was memorable. Let's leave it at that.

"Charlie's here!" I hear Alice yell from inside the house, and the five of us make our way back inside.

Charlie is helping Sue out of the car when I realize that it isn't just Seth getting out of the back of the truck. Leah's here too.

"Leah's here?" Emmett asks as he bounds up towards us.

"The Wicked Witch this way comes," Jasper snickers.

The four of them make their way up the drive, and Sue hurries over to hug us.

"It's so good to see you kids. You excited?" Sue asks Rosalie, who grins and nods her head. Charlie ignores us all completely to go have his bro time with Carlisle and Nate, and Seth and Leah wander over to us.

"Dude, when did you get so tall?" I ask. The last time I saw Seth, I didn't have to look up to make eye contact.

"Well, it's been a long time Bells," He smirks, before hugging me.

"Seth, this is Renesmee," I say, introducing my smart-ass sister, who give them both a wave

"Hey," Seth grins, "She looks just like you!"

Leah starts pissing herself laughing. "Jesus. The genetics in your family __dominate__."

"Also known as Nessie. Or Loch Ness. But she might hit you if you call her that" Emmett whispers conspiratorially to Seth, who laughs.

"Okay, everyone inside!" Esme yells, and we all follow her inside.

"Quick question. How exactly are you feeding 20 people?" I ask as I follow Esme, Maria and Sue into the kitchen, Leah and Nessie following behind.

"An assortment of frozen food," Esme adds with a shudder. Wow. Esme Cullen does not cook frozen food. I don't think she's ever used her freezer for anything other than ice and ice cream in the entire time I've known her. This is a momentous day indeed.

"Well shit. I thought you didn't believe in frozen food?" Maria asks with a smirk, and Esme glares at her.

"Without access to a restaurant's kitchen, there was no way to make food for everyone. If you have any bright ideas?"

"Order in woman," Maria laughs, before hopping up onto the counter.

"Well, I brought potato salad, some leftover pasta and some other bits and pieces," Sue says, hauling a bag stocked with food onto the kitchen island. Esme grins at her.

"You're a lifesaver," She sighs, before searching through the bags, pulling out Tupperware containers. I go to help her, but Maria hooks her arm around my neck and pulls me back towards her. She dangles her arm over my shoulder and props her head on my shoulder.

"How've you been baby girl?" She asks me quietly.

"I'm… I'm good," I reply, taking a few seconds to think. Yes, my life recently has been like something out of a cheesy soap opera, but I've gained a sister, as well as two new really kick ass friends, so I'm thinking that… yeah. Life's good.

"I'm glad. Rosie told me what's been going on. I hear you've got a brand new job," She laughs.

"Oh yeah. Your son set up an interview with his editor. I don't know who's more grateful, me or Edward," I snicker.

"I heard about that as well," She laughs, before quietly observing Nessie as she helps Esme and Sue with lunch.

"That's fucking spooky," Leah's voice adds, and I realize that she's sitting on the counter next to Maria.

"It sure is. God. Rosie said she looked a lot like you, but… wow," Maria adds.

"She's even all emo like you were. Freaky," Leah sings. I roll my eyes at her.

"So how've you been?" I ask Leah.

"I'm good. Kind of bummed that you've had the honor of punching Jacob Black in the face," She adds, with a dreamy look in her face.

"It hurt like a bitch. His head is like, rock hard," I add with a smirk.

"That's why I carry a baseball bat in my car. You don't damage your hand," She smirks.

"Well damn. Why didn't I think of that?" I grin.

"It's a reference point for the future," Maria snickers, and Leah and I begin to laugh.

"What are you three snickering about?" Esme asks as she puts a tray of food into the oven.

"The best way to inflict damage to Jacob Black's head," Leah replies.

"Have you tried a crow bar?" Sue asks with a straight face, and we begin to laugh again.

"Who's Jacob Black?" Nessie asks.

"My ex. He's an asshole," I reply.

"He's fucking lucky he hasn't been back to Forks is what he is. I'm pretty sure Charlie and Carlisle have been plotting ways to kill him and make it look like an accident," Esme growls.

"They have. I don't know exactly what the plan is, but it involves Carlisle fudging the coroners report and Charlie refraining from investigating," Sue adds.

"What?" I shriek.

"Please. He's stalking you, and he hit Alice. Boy is fucking lucky to be alive," Maria growls. Nessie is standing wide eyed.

"He's stalking you?" She asks.

"He's not stalking me. He's shown up at the house a couple of times, generally being a douche, but nothing's happened since I got the restraining order," I mumble.

"Speaking of the ass… Pass me my bag," She asks Nessie, who hands over her backpack. "Peter!" She yells, before pulling a wrapped box out of her bag. It's pretty. There's a bow and everything.

"You hollered?" Peter asks as he struts into the kitchen.

"I have a present for you," She says, before shoving the box and at him. He looks at her curiously, before shrugging and unwrapping it "Think of it as a "Thanks for shooting the scumbag" present,"

"Holy shit!" Peter exclaims as he unwraps a bottle of whiskey "Thanks Leah," He grins, before grabbing a glass an pouring himself some. "Ohh. That's good," He moans.

"Well, it's my little thank you. Although I'm still jealous," She adds.

"It was so much fun!" Peter snickers.

"You…You shot him?" Nessie asks, her eyes wide.

"It was only with rock salt! It wouldn't have killed him!" He attempts to defend himself.

"Like anyone would have missed him," Leah snorts "His own father wouldn't post bail after that fucking stunt at the barbeque."

"Billy told me that Sam bailed him out," Sue adds.

"Do you know when the court date is?" Esme asks.

"The hearing about whether to make my restraining order permanent is next week, and Alice's is the week after," I reply.

"Why does Alice have a court date?" Nessie asks.

"The last time he was at the house, Alice tried to stop him from getting into the house. He picked her up, then threw her against the porch railing," I reply with a growl.

"Charlie and he started shouting at each other, then he shoved Charlie," Sue adds.

"Then I shot him," Peter adds with a huge-ass grin.

"Well. Good. He sounds like an asshole," Nessie replies, before returning to her task of cutting up lettuce.

**Jasper**

After we finished dinner, Peter and Char took the kids to bed. Emmett challenged Seth to a game of GTA. Mom, Esme and Sue had kidnapped Nessie and Bella had chased after them to make sure they didn't get too emotional and crazy-like. My mother had already burst into tears this evening when she found out the Nessie's middle name was Maria, so she'll need the backup. Leah and Rose followed them because they thought the situation was hilarious.

Alice and Edward have taken Tanya and Jane on the 'tour' of Forks, which will mainly consist of showing them the high school and Main Street. They will probably be back in twenty minutes.

Dad grabs a six pack from the fridge before nodding his head to the backyard. Charlie and Carlisle head out, and Dad grabs me by the back of the collar, hauling me with them.

"So Rosie's told me that your writing another book," He says, hauling me towards the chairs where Carlisle and Charlie are already shoving each other and acting like fucking infants.

"Yeah. Bella's the one editing the manuscript," I snicker. Yes, I'm fully aware of how ridiculous my writing process is, and Bella is the only one who's ever really been able to sort everything out into any sort of coherency.

"Poor girl," He snickers.

"Thanks a lot old man," I reply, punching him in the shoulder.

"I might be old, but I can still kick your ass son," He replies, grabbing my in a headlock.

Fucking teenager.

**Bella**

The kids are asleep and the first generation are well and truly hammered. Carlisle and Esme are getting handsy and acting like horny teenagers on the loveseat, and Nate and Maria are in a similar situation. Charlie is singing Rush songs, and dragging Sue round the room in what I think is supposed to be dancing. Alice is asleep with her head on Jane's lap, who's running her hands through Alice's hair with a content smile on her face. Tanya is whispering things in Edward's ear, and his face is bright pink, and his __situation__ is causing Rose and Em to whisper and giggle to each other. Nessie is talking to Seth and Leah, and the three are debating the pro's and con's of 80's hair metal.

"Our family is fucking insane," Jasper whispers to me. We're stretched out on the floor, as the old people claimed all the seating earlier on in the evening.

"I'm pretty sure that doesn't quite cover it," I snicker.

"Edward looks like he's about to jizz his pants."

"Poor Eddie. He has no idea the hell he's in for this week," I giggle. Tanya has decided that no matter what he does, she isn't sleeping with him till after the wedding. The woman is fucking evil, and I think she's enjoying tormenting him more than she really should. The bachelor/bachelorette party is going to be so much fun.

"I almost feel bad, but then I remember that he's an ass, and it makes it so much easier to watch this train wreck."

"You think we need to throw some cold water on your parents? I think your Mom's about to do something that will scar you and Rose for life," I snicker, watching as Maria's hand trails towards Nate's belt buckle.

"Wha-MOM! Dad! Stop!" Jasper yells, appalled at his parent's behavior This causes everyone to turn their heads to Nate and Maria, and drags Edward from his daze. He begins to laugh, until he see's his own parents. Esme is straddling Carlisle with her tongue down his throat.

"Oh my god! Okay. That's it. I believe that's my cue to go to bed," He grimaces, and Tanya stands up. Alice's head shoots up, and she looks dazed.

"Wuh?" She grumbles.

"Come on. Let's get you to bed," Jane smiles, helping Alice up from the floor.

"Yeah. Erm. We're going to bed too," Carlisle grins goofily as Esme hauls him out of the room by his tie. Ick. Nate eyes the door speculatively before hauling a squealing Maria over his shoulder and running towards the stairs.

"Oh that's just disgusting," Jasper says, rubbing his eyes.

"I think that our evening is over," Emmett snickers.

"Let's take the party back to mine!" Charlie yells.

"Hell no," Seth replies, jumping up. "Leah will drive us home. Jasper, make sure he doesn't drive. We'll see you guys tomorrow!" Seth yells, helping Sue towards the front door, and Leah snickers, before following them.

"I think that's our hint to get the fuck out," Jasper laughs before jumping up helping me and Nessie to our feet. Emmett helps Rose, before grabbing Charlie's arm and helping him to the door. We follow them outside, and Emmett helps Charlie into the back off the his Hummer. He can come pick up the cruiser when he's sober. Nessie climbs into the back of Jasper's car, and we climb in the front seat.

Ten minutes later we're at the house. I can't believe how much I've missed this house. Every time I'm back it's like someone starts a video of my childhood in my head. I can see the place on the front porch where I once tripped and broke my arm, the place where I first kissed Edward, the place where Rose, Alice and I camped out one night, before it started to rain and we ran back to sleep in my bed. The spot on the front lawn where Dad used to set up the paddling pool for Emmett and I when we were kids, and the tree that Jasper climbed every night for a month when my mom left and just held me while I cried. The last scene makes my heart swell.

Emmett and Jasper carry Charlie upstairs, and I grab some blankets from the linen closet and Rose and I make up the bed in the spare room for Jasper.

Nessie wanders round the living room. There are photos of all of us throughout our childhood, as well as a couple of Renee. She gasps when she see's that there are four photos of her on the mantel. One I stole and copied. It's a photo of her from when she was little. There's one of her, me and Emmett, all of us, and one of me, her and Jasper.

"When…when did he put these up?" She asks.

"I sent them to him about a week ago," I grin. She grins back.

"So where am I sleeping?" She asks.

"You get to crash with me in my room. Well. Your room. Or your room when you move in," I laugh. Rose says goodnight before going into Emmett's room, and Nessie and I go to mine.

"Dude, I can totally hear Charlie snoring," Nessie giggles.

"Just wait till Emmett kicks in. Through high school I slept with headphones on. I think Rose made him have corrective surgery a couple of years ago though," I ponder. I don't think corrective surgery could have fixed that freight train.

I grab my pajamas, and Nessie grabs hers, and we change for bed. We trail down the hall to the bathroom. Six people and one bathroom. This will be fun. Jasper's brushing his teeth when we get there, so we shove him out of the way and begin to brush our teeth. Jasper hip-bumps me out of the way and rinses, before tugging on the t-shirt I have on.

"How many t-shirts have you stole? I just thought Alice tossed them out when I wasn't looking," he adds.

"I have…a few," I reply. That's a downright lie. I have at least ten of them.

"Kleptomaniac," he replies, before walking out. Nessie starts to giggle, before calling me a moron. I glare at her before following her back to my room. It hasn't changed since high school. I'm pretty sure that my notes from school are all here. It'll make classes for Nessie easier if she finds them.

I climb into bed, passing out quickly after the long day.

* * *

><p><em><em>Warm hands trail down my thighs, before grabbing them and wrapping them around his waist.<em>_

"__Do you know how long I've wanted this?" He asks, his voice rough with desire as he peppers kisses along my collar bone. An embarrassingly loud moan escapes me, and he chuckles, before pulling back to look into my eyes. He grins at me, before lowering his head to my ear, his hands still trailing up and down my things. "I'm going to make you scream my name" He growls, and I gasp his name.__

That's when I wake up with a thump. I glance up to see Nessie sitting on the bed, glaring at me.

"Did you just push me off the fucking bed?" I ask.

"Yes. Either go cuddle of to Jasper and moan his name in __his__ ear, or take a cold shower," She grumbles, before dropping back on the bed and turning over. My face goes bright red, and I scramble up from the floor and out of the room before grabbing a pillow and blanket from the linen closet and making my way down the hall. For a split second I entertain the idea of going into the spare room, but I quickly squash the instinct and flee to the couch.


	23. 22: Psychobitches Outta Hell

**Jasper**

"That's it. You two can both fucking hitch-hike back to Seattle. Or ride bitch in the Pussy Mobile with Edward, Tanya and their sexual tension," I growl, and I'm met by twin scowls.

"Jesus Jasper. We were just messing around," Nessie whines.

"I do not care. If you two bicker, I'm playing country music every time we're in the car till we get back home."

It's a fifteen minute drive from First Beach to Charlie's house, and I'm at my breaking point. Never driving with these two again. Ever. And the fact that they've trailed half the fucking beach into my car? Does not make me happy.

We spent the weekend giving Nessie the tour of Forks. Well, we spent the first hour of Saturday giving Nessie the tour of Forks. Then she'd seen it all. We sent her off with Seth so he could show her what teenagers did for entertainment, without any of us knowing. Plausible deniability. It's a beautiful thing.

On Sunday we spent the day at the Cullen's, because it's the only place where everyone can meet up without it feeling claustrophobic.

We'd seen my parents every day, catching up. After we'd finished high school, Mom and Dad moved back to Texas to help Peter and Char out with Felix, as Uncle Benjamin and Aunt Abigail passed away when Peter was 19. They came here for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and we all traveled to Texas for Labor Day. But it's not quite the same as seeing them face to face, so it was good to spend time with them.

Today we'd been to First Beach. This was apparently Rose and Emmett's rehearsal dinner. They put on some Motley Crue and danced across the beach before committing some serious PDA in front of the parentals, so here's hoping that's not how the actual ceremony goes. I think it would give Mom and Esme simultaneous meltdowns.

Despite watching my sister and future brother-in-law dry hump in the place they'll be getting married on Saturday, it was a good time. We hung by the beach all day, and attempted to control Felix and the demon twins. Put Felix next to a pool? He's the picture of cool, calm and collected? Put him near an open body of water, and he turns into a toddler with ADHD. After a couple of hours, we put Nessie and Seth in charge of them. They managed to control them a hell of a lot better than any of us, including they're parents, could, and therefore were in charge of babysitting tomorrow night while we go to Port Angeles to get drunk off our faces.

Since this is both a wedding and a 'family bonding' experience, Rosalie and Emmett demanded that they have a joint party, and who were we to deny them? And while we were out, the parents would be going for dinner at The Lodge, so we were all busy tomorrow night.

"Dude, I'm so full," Nessie groans from the backseat, resting her head on the window.

"You shouldn't have eaten 8 hotdogs then," Bella replies with a smirk.

"I know, but they were so good," She moans. She's right. Once the sun set, we started a bonfire, making hotdogs and smores. It was a good, drama free night and I was looking forward to just going back to Charlie's and crashing. Lazing on the beach all day really takes it out of you.

I should have known never to refer to any family gathering of ours as drama free. You'd think I'd have learned by now.

* * *

><p>We get back to Charlie's to find the light on in the living room.<p>

"How did the Chief beat us home?" I ask.

"He didn't. The cruiser isn't here," Bella replies with a frown.

We make our way to the front door, and I gently push Bella and Nessie behind me.

"Call Emmett," I reply. I know it isn't them either. My mind is running though the possibilities. Everyone we know we just left at the beach. The only person who could have beat us home would be Edward or Alice, and neither of their cars are here.

"Does anyone else have a really bad feeling about this?" Nessie whispers.

"Yeah."

"Uh-huh."

I grab the handle of the door, and it's unlocked. I push it open slowly, making my way into the house. I can hear someone wandering around the living room. I slowly make my way through open door. A brunette woman is standing there, her back to me, gazing at one of the photo's on Charlie's mantle. It's the photo I took a couple of weeks ago, of Bella, Nessie and Emmett in my living room. Emmett is grinning like an imbecile, clutching his arms round the girls necks. They're both laughing, despite the fact that I'm pretty sure Emmett is cutting off they're oxygen supply.

The woman must have heard us enter the room, and spins round. And it's like the past bitch-slaps me in the face. Bella's gasp and Nessie's growl register in my mind way before the realization of just who is standing in front of me works it's way there.

"Well. Jasper Whitlock. Didn't you grow up good?" She drawls. It's been almost sixteen years but I still recognize her voice. Her hair is no longer the same shiny color as Bella's, instead ratted and dull, and her face has more lines than a map. But it's still her.

Renee Swan.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Bella growls, pulling Nessie protectively behind her.

"Now, is that any way to talk to your mother, Isabella?" Renee replies with a mocking smile.

"Like you can really claim to be anyone's __mother,__" Nessie growls.

"I believe Bella asked you a question Renee. What are you doing here?" I ask, barely containing the growl

"You used to be a lot more polite when you were a kid," The woman growls back.

"Yes well. I respected you then. Now? Not so much," I reply. I turn to face Bella.

"You need to call my Mom and Esme. Get them over here," I whisper, and she smirks, no doubt looking forward to smack down that's about to occur. In all honesty, so am I.

Emmett and Rose left only a few minutes after us, and Charlie is due back any minute, so that's reinforcements taken care of.

"Why are you here Renee?" Nessie asks.

"I came to take you home," Renee replies, moving towards Nessie. I jump between them, and tilt my head towards the hallway, causing Bella to nod before she darts out.

"Oh no your not. Charlie's served you with papers. He's taking your ass to court," I reply, shielding Nessie from her.

"Like hell he is. The courts always side with the mother," She snarls.

"Not when the mother's an addict with no other income than her criminal boyfriends going up against her upstanding Police Chief husband," I add. She glowers at me. She opens her mouth to retort when the front door bangs open.

"The It couple are home bitches!" Emmett's voice booms from the hallway, as he drags a laughing Rose in with him. My baby sister looks radiant, her hair windblown and flying round her face. She's just beginning to get her baby-bump, which riled Alice up like nothing else. She'd created a figure hugging haute-couture dress for Rose, and had to completely redesign it once Rose began to show. He see's us, grinning and dragging Rose with him.

"Emmett wait!" Bella yells from the hallway, but as always he ignores her.

"Why the angry face bro?" He grins, before he spies the woman standing behind us.

"Get out," My sister's voice is harsh and unforgiving. I want to hug the shit out of her. You do not mess with Rosalie Savannah Whitlock's family. You especially do not fuck with me, Bella, Emmett and now Nessie. Renee hurt Bella, Emmett and Nessie, which hurt the both of us. Renee is not prepared for the shit Rose will bring down on her, even if she is pregnant.

"Do not tell me what to do little girl," Renee growls back, and I don't know who's more likely to hit her. Bella, me, Emmett or Rose herself.

Turns out, none of us got the chance. A caramel blur speeds past, and all I register is a loud __thwack__ before my mind finally comprehends that Esme Cullen just stormed in and bitch slapped Renee. Mouths are gaping all over the place. While Renee was causing emotional turmoil for her children, it appears the cavalry were on the way.

Charlie's small living room is now filled with people, and I have to admit to feeling more than a little smug when I see the shocked and vaguely terrified look on Renee's face. Carlisle is smirking at his wife, making no move to restrain her or remove her from Renee's personal space. Charlie looks like he's seen a ghost, and I am so very fucking thankful for Sue in this moment, because the tiny Quileute woman has her arm wrapped around Charlie's waist, supporting his weight and whispering what I'm sure are words of reassurance to him.

Seth is standing awkwardly next to his mother, and I feel sorry for the kid being dragged into this shit. Edward is standing at the door, his arm wrapped around Alice's shoulder, and I'm assuming he's holding her back because Tink looks like she can't decide if she wants to cut a bitch, or reassure Bella and Emmett.

I catch Edward's eye, jerking his chin in our direction, and he pulls Alice along with him as he moves to stand at my other side, effectively cutting off Renee's view of her daughters. Emmett has yet to say a word, and I'd be worried, but Rose is here and as long as she is, he's okay.

Peter strolls in with Char under his arm, and the two of them are glaring at Renee like no fucker's business as they make their way towards us. Peter grasps Emmett's shoulder, shocking him out of his stupor and causing him to take a ragged breath.

I can't imagine what Emmett's feeling right now. The only one who really knows is Rose, because she was there with him when he let his guard down in the time after Renee left. And Emmett was a fucking Momma's boy. He adored that woman. I really fucking hope Rose hits her. OR that Char's hiding Peter's shotgun behind her back.

All of this has happened in the space of 10 seconds, and Esme Cullen is fucking __snarling__ at Renee. It's a fucking sight to behold. Kind, motherly, sweet and patient Esme Cullen is snarling at this woman who she's just bitch slapped.

And then my mother arrives.

Now. Most men would never admit to just how fucking much their mothers terrify them. I am not one of those men. Maria Whitlock is the one woman who can strike fucking fear into my soul. Apart from Rosalie. And now, maybe Esme. I almost feel sorry for Renee. Operative word; __almost__.

She marches forward, and Dad shadows her, no doubt to stop her before she get's arrested. Don't roll your eyes. I know my mother.

She gently places her hand on Esme's shoulder, pulling her back. Renee's face washes with relief. Mom and Renee we're best friends back in the day…

Once Esme is safely out of the way, Mom pulls back her arm and lets it fly forward, her fist connecting straight with Renee's nose.

What can I say? The woman has 4 brothers. She knows how to throw a punch.

Renee's hand flies to her nose, her eyes wide in shock. Yeah, they may have been best friends back in the day, but Renee fucked that up when she hurt Bella, Emmett and Charlie, as well as the hurt Mom felt when her apparent best friend disappeared like a thief in the night. Knowing why does not appease Maria Whitlock in the fucking slightest.

"Wh-" Mom's glare, which far supposes Char and Rose's combined, stop's Renee in her tracks.

"What are you doing here?" My mother snarls. Renee's eyes flash, before darting round the room. Her back straightens and her eyes go cold.

"I came for my daughter," Renee replies in a clipped tone. I half expect my mother or Esme to deck her again, but a deep growl from behind us causes my head to snap back. The sound is coming from Charlie. He moves forward so that he is next to Mom, towering over Renee. I notice Carlisle and Dad twitch, obviously waiting in case the Chief tries to throttle her. If he does, I will help him dispose of the body happily.

"You think you can come into __my __home and attempt to take my child again, Renee?" He growls. Renee opens her mouth, but the Chief is on a roll. "You take my child, not even telling me she exists, and run for the fucking hills. You broke Bella and Emmett. You better watch what you fucking say to Rosalie and Jasper, because they are probably the only reason __my__ children survived that first month after you left."

I feel Bella start to tremble behind me, and I turn around, wrapping my arms around her and holding her to my side. I can't discern the emotions flitting across her face, but she buries her face in my chest, which quickly becomes damp with her silent tears. Charlie's yelling at Renee, voicing every frustration he with what she did to her children, and to him.

Nessie looks terrified and green and close to tears herself, and I grab her hand, pulling her between me and Edward. We both wrap our arms around her, and Alice slides in front of her like some demented Chihuahua guard dog from Hell.

Emmett moves to Bella's side, placing one of his huge paws on her shoulder, slowing her cries. He has his arm wrapped securely wrapped around Rose, who's clutching Charlotte's hand. I know why. Rose is desperately trying to not haul off and punch Renee, and Char is helping her. Peter's arm is draped casually across Char's shoulder. I envy his ability to be so fucking relaxed in such a fucking intense atmosphere.

I look to Charlie, and his rant is winding down.

"And don't think I don't know about __everything__ that happened in Phoenix. So don't you dare come into __my__ home uninvited and tell me you are taking __my__ daughter away from me. Because you are not. I will fight you. And you will lose. And every single person in this room will be right there with me fighting for her. So just accept it and go back to Phoenix," He finishes, taking a defensive stance. I notice Sue move out of the corner of my eye.

"You can't make me leave town Charlie," She replies with a wicked smirk.

"No. But I can arrest you for breaking and entering. Trespassing. Verbally assaulting an officer of the law. Harassment. Pretty much anything I can think of," He replies with a smirk of his own, holding out his hands. Sue moves forward, depositing Charlie's cuffs in his hand. And no. I'm not going to ask why she knows where he keeps them. My mind doesn't want to go there. Ever.

I'm too busy trying to block out the question to register anything Renee says, until the word 'Whore' is mentioned. Bella jumps from my arms, smacking Renee soundly across the face. Sue looks shocked and Charlie looks murderous and what__ the fuck did I miss?__

"Don't you __dare__ say those things about Sue. You do __not__ get to speak to her that way. Just because you felt the need to pack up and leave does not give you the right…" She trails off, and her eyes fill with tears "When you left, it hurt like hell. But it didn't devastate us. Emmett and I got over it. We figured out pretty quickly that you were just a selfish bitch__,__" She snarls.

I watch her, and her eyes fill with a fiery rage. The tiny part of her where she's bottled up every thing she's ever wanted to scream in Renee's face has just exploded. "We didn't need you. We had a mother," She turns to Mom, grabbing her hand in hers, before catching Esme's hand in her other. "Maria took me to the pharmacy when I freaked out the first time I got my period. Esme told me what to expect on a first date. When Lauren Mallory's mother spouted awful things about me in the supermarket, Maria slapped her and defended me. The first time I had my heart broken, Esme held me when I cried. They scolded Emmett when he swore. They taught him to bring Rosalie flowers when he fucked up and couldn't find the right words to apologize They taught him to dance so that he could sweep the girl he loves of her feet. So we didn't need you. We had them to fill that void in our hearts. But Dad," Her breath catches with a sob, and I want to wrap my arms around her and never let anything hurt her again, but she has my Mom with her, and she has Esme, and she needs to say this. "You__broke__ him. He laughed and smiled and was still Dad, but it was like some part of him died. And then one day he came home and the light was back in his eyes and he was really himself again. It was when he first started to see Sue. She brought him back to life. So don't you __dare__ say anything bad about her, you bitch," She snarls, and Charlie is smiling softly at his daughter, looking touched. Sue is tearing up, and my mother and Esme look so fucking proud they could burst.

Renee is staring, flabbergasted. I see a flash of regret in her eyes, and it gives me hope that somewhere inside this shell of a human being is the woman I remember from my childhood, who baked cookies and sang along to the Beatles and loved her children.

Charlie takes advantage of Renee's shocked silence to slide the cuff's over her wrists, before leading her out of the house.

We are left standing in the living room, no one exactly sure what to do, until Nessie let's out a shuddering gasp. Emmett envelopes her in his arms, before Bella runs over and throws herself and the embracing pair. They form an awkward three way hug, and Edward helps me round up everyone else and lead them out onto the front yard. It's the only other place we all fit.

Rose looks torn, not wanting to leave Emmett when he's so upset, and it's not like I want to leave Bella either, but those three need each other right now, not us. I wrap my arm around her, squeezing her to me and she let's out a shuddering laugh, looking at me with understanding.

"Well. I think I'm going to follow Charlie up to the station. Will you drop me off?" Sue declares, handing Seth the keys.

"Sure thing Ma," He replies, hugging his mother before leading her towards the car in the driveway.

"You guys better head back. Pretty sure the kids might have tortured Jane and Tanya enough by now," I smile softly to Peter, Charlotte, Edward and Alice.

"You sure?" Edward asks.

"Yeah. We got this," I reply, nudging Rose with my shoulder.

"Alright. We'll see you guys tomorrow. Party time," Alice replies with a forced laugh. I roll my eyes at her obvious attempt to lighten the mood, unwrapping my arm from Rose and pulling her in for a hug. The four head towards Peter's Mom-mobile.

"You sure you kids are okay?" My dad asks, as Carlisle guides a reluctant Esme towards the others.

"We're good Daddy. Like Jasper said, we've got this," Rose replies, kissing our father on the cheek before hugging Mom.

As quickly the cavalry arrived, they're gone again, leaving Charlie's house quiet.

"So. What do we do?" Rose asks, turning to me. Her forehead is creased, and her eyes, the same shape and color as my own, are filled with stomach-churning worry.

"I have no fucking clue. My first plan of action is to grab the bottle of whiskey I know the Chief keeps under the sink. Then putting on the Notebook. That's about as far as my plan goes," I admit.

"I'll grab the bedding from Bella's room. We can have a slumber party. And you know Emmett's going to botch about the movie choice," Rose replies wearily.

"Please. He loves that film more than you, Bella and Alice combined," I snort.

"I know. He'll still kick up a fuss though," She snickers.

We head through the front door, and Rosalie heads straight upstairs and I head to the kitchen. I grab the cheap whiskey, making sure this time that it isn't the stuff that Carlisle and Esme buy him. He damn near almost killed us last time. I grab five glasses, and a can of coke from the fridge before making my way to the living room.

Emmett is sitting on the sofa, one sister under each arm. I wave the bottle, pasting a cheesy grin on my face, causing him to choke on stilted laughter. I drop down in front of the TV and search through the measly collection of DVD's there. I find The Notebook. Emmett bought it secretly for Charlie, who loved it just as much as Emmett.

I slide the DVD into the player, grabbing the remote before dropping down on the sofa next to Bella. Rose stumbles in, buried under a pile of duvet's and pillows. She dumps them on top of us. Emmett switches seats with Nessie, and Rose climbs into his lap. We both grab a corner of the duvet, stretching it over us and settling in. Bella snuggles into my side, and I hand out the glasses, pouring a generous measure into three of the glasses and pouring half the coke into Nessie and Rose's glasses. Renesmee cocks an eyebrow at me, looking expectant.

"I don't fucking think so Baby Swan. Your fifteen. And you're the Chief's daughter. I value my nuts thanks. I don't need Charlie cutting them off and mounting them on the wall as a trophy," I reply.

"Please. I'm the rebellious teenage daughter of an alcoholic," She growls, and I roll my eyes before pouring a dash of the whiskey into her glass.

"If the Chief asks, Emmett gave you the booze. Right?" I ask her,

"Hey!" Emmett yells.

"Deal," Nessie replies, clinking her glass with my own before taking a deep sip of the drink.

"So what are we watching?" Bella asks, her voice croaking from the tears she's shed tonight.

"The Notebook," I reply, earning a smile from my beautiful girl, and an indignant yelp from Emmett, who's soon quieted by my darling sister.


	24. 23: Daddy Cool

**Charlie**

I leave Renee in a cell with one of my deputies before making my way to the parking lot. I want to punch something. Maybe I should head to Seattle and find Jacob. Killing two birds with one stone. Any thoughts of anger and violence drain straight out of me when I see the angel leaning against my cruiser. The first genuine smile I've felt all night slides on my face as I make my way towards my love. I pull her into my arms, burying my face in her neck. Nothing smells quite as good as Sue Clearwater. Like sunshine and campfires and the beach.

"I don't think I've ever been happier to see your face," I whisper, pulling back to press a soft kiss to her lips.

"I figured you'd leave here and go hunt down a certain 6ft tall asshole to beat the crap out of. Couldn't have my man losing his badge now, could I?" She asks with a laugh. I press my forehead to hers, relishing in the comfort and love that this woman radiates.

"Thank you," I whisper. I'm not just thanking her for being here. I'm thanking her for everything. For loving me. For being with me. For being one of the most important things in my life, only after my children.

"Anytime Chief. Come on. Let's get you home," She replies, shoving me playfully towards the drivers seat of my car, opening the passenger door for myself.

"Oh god. What am I going to say to them?" I ask as I slide into the drivers seat.

"What do you mean?" She asks.

"I just arrested their mother. Fuck," I groan, dropping my head to the steering wheel. Feel a stinging pain over the back of my head.

"You listen here Charles Swan. Those kids adore you. And believe me when I say that they won't give a shit about you arresting Renee. Pretty sure they'll be glad of it," She adds. I sigh.

"I can't even…comprehend what they're feeling," I whisper, my heart breaking for the pain my children are going through.

"Come on, let's get you back to them," She smiles. I drive home, Sue holding my hand the entire way. We get out of the car, and I note that everyone else seems to have disappeared back to the Cullen's house.

As we reach the front door, I take a deep breath, ready to face whatever is inside. I've never been good with crying women. I've always had Jasper or Rose to deal with Bella when she's upset. And now there are two of them.

I push the door open, clutching Sue's hand in mine as I slowly lead her into the house. I can hear noises coming from the living room, and brace myself.

"Come on," Sue mutters, pulling me forward into the living room. The sight in front of me warms my heart.

"Huh."

"Well. Guess you didn't have to worry about the crying women after all," Sue snickers quietly. I level her with a glare before turning off the television and glancing back at the sofa. Rose curled up in Emmett's lap, her head tucked under his neck. Nessie's head is lying in her lap, and Emmett has one arm wrapped around Rose, and the other lying across Nessie's side. Nessie's legs are thrown over Bella and Jasper, who are wrapped up together at the other end of the sofa. I let out a quiet laugh. I should have known that Rose and Jasper would know how to handle my kids. Sue smiles at them, pulling the duvet up to cover them and propping the pillows that are lying on the floor underneath Nessie, Emmett and Jasper's heads.

"Come on. They're good for the night. Let's go to bed," She smiles, taking my hand and leading me upstairs. And I follow her, because I'd follow that woman anywhere.


	25. 24: The Party Song

**Jasper**

There are ups and downs to waking up today.

Upside, having Bella sprawled across my lap, not exactly a bad way to wake up.

Downside, sleeping sitting up on Charlie's ancient sofa has left me with all sorts of aches and pains.

"Motherfucker," Is the delightful noise that wakes me up.

"Emmett. Control your language or you will have to make your own breakfast," Sue shouts.

My eyes blink open, just in time to see a stripey foot slam into my face.

"What the fuck?" I yelp, jumping up and apparently knocking Bella off the sofa in the process.

"Ow!" Bella whines as she lays sprawling on the floor. She's soon joined when Rose wakes up with a jolt, knocking Nessie from the sofa in the process.

"What the!" She squeaks, landing on top of Bella with a thump.

"Hey Rosie?" I say looking to my sister who Emmett has just dumped on the sofa next to him.

"Yeah?"

"That sleepover idea. Sucked," I add.

"Yeah. In retrospect, we're too old for this shit," She laughs.

"Speak for yourselves," Nessie groans, lifting herself from the ground.

"Yeah, you just kick unsuspecting men in the face," I growl, rubbing my hand across my face. She shoots me a sheepish grin.

"Sorry Jazz."

"Breakfast's ready," Sue yells from the kitchen, and Rose is upended onto the floor in Emmett's scramble to get food.

Nessie helps Rose up while I grab Bella's hand, pulling her from the floor.

"Ow," She whines.

"Come on. Sue's cooked for us," I grin, pushing her towards the hallway.

Sue's created a veritable feast for us. Bacon, eggs, sausage, hash browns. Emmett's in heaven, shoving as much food into his mouth as humanly possible.

"Dude. Take a breath or something," Nessie replies, shoving Emmett as she sits down.

"He doesn't need to breath when he eats. It's his superhuman power," Rose snickers, kissing Sue on the cheek before sitting down.

"It's still gross," Nessie mutters.

"No one was disputing that Loch Ness," I mumble, giving Sue a peck on the cheek.

"Thanks Sue. This looks delicious," Bella smiles shyly. Someone's clearly feeling a little self-conscious about last night.

"Thanks sweetheart," Sue smiles, giving Bella a one armed hug. We sit down to eat and dear god, Sue Clearwater can cook. Pretty sure my eyes roll into the back of my head at one point, causing the girls to snicker uncontrollably and Sue to grin happily.

We inhale our breakfasts, before saying goodbye to Sue and heading over to the Cullen's place. Charlie's already at work, and Sue heads back to La Push.

We make our way up the driveway, and Nessie's quieter than usual. I hang back while Emmett, Bella and Rose make their way into the house.

"Hey. You okay?" I ask, gently grabbing Nessie's arm.

"Yeah," She replies, her voice clipped. I drag her towards the porch swing.

"Why Renesmee. I do believe you're full of bullshit," I reply with a grin. She rolls her eyes at me.

"It's just weird seeing Renee again. I was just starting to feel normal. Normally family. Normal friends," She casts a disparaging look my way "Well. Almost normal," I snicker at her fair assessment. "And I think I'd finally started believing that she was out of my life. That I could move on from all her shit. And now she's back, and she wants to take me back to Phoenix. And there's like, a nagging voice in my head saying 'what if she wins' and I have to back and I just…" Tears are starting to form in her eyes and I pull her into a hug.

"Listen to me. You aren't going back. You really think any of us would let that happen?" I ask, pushing her back to look in her face. "Your stuck with us kid. You really think my mother or Esme would let Renee get away with anything? Believe me when I tell you that there's more chance of me and Edward having to dispose of a body to cover up our mothers crimes than there is of you going back to Phoenix."

She let's out a laugh, wiping the tears from her face and we get up, making our way into the house. Edward and my Dad are playing UFC, with Emmett yelling instructions to my dad on how exactly to hand Eddie boy's ass to him. The girls are in the corner, and the dangerous look in their eyes tells me they're plotting something. And the surreptitious glances they're throwing Edward's way makes me think that it's not a conversation Nessie needs to be part of. Or that I want to be part of. I push Nessie towards the kitchen.

Whenever my mother and Esme get together, they set up in the kitchen. It gives them unrestrained access to coffee, and they can chase Emmett away if he attempts to raid the fridge. Win win.

We find the two sitting at the kitchen counter. I spot Peter outside, watching the kids as they play in the pool.

"Erm. Jasper. Why do Esme and Maria look like that?" Nessie whispers, grabbing my arm as I start making my way into the kitchen. I glance at them, seeing the vicious and angry looks on their faces.

"You remember what I said about me and Edward disposing of a body? Pretty sure I should take him scouting for locations right about now," I whisper back.

* * *

><p><strong>Bella<strong>

I'm emotionally exhausted. But apparently, even the reappearance of my negligent mother isn't enough of a reason to derail Emmett and Rosalie's party plans. I turn to Nessie one last time.

"Are you sure about this?" I ask. She can back out at any moment. There's not a person on earth who would blame her.

"Stop making it sound like I'm about to try and pull off a bank robbery. It's babysitting. And it's not like I'm doing it alone. Seth will be here," She replies.

This may be the most stupid idea ever.

"They're not exactly sweet angelic children," Jasper replies, walking into the Cullen's living room.

The Cullen's house has become our base of operations for the evening. Esme, Carlisle, Maria and Nate have already left. They're having dinner with my Dad and Sue before going out dancing. The last time the parental units got together for dinner and dancing, Jasper and Edward had to drive to Toronto to pick them up. This is the main reason that we're holding the bachelor party two days before the wedding. We need time for people to reconvene.

Jasper drops down on the sofa next to me. I don't know when I became so hyper-aware of his proximity, but it seems like he's never more than a few feet away from me. Knowing this makes me feel…good. Cared for.

"Why aren't you dressed yet?" Jasper asks.

"Alice hasn't found me yet. She was too busy getting Rose dressed," I grin back. It's not like I've completely avoided getting dressed. I've done my hair and make-up. I'm just avoiding the torture that Alice enjoys inflicting on me.

"The longer you put it off, the worse it'll be," He replies with a snicker. Oh yeah. Laugh it up. He's wearing a pair of jeans, a white shirt and a black waistcoat. Minimal effort, and yet he still looks all god-like. Asshole.

"Come on. We'll find Tanya. If you look like you've attempted to dress yourself, she might go easy on you," Nessie offers, grabbing my hand and pulling me from the sofa. Emmett, Peter and Edward stroll in.

Nessie wolf-whistles at the boys, who all grin widely at her.

Edward's wearing a pair of black jeans, a white t-shirt and a black cardigan. Give me 35 seconds to dig out the black-frame glasses he used to wear in college, and the image will be complete. Emmett's wearing a faded Pixie's t-shirt with a pair of torn jeans, a pair of blood red suspenders dangling down the sides of his legs. Peter's sporting a pair of dark wash jeans, a white wife beater and a black leather jacket. All the boys are sporting beaten up Converse, except Peter who's wearing a beaten up pair of cowboy boots. I don't know whether I'm impressed, or if I should laugh at the bunch of near 30 year olds who still dress like they're 20.

"How the fuck did you four get past Alice?" I growl as Nessie attempts to remove me from the living room.

"Sugar, are you trying to tell us we look a mess?" Peter asks, pouting.

"No!" I yell, causing the four of them to start to snicker, "But I would love to know how you got away with wearing Converse," I ask in a sweet voice.

"We're guys. The small, evil one doesn't care what we wear on our feet," Jasper replies, and the boys all sprawl out on the couch.

"It's not fair," I whine as Nessie once again attempts to remove me from the room, succeeding this time.

"I know," She replies, clearly patronizing me. She pats me on the head with her free hand, before shoving me into Alice's room.

"You said you'd take me to Tanya," I hiss at her.

"I lied," She snickers, before turning round and prancing off.

"Traitor!"

Unfortunately, my voice alerts the fashion Nazi and her minions. It appears they've all gotten ready and are waiting for me. Crap. I take a second to regard my friends. Rose is wearing a black gauzy shirt with jeans, a pair of dangerous looking red heels on her feet. Her hair has been pulled back into a ponytail, her bangs puffed up into a killer quiff.

Tanya is wearing a dark blue corset with a pair of back pants. Her hair has been ironed straight, and her eyes are smokey. Jane is wearing a black dress with white stars dotted across it, a pair of dark gray leggings with black flats completing her outfit. Alice looks like a mythical creature. Her black bob has been lightly curled, giving her hair gentle waves. She's wearing a dark green tunic with a pair of skinny jeans, and a pair of pixie style ankle boots And Charlotte looks adorable and dangerous at the same time, dressed in a navy sailor style dress with a rounded collar, and blood red lips. And then things get scary. The five of them start to advance on me the minute I'm thrown in the room.

"Guys…" I trail off, and then they pounce.

Fifteen minutes later I'm dressed. And I'll admit it. I look awesome. I'm in a black lace mini-dress. When Alice first pulled it out of her suitcase, my immediate thought was that I would end up looking like Morticia Addams. Not really a look I wanted to go for. But the four of them had more strength than myself, and I was forced into the dress. Not exactly one of my favourite moments. After I was forced into the dress, Alice yanked out the tie holding my ponytail up, and the four of them started mussing up my hair with numerous evil looking potions. Jane grabbed a make-up wipe, and 2 minutes later I'm all smokey-eyed and glossy lipped.

And then they pin me to the bed.

"What the hell are you doing?" I screech as Tanya straddled my waist, pinning my arms above my head. Jane and Charlotte straddle my legs, each pinning one of my legs to the bed, as Alice and Rose pull out a black shoe-box that Alice has hidden under the bed. In the box is a pair of the scariest shoes I've ever seen. They're platform heels with purple rosette's and tiny gray skulls. As much as I hate to admit it, they're awesome. But terrifying.

"This is the only way we could think of to get you into them," Tanya snickers from her perch.

"No! Alice! Rose! I will break my neck!" I screech, just as Alice's bedroom door bursts open, the boys stumbling to a halt as they regard the scene in front of them.

"Holy crap," Edward whispers, his face pale as he openly gawks at Tanya as she straddles me. Her face turns pink before she glances at me, a grin spreading across her face

"What the hell are you doing to my sister?" Emmett asks just as Rose and Alice finish strapping the shoes on my feet.

"We're getting Bella dressed," Alice replies, in a voice clearly intended to inform Emmett of just how stupid she finds him.

"Well. Okay then," Emmett replies before pulling Rose and Alice to their feet. Peter hauls Jane and Charlotte off me, freeing my legs.

"You okay Bella?" Tanya asks.

"I can't breathe," I reply.

"Why?" Tanya asks, looking concerned.

"Your sitting on my fucking lungs," I gasp out, causing Edward to snicker before wrapping an arm around Tanya's waist and hauling her off me, allowing valuable oxygen to get to my lungs. I gasp in a breathe, propping myself up on my elbows as Jasper appears at the side of the bed, his arms crossed, a lazy smirk on his face.

"You okay darlin?" he asks, offering his hand.

"I feel violated," I whine, reaching out to grab his hand. He yanks me up, and I stumble like a newborn deer in the stupid fucking shoes. Jasper wraps his arm around me, chuckling.

"I thought they gave up the quest to get you in heels?" he asks, leading me towards the bedroom door as we follow the rest of them downstairs.

"Apparently they think it's totally cool to break their promises on special occasions," I grouse. We hit the top of the staircase, and Jasper lifts me from the floor, causing me to shriek. I hear snickering, and throw a glare at Seth and Nessie who are standing in the hallway. I point at my sister.

"I'll get you. I swear to god if it's the last thing I do, I will have revenge!" I growl, and she rolls her eyes, laughing at me.

"Well. I'd warn you about what your about to encounter, but I want to get hammered," Peter grins, throwing his arms around Seth and Nessie's shoulders. Both look unworried.

"Oh man. I'd warn them, but they're so fucking cocky," Jasper whistles, and I snicker.

"They'll learn soon enough," I giggle. Felix and the twins appear at the top of the stairs, all looking freshly cleaned and ready for bed. I know this scenario. They're lulling Seth and Nessie into a false sense of security. Sneaky little fuckers. I throw them a wink, and the evil grins spread across their faces. I glance at Ness and Seth, who have the decency to look a little terrified. Revenge. Love it.

The ten of us make our way outside, clambering into Peter's rental car. Peter, Emmett and Rose are up front. Alice and Jane are in the two seats behind them, with Edward, Tanya and Char in the three seat aisle across, leaving me and Jasper in the two seats in the back. Since Emmett is driving, Peter and Rose are left in charge of the tuneage, and are squabbling worse than when they were kids. Peter's all about country and 70's British rock, while Rose is a die-hard riot grrrl.

"Fuck no. I am not listening to angry chicks screech about how awful men are for the next twenty minutes," Peter growls.

"Well I'm not listening to your whiny country music or your fucking Jurassic-era English fuckers either," Rose snarls. Alice spins round in her seat, grabbing the iPod connector that the two are bickering over and plugging her own in, before blasting 3OH!3. Both turn to glare at her, but she gives them her 'I-might-be-short-but-I'll-fucking-end-you' glare, silencing them. The rest of us are snickering like imbeciles. Ten minutes into the ride, Edward motions to Alice to turn the music down. They have some sort of silent mini-argument before Alice finally relents.

"So, I know we're supposed to spend tomorrow nursing our hangovers, but I had an idea," Edward grins as Rose cranes her neck. She eyes him speculatively.

"And what would that be?" She asks, intrigued.

"The meadow," He grins back. Everyone but Jane, Tanya and Charlotte gasp and burst into excited chatter.

"Edward! That's perfect," Rose replies.

"We haven't been there in so long," Emmett crows.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Char asks.

"It's this meadow we found in high school. We spent most weekends up there, it's beautiful. It's full of wildflowers, and there's this waterfall. We can hike up there at about two, set up camp, go swimming, drink and then camp out. We'll pack up early the next morning and hike back, and you'll still have hours before you even need to start getting ready," Edward grins.

"That sounds awesome! It'll be just like old times," Peter giggles, bouncing up and down in his seat. Fucking 8-year old.

"Where exactly are we going tonight?" Jane asks suddenly.

"The Crash Club," Emmett, Jasper and Edward reply, whooping and cheering. I roll my eyes.

"It's this kind of dive club. Cheap drinks and sticky floors, but it's awesome. They play mostly rock music, but there's all sorts of random stuff thrown in as well. We've been going there since we got our fake ID's when we were 17," I reply.

"It's where we disappeared to most weekends. We'd go on a Friday night, sleep in the car and then hike up to the meadow for the rest of the weekend," Rose adds.

"It's seriously awesome. There are three floors. The ground floor has open-mic, the first floor has old school rock, and the basement is where they play…well…everything else. Punk, ska, pop, hip-hop. It's awesome," Alice giggles.

"Man, I remember your Senior year, when you guys played the open mic-night every week. You had your own fucking fan-club and everything," Peter laughs.

"Good times," Edward replies with a smirk.

"I don't remember this," I reply, attempting to remember.

"It was when you were grounded after the great tattoo debacle," Jasper grins. Ah yes. A week after Jasper and I got our tattoo's, Charlie spied it. He lost his shit and I wasn't allowed to leave the house on weekends for six months. Rose, Alice and I would have girls night on a Friday, painting our toes, eating too much pizza and watching crappy films. The boys would disappear, and then we'd all spend Saturday night together.

"Oh man. I kinda miss being in a band," Emmett sighs.

"Why? You sucked," I reply with a smirk.

"Actually, he got a lot better by the time we started playing Crash," Jasper adds begrudgingly, and Emmett turns round to grin triumphantly at me.

"Oh god. I remember that whore Lauren Mallory kept going to see you guys play. Fucking groupie. What were you losers called again?" Rose asks. This causes Emmett to huff.

"Epic Obscurity," Edward replies, causing Tanya and Jane to turn to stare at him.

"God. You were pretentious emo little fuckers weren't you?" Jane asks.

"Yes. They were," Rose replies.

"I would like to state that my suggestions were disregarded without thought," Emmett pipes up.

"You wanted to call the band Alien Pussy. Shut the fuck up," Edward replies, turning his nose in the air.

"That wasn't the only suggestion I made!"

"No, the other was Flaccid Octopus," Edward growls.

"Crash wouldn't have let us introduce ourselves as Alien Pussy, and did you really want to be in a band with the word flaccid in the name?" Jasper asks.

"No," Emmett mumbles.

"You were honestly going to call yourselves Alien Pussy?" Tanya asks, looking shocked and amused.

"I thought it was a hilarious name. Eddie got __really__ pissy about it though," Jasper replies.

"Why does that not surprise me?" Jane snickers, and Edward shoots her a joking glare.

"He did have a rather huge stick up his ass as far as the band was concerned," Jasper adds, and Edward turns round to glare at him, for real this time.

"Okay girls. Put down your handbags. Let's chill the fuck out and enjoy our night," I say, smacking the both of them upside the head.

"Ow," Jasper whines.

"We were only kidding around," Edward adds, rubbing the back of his head.

"Aww poor baby," Char snickers.

The rest of our journey continues this way, with everyone squabbling like six year olds. And the only reason I didn't bitch slap my brother during the hellish 45 minutes journey was because the six people between me and him had to restrain me. I'm a little proud of the fact that it did actually take all six of them to hold me back, and that Edward narrowly missed getting his nuts crushed by my heels. Turns out, they're not just useless death traps. They're __handy__.

Rose parks the car in the back lot, and we clamber out. Despite being handy contraptions, the shoes still aren't exactly conducive to, you know, walking, and I stumble forwards. Luckily my friends have cat-like reflexes, and each of my arms is caught. I'm dangling above the ground, Peter holding one arm and Jasper clutching the other, while the rest of them dissolve into laughter. Alice laughs so hard she snorts, her eyes widening at the realization and her hands flying to cover her mouth. This leads the fuckers breaking out into another round of laughter, but hey. At least I'm not the only one glaring this time.

"Come on Bells," Peter laughs, yanking on my arm so I go flying back. Luckily, Jasper still has hold of me, and pulls me to him so I don't go flying back into the car, I collide with his chest instead. The hyenas look like they're about to pass out they're laughing so hard. Assholes.

"Come on. You're like Bambi, learning to walk," he teases, and I sock him in the arm. The gang begins to walk to the club, when Jasper's phone starts to ring. He stops, causing me to stumble to a halt. It's humiliating that I'm an adult and I've been reduced to hanging off my best friend, incapable of walking on my own two feet.

The rest of them keep walking, and Jasper pulls his cell phone from his pocket, glaring at the caller ID, before flipping it open

"Tell me you are not calling me at 9pm," He growls down the phone. A gruff voice replies, but I can't hear what they're saying.

"No! I've already told you! And dude, it's midnight there. Go to bed, and stop harassing me," He growls. The voice get's louder, more insistent.

"No. Clay, don't tell me to take time. I don't need time. I've told you 8 times. I do not want the job," Jasper's got his angry face on now. And Clay? The only Clay Jasper knows is Clayton Danvers. Clay is pretty much the entire reason Jasper became a professor. He's like his idol. For Jasper to be yelling at Clay… it's a little inconceivable.

"Dude. Go to bed. Stop pestering me. Give Elena a hug from me," Jasper adds, cutting of Clay's voice before hanging up. He winds his arm around my waist, attempting to pull me forward. I dig my heels, wobbling a bit.

"Oh no. Don't even think we're gonna just walk off. Why are you shouting at Clay?" I ask. He sighs, running his fingers through his hair. My eyes follow his fingers, and I give myself a little shake to snap myself out of it. What the fuck is wrong with me?

"It's nothing," He replies. I punch his arm. Sometimes, a little violence is needed.

"Spill it," I growl. He smirks, rolling his eyes, before he wraps his arm around my waist and yanks me forward.

"Clay is doing a semester at Texas A&M, focusing on the American Revolution. He wants me to go with him, and teach focusing on the Civil War," he replies. I stop dead.

"Wow. Oh. Um. Are you going?" I ask. I don't know what the fuck to think. My mind. Gone.

"No. It would be cool to work with Clay, and the class seems like it would be awesome, but… it's just not the right time," He replies.

"But, you would be close to your parents. And it's only a semester, right?" Why. Why am I saying this. Stupid, exploded brain.

"Yeah. But it's short notice with work. Caius would go ape-shit. And with everything going on, I…" He trails off.

"It's an amazing opportunity," I whisper.

"Yeah. But I have a long career ahead of me. There will be a lot of great opportunities," He grins.

"Okay," I reply, letting him pull me along. God. I don't want him to leave for an entire semester. But… it's a fantastic opportunity for him. And i know how much it would mean to him to work with Clay. He was the one that wrote Jasper's letter of recommendation to the University when Jasper applied. And he gave Jasper advice about the growing population of sorority girls that attended his class. He'd had the same problem.

Clay is…well. There's only one way to see it. He's fuckhot. Tall, tan, piercing blue eyes and honey-blonde hair and Jesus. I think i need a cold shower. He also had a Louisiana accent which could make a girls knee's weak. Yes. I followed along with the insane sorority girls where Professor Danvers was concerned. But at least i had the mental capacity to actually pass the class. And it wasn't like i only took the class to drool over him. He was actually a brilliant teacher. And Jasper has my out-of-control hormones to thank for his mentor. He only took the class to keep me company. All I got was something to stare at a few hours a week. He got a career out of it. As far as I'm concerned, it's all good.

I allow myself to be lead towards the front door.

"Whit?" A deep voice yells. Jasper grins, pulling me towards a tall, dark haired man who's guarding the door.

"Jared?" Jasper laughs, clapping the guy on the back.

"Whit?" I ask with a smirk, and receive a glare from Jasper.

"How you doing man? I just let E.C and Mase in. You guys gonna play?" He asks. Who the fuck are E.C. and Mase?

"No man. It's E.C.'s bachelor party," Jasper replies. It's like they're speaking another language. So…E.C must be Emmett. Which means Edward is Mase. Oh god. So Emmett's using his initials. Emmett Charles. And Edward's shortened his middle name, Masen. Whit must be Whitlock. Such losers.

"E.C.'s getting married?" They guy asks with wide eyes. "Dude. Is it to the smoking blonde chick?" I snort back a laugh.

"Yeah. And she's my sister. So let's not talk about how 'smoking' she is," Jasper whines. Jared's eyes turn to me.

"Is she your sister?" He asks, his eyes fixed on my chest.

"No," Jasper growls, before a vicious grin stretches over his face, "But she is E.C.'s sister," He smirks. Jared's eyes widen, and dart to my face. I nod with a grin, and he jumps out of the way, ushering us into the building.

"Thanks," I grin, and Jasper leads me inside.

"Yo, Whit!" Jared calls after us, "Let me know if you guys are gonna play. I'll set up barricades," He grins, before turning back to the line.

"Whit? Really?" I ask as he leads me towards where the gang have grabbed a table.

"I was young," He defends.

"And pretentious," I add.

"Am I the only one who's gonna get shit for this?" He asks with a sigh.

"Oh no. 'E.C.' and 'Mase' will be mocked as well. Don't worry."

"Well, as long as your an equal opportunity ball-buster," He grins, pulling me towards the table.

"Man, you will never guess who the manager here is," Emmett yells with barely contained glee.

"Who?" Jasper asks.

"Dude. You at least have to try guessing," Emmett replies. Jasper rolls his eyes, opening his mouth to reply, but is cut off by an excited yell.

"Whit?" We turn around, and i spot a stunning red-head, gaping at Jasper.

"Oh, this is gonna be good," Edward snickers. I drop down on the seat next to him, as Jasper gapes. The woman rushes towards him, vaulting into his arms. Her arms lock around his neck, her legs around his waist and she plants a loud, slightly obscene kiss on his lips. Tanya kicks me, looking at me pointedly, and I realize my face is twisted into a grimace. I attempt to school my features into a neutral mask. Don't know if it really works.

When the red-head let's Jasper up for her air after her assault, he stares at her wide eyed as she grins, letting her legs loosen and dropping down to stand in front of him.

"V-Vicki?" He asks.

"It's Victoria now," She grins. "Damn, it's good to see you. What have you been up to, Whit?" She asks.

"It's Jasper now," He laughs. "I'm a professor now," He smirks.

"No fucking way," She snorts.

"Way," Emmett replies.

"God. I remember the last time you guys played. You broke a lot of hearts that night," She grins.

"How come we never knew about this little rock-star portion of your lives?" Rose asks, voicing what Alice and I are both thinking.

"Because you would have mocked us mercilessly," Edward replies.

"True," The three of us reply in unison.

"Evil," Emmett replies, shaking his head.

"So. What are the chances I can get Epic Obscurity to get up on stage and do a short set?" Victoria asks, eying the boys.

"Slim to none," Jasper replies.

"Oh come on! Pretty please?" She asks, batting her lashes at Jasper. __I want to tear her bright red hair out__.

Rose's face is suddenly sporting a deviant grin, and she turns to Victoria.

"Oh, they'll do it. Get them a couple of drinks," Rose smirks.

"Already done," Victoria replies as a tall, muscular blonde guy waltzes over carrying a tray of shot glasses.

"What's this?" Tanya asks, staring at the drink.

"Tequila. On the house," Victoria replies.

"Dude," Emmett replies, nudging Edward and glancing at the blonde man.

"James?" Edward asks, confused. The blonde looks over at Edward.

"Mase. E.C. Good to see you," He replies with a grin, before turning to Jasper. "Whit," He nods, before storming off.

"What-" I ask.

"Oh, don't mind him. James hates Jasper," Emmett replies.

"He's just jealous of the greeting Jasper got," Victoria replies with a giggle.

"He finally realize he's in love with you?" Jasper asks with a smile. Victoria nods.

"Yep," She laughs, holding up her left hand, "We got married a five years ago. That little display should earn me some hot, angry make up sex later," Victoria grins easier. Suddenly, I don't hate her quite so much. And I kind of admire her. Feisty.

"Well, I have a bar to run, I'll drag you guys to the stage later," She replies. Then her face turns serious, and she points at Edward and Jasper "Your groupies are here by the way. Thought you might like a warning," She adds, before spinning on her feet and taking off towards the bar.

Jasper's face has paled, and when I turn to glance at Edward his face matches.

"What the hell?" I ask as Jasper sinks down into the seat beside me, his face still terrified.

"Shit," Edward gasps.

"What?" Alice asks, her curiosity peaked. Emmett and Peter are trying to hold in what I can only assume is gut-busting laughter.

"Nettie and Lucy," Peter gasps.

"These two really slutty girls that used to practically stalk Edward and Jazz," Emmett adds with a snort.

"Dude," Edward growls.

"You don't get to 'dude' me, __Mase__," Emmett snickers, "Jasper can get all pissy, because he never let one of those skanky ho's anywhere near his dick. You can't say the same," Emmett finishes, looking smug. Yeah, he won't be looking smug for long. Emmett may be a beast, but Edward will take him down. And the way he's glaring daggers at Emmett's head should be warning enough that he should run. Run fast. Like now.

"You're an ass," Edward growls.

"And you used to have shitty taste. You've rectified that now. Let it go. Now, let's dance," Jasper interjects, calming Edward down, grabbing my hand and pulling me up. Emmett snickers, wrapping his arm around Rose. Edward gives up his glaring, and offers his hand to Tanya like a good little gentleman.

I have to admit, I've missed this side of him. I hate to admit that it always annoyed me. The opening of doors and Victorian-esque behavior was often too much, leading to most of our arguments as a couple. But the way that a light blush spreads across Tanya's cheeks tells me that it's something she adores. We haven't got to see a lot of the old Edward, especially when it comes to the fairer sex, at it makes me unbelievably happy that this fantastic, amazing boy has been unearthed by a woman that, in my opinion, truly deserves him and seems to make him so happy. What can I say? These two give me the warm fuzzies.

Peter and Charlotte pound back they're tequila shots, and Peter jumps up, yanking his Southern Bell with him before kissing her soundly on the lips and whisking her towards the dance floor. I let out a giggle. Jane and Alice give each other a look that is filled with love and adoration and I feel a little like I'm intruding. Alice has gone through her fair share of women. Some have been nice, others have been horrific. But none have seemed to care for her like Jane so obviously does, and have made such an effort with her friends as Jane has. I'll admit that as a group, we can be intimidating, especially when you add Peter and Charlotte to the mix. Rose and Emmett have always been secure in knowing who they loved, and that their significant other was as loved by their friends as they are.

Jasper and Edward never really introduced girls to us. Which leaves all their over-protective asshattery to Alice and I. And believe me when I say they were…well, let's just say I came close to killing them on more than one occasion. And I'm sure Alice did as well. We had an unspoken agreement that we'd never comment on each others partners, and we stuck to it. It was our own little sisterhood solidarity thing. Even so, I admit that I hadn't exactly been welcoming to some of her ex's. But Jane. Jane loved her. And she loved Jane. So it was all good. They hop up, arms wound around each other and prance towards the dance floor. Graceful little munchkins.

Jasper grabs my hand, sending me a bright grin.

"Let's dance pretty girl," He grins, gently pulling me towards the dance floor.

"I can't dance! I can barely walk in these shoes!" I grumble, but he doesn't seem to care. We make it to the dance floor, and the house-band has slowed it down to a slow song. The lead singer has broken out an acoustic guitar, and is singing sadly about unrequited love.

Jasper looks sad, so I wind my arms around his neck, and he glance down at me, a small smile breaking out across his face. It makes my heart swell.

"See, this isn't so bad," He replies with a soft laugh, as we sway from side to side.

"No. Not so bad," I whisper. I lay my head on his chest, as we sway to the song. This moment seems…perfect. I want to pinpoint the moment when Jasper's touch gave me this feeling. Of perfect peace, tranquillity and calm, of being __home__. But as I think back, he always has. With just one touch, or a simple embrace, Jasper has been the one who could sweep away any tension, pain, terror. With just one touch he can sweep it all away.

The song ends, and I raise my head from his chest, looking at him. His eyes are filled with some foreign emotion, and it's so prominent that it's swirling in his eyes like a hurricane.

His face starts to lower towards mine, inch by torturous inch, and my heart is in my throat. Is he going to kiss me?

The thought doesn't send me into a horror spiral. It doesn't fill me with trepidation. It sends shooting sparks up my spine.

"Jasper! Victoria says we have the next set, come on man. Let's rock out," Emmett yells, clapping his hand on Jasper's shoulders. Whatever….whatever was happening in the moment before, and Jasper's eyes no longer swirl with…whatever it was. Was it even there? Was I imagining it? Am I losing my fucking mind? Because it feels an awful lot like I'm losing my fucking mind.

Jasper sends me a grin, releasing my waist.

"Let's go be pretentious emo fuckers!" He yells, grinning at me and bounding off. I stand there and I'm…lost.

"Come on," A soft voice whispers, and I glance at the face next to me. Tanya is smirking, looking like she knows something, and pulls me towards the booth. Rose and Char are sitting across from Alice and Jane, snickering.

"Oh man. This is going to be good," Rose snickers.

"Oh yeah," Char replies.

Tanya and I sit down, and we turn to look at the stage. Emmett is seated at the drums, adjusting them. Peter and Jasper are adjusting the mic stands, Jasper with a guitar strapped around his neck, and Peter holding a bass by the neck. Edward is setting down at a…shit.

"Oh crap," Alice whispers. Rose and Char's heads turn to the stand. Char quirks an eyebrow at our expression, but understanding fills Rose's face.

"Fuck," She gulps.

"What?" Tanya asks, eying Edward as he adjust himself, trying to get a feel for the instrument in front of him.

"Has. Has Edward played for you yet?" I ask in a low voice.

"No," She replies, looking confused.

"You know all the hard work you've put into seducing him? Yeah. Well. This is his payback," I reply.

"What do you mean?" She asks, I look to Rose, desperate for this conversation to not be about me.

"I love Emmett with everything I have, but…well, every time I see Edward play, I have to physically restrain myself from fucking him on top of said piano," She sums up succinctly. Tanya's eyes widen, and she looks at me. I shoot her a sheepish grin, nodding my head.

"Really?" Char asks.

"Just wait," Alice replies. Jane glances her. "Don't give me that look. Just…wait," She adds.

We all turn to stare at the stage again.

Victoria hops up on stage, holding a mic.

"Well. We have a surprise for you tonight. One of our favourite local bands, who a lot of you are going to remember, have agreed to play a three song set. Let's give a big round of applause to Epic Obscurity!" She yells. A huge cheer goes up, and I'm not the only one who notices the numerous shrieking women who are shoving their way to the front of the stage. The boys smirk, and Jasper adjusts a mic stand closer to Edward's face. He grins back, before cracking his fingers and placing them above the keys. Jasper returns to his position, sending a smirk to Peter. The houselights dim, leaving only them illuminated against the dark.

Edward's fingers push down on the keys, and I hear Tanya gasp so loudly that I can hear it over the music. A slow, sweet melody starts, quickly picking up pace as Jasper, Peter and Emmett join him.

"__Oh my god this hurts like hell,__

__I had that dream again when I was lost for good in outer space,__

__Tell me doctor how to shake,__

__A waking nightmare that is only words when I am sleeping,"__

Edward's voice is smooth as silk, singing to the crowd. Tanya seems to be mesmerized, and she's not the only one. But I'm not watching Edward. I'm watching Jasper.

He stands, a soft smile on his lips as he strums the guitar. His fingers are nimble as they move across the frets, and I feel my breathe catch.

The song ends to cheers so loud that I think I actually go deaf. Edward smirks at our general direction. Rose and I may have admitted the effects of his piano playing after a drunken night, so the fucker knows exactly what he's doing to Tanya by playing.

Evil little fucker.

He strolls to the edge of the seat, grabbing a guitar by the neck before readjusting the mic.

"Okay. So we're Epic Obscurity. And that song was for a few friends of mine who've told me how much they enjoy it when I play piano," He winks towards the table, and Rose looks at me, sharing her famous we'll-kill-him-later look. I nod my head. Evil, evil little fucker. He's so fucking dead.

__So dead.__

"Now. We're going to play a favourite of ours, then my best friend, Whit, will be taking over for a solo song," He grins. He turns to Jasper, who starts to strum the guitar softly. Emmett joins in after a few seconds, softly tapping the sticks softly against the skins. A few seconds later, Peter joins, blending the bass perfectly with Jasper's playing. I am…hypnotized Edward's voice filters in slowly, but I'm barely aware of it.

"__Welcome to the planet,__

__Welcome to existence,__

__Everyone's here, everyone's here,__

__Everybody's watching you now,__

__Everybody waits for you now,__

__What happens next?__

__What happens next?__

__I dare you to move,"__

Their instruments all pick up pace in perfect synchronicity, and Edward's voice get's louder and more insistent. It kind of bugs me that they're good. They are really, really good.

Fuckers. Their heads will be so big we'll need to break the door-frames just to get them in the Cullen's house tonight.

The song continues, and I glance at Tanya, who's eyes are glazed over. I'm pretty sure I see drool.

"I get it now," Tanya whispers.

"Me too," Char croaks.

"Uh-huh," Adds Jane, and I snort back a laugh. Give a bunch of pretty boys instruments, and all the women go crazy.

They wind down their song, slowly descending to silence. The bar is silent, before breaking out into loud applause. I'm pretty sure some of the skankier girls are pulling off their panties to throw at the stage.

Jasper grabs the mic, speaking into it. His voice is huskier with the strain of singing back-up, and the shivers are back.

"Well. Hi there everyone," He grins "As you know, we're Epic Obscurity. We've got one last song, and Mase is kindly allowing me to take over lead vocals for it. So. Yeah. Hope you enjoy," He grins.

The three of them move quickly to the edge of the stage, changing instruments. Emmett changes his sticks, tapping them lightly against the skins to test the sound. They're muffled, softer. Peter returns, carrying an acoustic bass, and Jasper is holding an acoustic guitar in his hand, and Edward sits back down at the piano bench after storing the guitar.

Edward smiles at Jasper, playing a soft, light melody in the background. Jasper starts to strum, and Peter and Emmett pick up the rhythm quickly. Jasper leans into the mic, his eyes closed, and begins to sing.

And my heart seems to fail.

"__Am I loud and clear?__

__Or am I breaking up?__

__Am I just your charm,__

__Or am I just bad luck__

__Are we getting closer?__

__Or are we just getting more lost?"__

I don't think I've taken a breath. Jasper's voice is rough and deep, a perfect contrast to Edward's smooth tones. It washes over me, making every inch of my skin tingle.

Making me feel alive.

After the song ends, deafening silence falls on the club again. It's eerie. But the empty space is filled quickly by cheers and high-pitched shrieks. The boys grin, say their good-nights, and race back towards us, collapsing into the booth. Rose plants a loud, obnoxious, kind of gross kiss on Emmett's lips, before whispering promises into his ear that make his face light up like a kid at Christmas. I don't wanna know. Char climbs into Peter's lap, straddling him, before grabbing his face and assaulting his mouth. Tanya is staring wide-eyed at Edward, who is smirking. Yeah. Edward cottoned onto the plan. That was revenge. She stands up, moving towards him, throwing her hands around his neck and kissing him passionately. His eyes widen momentarily, before his arms wrap around her waist and he's kissing her back.

Jasper flops down next to me, grinning widely.

"So, what did ya think?" Jasper asks.

"I'm pissed," I reply, and his face drops.

"Why?" He asks, looking like a kicked puppy.

"Why didn't you wait till after my grounding had finished to dissolve the band. You guys we're amazing. I'm pissed it's taken you guys ten years to play for me," I reply, punching him in the arm. He lets out a relived laugh, wrapping his arm across my shoulder.

"Sorry sweetheart, but you got to see us tonight. We were really good?" He asks.

"You were…amazing. Really. You know I wouldn't inflate you're ego if I didn't have to," I add with a dramatic sigh. He laughs, pressing a kiss to my forehead and __shivers. Stupid fucking shivers.__

Edward and Tanya drop down into the booth, Tanya securely in Edward's lap. Edward is grinning like a cat that got the canary, as he surveys the bar. Apparently he spots something he really doesn't like, because his face drops quickly.

"Oh shit," he mutters.

"What?" Tanya asks. Emmett and Jasper look at him questioningly, and he nods in the direction he wants them to look. The glance in the direction he's indicating, so obviously the rest of us to look in the same direction. Two overly-made up, possibly coked out girls are sauntering over to our table.

"Nettie and Lucy," He replies.

"Here they come," Emmett mutters.

"What do we do?" Edward asks, and he looks panicked. I kind of want to tell him it's his own damn fault.

"Jedi mind trick?" Peter asks with a smirk. Glad to see someone else finds this as amusing as I do.

"Dude," Emmett replies disparagingly, "You know that only worked once," The guys nod there head in agreement, causing the rest of us to stare wide eyed. Rose has the baby bump and the ring to protect Emmett, and I notice that Edward is now clutching Tanya as if she's a life preserver, while Jasper looks increasingly uncomfortable. I slide my thumb ring off, shifting my the rest around. A silver ring with a huge cubic zirconium and a dainty silver band are now sitting on my wedding finger. I grab Jasper's left hand, which is tapping a disjointed rhythm on his thigh, and slide the thumb ring onto it. It's a plain, chunky silver band, but it works. He looks at me, his eyes wide, and I grab his hand, entwining our fingers and placing our hands on the table, grabbing my beer bottle with my left hand so my ring is prominently displayed.

"Be cool, soda-pop," I grin. He finally seems to get it, letting out a bark of relieved laughter, before leaning forward and kissing my forehead. It sends jitters up and down my spine. He's my best friend. He's the one who's always been able to calm me, make me feel whole no matter what catastrophe has occurred. He's my best friend, and he's always been different. I thought it was __because__ he was my best friend. But… I'm pretty sure this isn't how Alice feels when Edward touches her.

My frantic inner-monologue is cut off when the two harpies arrive at our table.

"Oh my god!" They screech. I'm pretty sure my ears are bleeding now.

"You guys were so amazing!" The taller one adds. They're carbon copies of each other. Bland features, blue eyed, bottle blonde hair, too tight clothing. There's really no distinguishing between the two, except that the slightly taller one is wearing a skin tight red tube top, while the shorter is wearing a pink one.

"Erm… thanks?" Emmett replies, looking terrified. Probably because he's the closest too them. He shifts closer to Rose. Poor idiot.

"Mase," The taller one purrs, and Edward is slowly turning green. Own. Damn. Fault.

"Lucy," He mutters, bobbing his head and using Tanya as a human shield. I want to laugh. I want to laugh so fucking hard. Until the short one sets her sights on Jasper. Now I want to smack the bitch.

"Whit. You were awesome. How come you never sang solo before?" She trills, and her voice is like nails on a chalkboard.

"It was a special occasion," He replies, his arm around my shoulder tightening.

"Oh, what occasion," She giggles.

"Our anniversary," He replies with a grin, holding up his left hand. The short one, who I'm assuming is Nettie, glares daggers at me, and I grin back sweetly, ignoring the shocked look on my friends faces, except for Tanya who's trying not to laugh her ass off. Bitch.

"Oh. Cool," She replies, before her eyes begin to wander around the bar in search of a new target.

"So. Mase. You busy later?" Lucy asks.

"Yes. He's busy permanently as far as you're concerned," Tanya growls, and Edward finally looks less nauseous, a small grin breaking out on his face.

"Ugh. Whatever," She replies, dragging her skanky-bitch friend with her.

"Well. That went well," Jane snickers. The boys breathe a sigh of relief.

"To be fair, that's probably the easiest we've ever got rid of them," Edward laughs, finally sounding relieved.

"Well. Now that we've got rid of those whores, let's drink," Peter yells, beckoning a waitress closer.

* * *

><p>We're all stumbling up the Cullen's garden path, giggling and snickering, except for Rose, and I can't tell if she's pissed off our amused.<p>

"Wait. Shhhh!" Peter says, pressing his finger to Char's lip who wasn't actually saying anything.

"What?" I whisper back.

"It's quiet. That's not good," Peter replies.

"Whaddya mean?" Jasper asks tiredly, stumbling slightly and pulling me with him, causing both of us to giggle.

"The kids. They're never quiet," He replies, his eyes wide and fearful.

"It's four in the morning. They're asleep," Rose replies, rolling her eyes and unlocking the door. Alice is half asleep, being carried on Emmett's shoulders, and Rose has her arm wrapped around Jane's waist.

Turns out the tiny people, they don't handle the booze all that well.

We creep in the door quietly.

"Oh thank god!" A voice yells loudly. We all turn to look at each other, our eyes wide and, yes. A little scared.

"In here!" A feminine voice yells. A familiar one. Nessie.

"Nessie?" I call out.

"Bella," She yells. We all stumble towards the living room and….holy shit.

We all fall into fits of laughter, which causes Alice, who's still asleep on Emmett's shoulder to jump awake, pitching backwards and onto her ass.

"Don't laugh. Help!" Seth yells, causing us to laugh louder. He's tied back to back with Nessie on a pair of Esme's antique dining chairs. They've obviously attempted to escape, pitching to the side, so they're lying on the floor, hands tied behind they're back. The living room is….a disaster. The kids are sprawled out on the sofa, they're angelic sleeping faces clearly disguising the horns.

"Dude. We should totally just leave them here," Peter grins.

"Sounds like a plan," Emmett replies, scooping Alice up and making his way towards the stairs, the rest of us following closely behind.

"Hey!" Seth yells.

"You fuckers are dead!" Nessie adds.

Ahh well. Such is life.


	26. 25: New Love Grows On Trees

**A/N: *hides* Erm… whoops. Sorry it's taken so long to write anything. In my defense, I was in a car accident just before Christmas and managed to break both my arms! It was superfun. Anyway. Because I'm pretty sure that no-one actually reads these things, I'm really, really sorry and I suck. I will try to do much better, and have you guys tried 750words? It's pretty epic, and is why this chapter was actually written, instead of me watching too much TV and just randomly scribbling plot points and story ideas.**

* * *

><p><strong>Jasper<strong>

Elephants. Elephants in steel capped boots. Dancing around in my head performing a number from Stomp.

That's the only explanation.

Nothing to do with the alcohol. Not at all.

Yeah, no. It was definitely the alcohol.

"Stop thinking so loud." A voice right next to my head screeches.

"Stop shouting!" I beg.

"You stop shouting!" The voice yells again.

I crack open my eyes and oh dear god. Pain. Excruciating, agonizing pain. When my eyes finally adjust, I realise that Bella is lying next to me, and looks about as happy as I feel.

"How much did we drink last night?" I ask.

"Alcohol. All the alcohol."

"In the bar?"

"In the world."

"We should get up. We're supposed to hike to the meadow today," I groan. That is going to be absofuckinglutely terrible.

"Nooooo!" Bella cries softly, shuffling closer until she's resting her head on my chest.

I would probably appreciate it more if I didn't feel like I was going to throw up.

"We could just stay here all day instead." I reply.

"As good as that sounds, I really need to pee." She replies, groaning as she pulls herself up.

I follow her lead, dragging myself out of bed, before making my way downstairs.

If past experience is anything to go by, there's only one thing that's going to make me feel better.

Bacon.

Bacon makes everything better.

I stumble into the kitchen, and the smell almost makes me faint.

"You are my favourite person in the whole fucking world." I announce. My kind, wonderful sister is frying eggs, and I can see what looks like 3 packs of bacon under the grill.

"I know. There's coffee over there," She replied, nodding her head towards the coffee pot.

Oh, sweet nectar of the gods.

I pour a cup, happy in my world of bacon-anticipation and coffee, when there is a deafening clatter.

"GOOD MORNING JASPER. HOW's YOUR HEAD FEELING?" Nessie yells.

"Why the fuck would you do that?" Bella whimpers as she staggers in, clutching her head.

"OH BELLA. I DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE. WHAT'S WRONG? DID SOMEONE DRINK TOO MUCH LAST NIGHT?" She asks as she bangs her fork off her plate.

"Calm down Satan," Rosalie snickers, grabbing the plate and cutlery from Bella's demonic little doppelganger.

"They left me tied to a chair!" She whines.

"And we tried to warn you not to trust the Unholy Trinity. You were cocky, and you deserved it," Rosalie replies, silencing Nessie with a glare.

She learned that look from our Grandmother. It's enough to silence _Peter_.

"Okay Rosie. Put the Bitch Stare away. There's no need for that," Emmett announces as he strolls in.

Sometimes, I really fucking hate Emmett and his imperviousness to hangovers.

"I brought donuts!" He sings, dumping a white paper bag on the table. I suddenly hate him less.

"Coffee. I need coffee," A voice sounds, and Edward walks around the corner, one arm around Tanya's shoulder, the other around Alice's.

"You'd look like a pimp if they didn't look like they were on the brink of unconsciousness," Nessie snickers.

Peter follows close behind, with Jane slumped against his back, and Charlotte is shepherding the kids in front of her.

Breakfast is loud and hectic, but those of us with a hangover manage to not throttle Nessie, Rose or the kids.

"What time are we leaving?" Peter asks as Charlotte silences the kids with a glare.

"I'm assuming after the painkillers and coffee have kicked in." Rosalie smirks over her cup of tea.

"And not a moment before," Jane moans, her face flat against the table.

"Seconded," Bella adds.

"Motion carried."

* * *

><p><strong>Bella<strong>

Words cannot describe how thankful I am that it's possible to drive to the meadow. And not just because that much walking would mean I'd probably end up spraining something, at the very least. Of course, since Edward decided to bring The Overcompensator (I really do love my little sister), and Alice's jackass-yellow sports car couldn't make it over a speed-bump, never mind through a muddy road in the forest, that meant that we only really had two cars, since Nate's rental was locked at Sea-Tac and the parents were currently making their way home from Hawaii.

I never, ever want to know what series of events leads to them deciding to leave the state each time they drink together. Pretty sure it would scar me for life.

Which meant that while Jasper was happily in his own seat, Nessie and I were squished together with Chelsea and Heidi in the front seat, Peter has Charlotte in his lap in the backseat, and Felix is sprawled over Alice and Jane.

Most definitely not the safest way to travel. Don't try this at home, kids.

The rest of the motley crew were probably a little comfier in Emmett's Hummer.

It took less than five minutes to get to the meadow. I'm still not entirely sure how it came to be that we seem to be the only people to have discovered this little piece of paradise. It's a small clearing, with a spring to one side. As teenagers, we spent many nights getting drunk in this clearing, and as adults, we've spent more.

The guys start setting up the tents, and Rosalie and Charlotte start to build the fire.

"I thought that building the fire would be something Emmett and Peter would be all over," Nessie mentions thoughtfully.

"Oh hell no," Rosalie seethed.

"Emmett and Peter decided to light a fire when we were about 20. They were drunk off their ass. Peter accidentally set fire to his hair, and Emmett lost both his eyebrows," I explain.

"That was the best night ever. I fucking hated that ponytail," Charlotte snickered.

"Ponytail?"

"Peter had hair down to his ass in college," I respond, snickering at the memory.

"My hair was goddamn glorious, you bitches!" Peter fumed from the spot across the clearing where they were setting up the tents, and Charlotte just rolls her eyes.

* * *

><p>Hours later, once the tents are set up and the fire is roaring, the kids have managed to tire themselves out, and are snoring loudly in Charlotte and Peter's tent.<p>

The rest of us are sitting around the fire. Alice and Jane are lying entwined on the grass, staring at the stars. Rosalie and Emmett are making out, causing Jasper and I to rake retch as loudly as we can manage without waking anyone. Peter and Charlotte snuck off the minute the kids started snoring, but the occasional giggle emanating from the woods lets us know exactly what they're up to.

Apparently, fresh air and no kids around is a real aphrodisiac.

Those two are freaks.

Edward and Tanya are staring lovingly into each other's eyes, and it's... well, it's a little gross.

"I don't know why, but I expected you all to be a lot drunker by this point." Nessie observes from her spot leaning against the log that Jasper is sprawled across.

"Because despite what movies tell you, hair of the dog is not a hangover cure. Also, pretty sure Rosalie doesn't want to look like a zombie on her wedding day." I reply.

"Lame. I expected you to have a higher tolerance for alcohol."

"Kid, we drank all the alcohol last night. All of it." Jasper retorts, taking a gulp of water. The only ones that had actually drank anything tonight had been Peter and Charlotte, and I'm assuming that they don't get a whole lot of time to let loose, what with the hellions they raised.

"It's a sad day when a bunch of 50 year olds can out drink you," Nessie sings.

"If it was any other group of 50 year olds, we would be offended. But it's not. It is _that_ group of 50 year olds. The fact that we can all keep pace and not die is a testament to genetics blessing us all with livers of fucking iron," Emmett adds.

"Except Carlisle." Alice barks out, causing us all to snicker.

"Three drinks and he's done." Edward laughs. He got his tolerance from Esme, who has successfully drank marines under the table. Repeatedly.

Seafair was Esme's favourite tradition.

"Oh man. I love drunk Carlisle," Jasper gasps. "Remember your grandparent's gala when we were about 17?"

Edward shoots iced tea out of his nose. It's awesome.

"Jesus. I forgot all about that."

"You're grandparents throw gala's?" Tanya asks.

"Oh yes. Esme is a Masen," Rosalie sings.

"Of the Westchester Masen's," Alice adds.

"They came over on the Mayflower," I giggle.

"They're dicks," Edward finishes. There's no love lost between Edward and his grandparents. They had disowned Esme when she had become engaged to a 'nobody preachers son'. They only came back around once Edward had been born. Seen as Esme was an only child, Edward was their 'heir'. Fortunately, Carlisle and Esme had done a damn fine job raising their kid, and he had no real interest in having anything to do with them. Unfortunately, Carlisle and Esme had also insisted that he make his own decisions about his grandparents based on how they treated him, and not his parents.

"When Bella and Edward started dating, Edward took her to his grandparents 'Summer Gala'. They were fucking awful, and vocally disapproved of their grandson dating a peasant." Emmett explains.

"So I decided that I really wanted fuck all to do with them. I took Jasper the next year, and pretended that we were dating," Edward grins.

"I thought your grandfather was gonna have a heart attack when you grabbed my ass," Jasper interjects, and Edward blows him a kiss.

"It sort of snowballed from there. At this point in time, they're currently convinced that all six of us are in a polygamous relationship." Alice adds.

"We may have also convinced them that the evil trinity the result of this polygamous relationship."

Nessie and Tanya look half way between horrified and like they're gonna piss their pants laughing.

"Oh shit. They're gonna love Tanya," Jasper gasps.

"Oh they will. She's old money and respectable," Rosalie frowns.

"And stunning," Alice adds, receiving an elbow from Jane.

"Oh screw that. I'll pretend to be Jasper's baby mama." She announces, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Ohh. Can I pretend to be Edward and Bella's illegitimate love child?" Nessie begs. Jasper leans over to high-five her.

Well. At least we know that this year's Gala event will be better than ever.

* * *

><p>Not long after, we departed to our tents. The ridiculous amount of alcohol consumed the night before, as well as spending a night tied to a chair in Nessie's case, and a baby in Rosalie's, mean that we're all pretty much dead on our feet. Peter &amp; Charlotte give up their tent to the kids, as there is no way they are moving the snoring hellbeasts, and instead climb into the neon kids tent. Nessie crawled in with the kids.<p>

"I'll be like an early warning system. If I start screaming it means they've gone full Omen, and are trying to kill us."

"Your sacrifice is much appreciated," Rosalie smirks, unzipping the front of her and Emmett's tent.

"What time are we heading back tomorrow?" Jasper calls out as we climb into the one we're sharing.

"Whenever we wake up. The wedding isn't till sunset, so we've got time," Rosalie yawns. Pregnancy has taken it out of her. The girl who used to be able to stay awake for 3 days straight without caffeine now needs a nap if she's been awake for more than 6 hours.

"I thought the bride and groom weren't supposed to see each other on the wedding day?" Jasper asks as shuffle into the sleeping bags.

"Yes. Because Rosie and Em are totes the picture of tradition."

"Please never use the word 'totes' again."

"Okay."

"Thank you."

"Totes."

"I hate you."

"No you don't. Now go to sleep."

* * *

><p>I wake up in the middle of the night, and it is freezing as fuck. I'm shivering, and try desperately to snuggle down to further into the sleeping bag. But that is approximately no fucking help at all.<p>

"Stop it. I can hear your teeth chattering from here," Jasper's voice is rough with sleep, and I hear him undo the zipper on his sleeping bag as I turn over.

"It's so cold." I am ashamed of how pathetic my voice sounds at this moment in time.

"I know," He whispers, unzipping my sleeping bag before zipping the two together, and dragging me close to him.

"Dude, you're so hot," I practically moan, rubbing my frozen toes against his shins, causing him to wince.

"I know," He snickers, wiggling his eyebrows, causing my eyes to roll, before I snuggle closer to him. He is radiating heat, and it's exquisite.

"I hereby decree you my personal radiator forever," I sigh, my body starting to warm up.

"Sounds good," He replies, pressing a kiss into my hair. "Now go to sleep."

I do as my personal radiator says. And fall quickly into sleep.

I wake up to strong arms wrapped around me, and a warm chest pressed against my back.

Also, something else pressed up against me. More specifically, _pressed up against my ass_.

I feel my face goes fiery hot and clammy. And for once I'm incredibly happy about the fact that I somehow always manage to half choke myself with my hair in my sleep, because it is currently creating a nice little curtain between me and anyone who would be able to see the fact that my face is currently bright red.

_Because my best friends dick is pressed up against my ass._

And dude. That boy is hung.

Little shocked to be honest. Alice and I will be having words about the fact that this information was never shared during our "How was your first time?" discussion.

The arms around my waist tighten, and Jasper buries his face into my neck.

"Bella..." The word is a whisper. But it's low and rough and holy fuckballs Batman.

Because my best friend is pressing his dick against my ass. And whispering _my name_. And holyfuck, I am not awake enough for this.

And then he gasps, darting backwards as far as possible, which, considering the fact that we're sharing a sleeping bag, is not actually that far at all.

"Fuck." His voice is strained now. And because this could be unknown levels of awkward, I roll onto my front and pretend to be fast asleep.

Never let it be said that Isabella Marie Swan is anything but a coward. A cowardly coward who cowers.

The other side of the sleeping bag is yanked down quickly, and I fake moan of protest because Jasper is not exactly being subtle, or quiet, in his desperate attempt to escape from the tent. And I am in the exact opposite of the correct state of mind to deal with the fact that he was just rubbing his morning wood against me and moaning my name.

I need coffee. I need lots of coffee. And to talk to Tanya.

Because I'm pretty sure this is the point where everything changes.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Yeah. So that happened. Don't kill me please? I promise to get the next chapter written as soon as possible. Work and real life are a major time suck, but I'm trying to get at least a little bit written every day so that I don't descend to the levels of suckitude that I was previously at with actually updating people.**


	27. 26: White Wedding

**A/N: Thank you Nyx Nuit for giving me my new favourite word. ****Kawkward. Kinky-Awkward. Which describes Jasper and**** Bella's tentscapades perfectly, and which may have been used a little too liberally in this chapter.**

* * *

><p><strong>Jasper<strong>

Well that was fucking awkward.

Seriously. I haven't had this issue since college. I have the self-control of a monk. Which makes the fact that I was just grinding my dick into my best friend really fucking awkward.

Thank fuck she was asleep.

I strip off my shirt, and take a running jump into the spring. There's nothing like the ice cold natural spring water of the Pacific Northwest to kill a boner.

"Jasper, what the fuck are you doing?" Edward's voice calls out as I surface.

"The camping version of a cold shower."

"Why?" Emmett asks. He, Edward and Peter are making breakfast over the fire. I really hope Edward was the one to light the fire.

"I would really like to not share at this moment in time."

Emmett looks like he's just swallowed a rotten egg, but Peter and Edward are laughing like hyenas. I fucking hate my friends some time.

"Dude!" Emmett growls.

"I said I didn't want to share. It is not my fault your mind went there." Is the only reply I can come up with?

He throws a piece of sausage at my head.

Chelsea and Heidi come running out of the tent, wearing bathing suits. Felix slinks behind them, having apparently changed back from hell-raising child into sulky pre-teen. He seems to yo-yo between the two at an alarming pace, and Nessie follows behind, her hair scraped back in a ponytail, and for once not wearing a ridiculous amount of dark eye make-up. It makes her look so young, and it makes me more than a little sad that we're only just getting to know her.

The twins catapult into the spring, and I spend a while throwing them around and acting as a life raft for the terrible twosome. Nothing like shrieking children to take your mind off things.

The girls roll out of the tents as breakfast is ready, and I snicker at the fact that all 6 of them are wearing hats and sunglasses.

"What's with the anti-paparazzi look? You all realise that a) there are no photographers around here and b) you bitches ain't famous," Peter hollers.

"a) Fuck you b) Good luck getting any. Ever again. c) The lack of mirrors and electrical appliances means hats and glasses," Charlotte snarls, hurling a hairbrush at her husband.

Bella grabs Tanya's arm before they reach us, dragging her off towards the trees.

"What's up with them?" I ask. Bella's face is bright red and Tanya has a gleeful smile as they dart into the woods.

"They're probably just plotting more ways to make Edward's head explode," Emmett snickers.

"Which head?" Rosalie wiggles her eyebrows, and Edward groans, collapsing backwards onto the grass.

"I hate you all so fucking much."

"We know."

We scarf down breakfast. Fresh air really does tend to make you ravenous. Bella and Tanya sneak back, and I had over Bella's plate. Her face is still bright red.

"Did you catch the sun yesterday? You're face looks burned," I asks, catching her chin as she turns tries to turn her head to her plate.

"Huh? What? Oh! Yes! Yep! That's what it is!" She mumbles, before shoving an entire piece of toast into her mouth.

I love her, but that girl is fucking nuts.

Tanya is snickering as she drinks her coffee. Those two must be plotting something. Either that, or Tanya's managed to completely horrify Bella with her plans for Edward.

I do not want to know. Ever.

We make it back to the Cullen's by midday, and find Dad's rental car parked haphazardly in the drive.

"Looks like the dirty stop outs made it home after all," Nessie giggles as we all tumble out of our cars.

Sure enough, as we enter the house, we find Dad, Carlisle and Charlie sprawled across the couches in the living room.

"Someone party hard?" I ask, snickering at their haggard faces.

"Charlie! Nate! Carlisle! Get in the goddamn shower. I will not have you smelling like a distillery at my daughter's wedding!" Mom's voice reverberates through the air, and it's pitched at a frequency to make me twitch, never mind the whiskey-soaked trio who are trying to slip into unconsciousness.

Who also now look a little like they want to rip off their own ears.

Mom, Esme and Sue make their way into the living room, corralling the men into getting up of their asses and into the shower.

They're dressed to perfection, and do not at all look like they've caught a red-eye to get home after drinking so much they ended up in a different state.

"Okay. We're heading over to the beach to make sure everything is set up. Make sure those useless idiots get their asses over there as soon as they're ready," Mom says, kissing Rosalie and Emmett on the cheek.

"I'll drive them over. Pretty sure that they'd still probably blow the legal limit, knowing how you three drink," Edward replies, smirking at them.

"Oh hush darling. You're just jealous." Esme replies, patting him on the cheek before they depart.

"Okay. Girls, third floor. Boys, second. Get ready. We're leaving at 6PM." Alice announces, somehow managing to herd the five other women, one teen and two small children towards the stairs. Considering she's only slightly taller than a smurf, it's really quite an accomplishment.

Because we're guys, we make our way up to the second floor and take over one of the spare bedrooms, and relax for a while. Felix takes a nap, because apparently he stayed awake for the entire night. Even he knows not to sleep where the gruesome twosome might get him.

"So. We have 5 hours to waste." Emmett announces

"Xbox?" Peter asks.

And that's how we spend the next 6 hours.

At five, we start to get ready. By half five, we're ready.

Seriously. Shower, shave, put on clothes. I will never understand girls. And Edward, who is still fiddling with his hair at five to six.

Dad smacks him over the back of the head, while Tanya and Jane snicker as they descend the stairs.

"Okay you bunch of idiots. Time to roll," Jane hollers, twirling Alice's car keys around her finger.

"Alice is letting you take her car?" Peter sounds terrified.

"Ha. No. She hasn't realised that her keys are gone yet. It is my wedding present to Emmett," She grins, tossing the keys into his hand.

Emmett's been trying to get Alice's keys since she bought the car. She sleeps with those keys underneath her pillow. Jane is obviously a kleptomaniac. That should be interesting come September.

"You are my new favourite. The rest of you have been replaced. Jane is my favourite." Emmett announces, bouncing around the hallway.

"Even over my daughter?" Dad growls. Emmett turns, his head snapping back and forward between Dad and the keys in his hand.

He eventually nods, looking like he's waiting to be shot.

"Yeah. I'd probably have the same reaction," Dad snickers, patting Em on the shoulder.

"Dude. Why you gotta do that?" Emmett whines, and the rest of us just laugh.

"It's my God-given privilege to drive fear into the heart of my son-in-law," He replies.

"Yeah, but do you have to practically make me crap my pants?"

"Yes," Dad smirks, before waving us out of the building. I jump into the car with Emmett, while Edward, Peter, Felix, Tanya and Jane climb into my car.

* * *

><p><strong>Bella<strong>

Tanya is a fucking evil bitch and I wish I'd never talked to her because she is absolutely no fucking help at all.

Her exact response to finding out about Tentgate?

"Why the ever-loving fuck did you pretend to be asleep? Why didn't you grind back?" She'd asked.

"Because it was awkward as all hell. He tried to catapult himself away the minute he realised what was going on!"

"Kawkward maybe."

"What the fuck is kawkward?" Sometimes, I do not understand Tanya at all. And I mean that she is not speaking English right now.

"When something is both kinky and awkward in equal measures. Kawkward." She replies, smirking.

I fucking hate Tanya.

"You need to stop spending your lunch hour reading Urban Dictionary."

"I do not. You, on the other hand, need to stop dancing around the whole you-want-to-bang-your-best-friend thing, and actually bang him, soon, because the sexual tension, while awesome at first, is actually beginning to slowly kill me, especially because Edward has yet to crack." The fact that she gets that out in all one breath is, well, a little impressive.

"That's crazy! He is my best friend. If things didn't work out, do you know how disastrous that would be? I spend every day with him. I work with him. I live with him. Do you know how terrible that could be?"

"Do you know how amazing it could be? You know each other inside out. You already know that he is legitimately one of the most amazing guys in the world. Do you think that if there was anything that would cause you guys to implode, you'd already know about it?"

She makes a decent point. Which is just annoying.

"But-"

"No buts. Just... think about it. Maybe get your flirt on at the wedding. See how it feels. If it feels awkward, and I mean actually awkward, then you can blame it on that romantic haze that weddings inevitably cause."

"That... is not a terrible idea."

"No it's not. I don't have terrible ideas. I am made of awesome."

I roll my eyes, but follow her back to the campsite. Where Jasper is waiting. And he's saved me food. And now my face is bright red.

Just... I really fucking hate the Swan genetic sometimes. This blush? All Charlie's fault.

After grabbing my plate from Jasper, and making a spectacular fool of myself by claiming to be sunburned, things quickly devolve into their usual mess of yelling, mocking, teasing and hair pulling. And that's the adults.

We manage to get back to the Cullen's in one piece, which may actually be a first for a camp-out which involves both Peter and Emmett.

The fact that no-one lost any hair to the fire is a testament to the fact that Rosalie and Charlotte have those boys on leashes.

Once the boys have been left to their own devices and Alice has somehow managed to force the rest of us into getting ready, the torture begins

And I'm not talking figuratively. I've been plucked and shaved and buffed and scrubbed to within an inch of my life.

As have the rest of us. Alice is the devil.

"Alice is the devil!" Tanya whispers harshly after we've been 'dealt' with. We're basically sitting in our underwear, because Alice refuses to let us put our dresses on until we leave.

She's currently working her devil magic on Rosalie in the bathroom, but the girl has the ears of a bat, and whispering is probably a good idea.

"Indeed."

"Is she on drugs? Because I swear at one point I tried to escape and she managed to force me back into my seat with like, her pinkie."

"She is completely unmedicated. She's actually the only person I've ever met who's eaten a pot brownie and become even more frantic."

That's not a lie. In college she ate 3 pot brownies and cleaned her apartment from top to bottom. And then ours. Including Emmett's room. Which was a disgusting, horrific mess.

"I am in no way surprised." Jane adds "I switched her coffee out with decaf a couple of weeks after we started dating. It made her worse."

"You better hope she never finds out. Edward tried it when they lived together in college. She glues his dick to his happy trail in his sleep."

"Yes, but I give her orgasms on a regular basis." Jane replies smugly.

"Even orgasms won't save you if she finds out," I reply.

"You people are so fucking weird." Nessie announces.

"No shit Sherlock. Alice! Get your ass in gear. We have to leave soon!" Charlotte hollers, handing Jane and Tanya their dresses.

They dress quickly, heading downstairs to head to the beach with the guys, and Alice finally releases Rosalie from her evil clutches.

Rosalie walks out in her dress. She looks stunning. Her hair is down, flowing down her back in soft waves. Her make-up is understated, making her blue eyes look huge.

Her dress is perfect, a floaty ivory coloured lace dress that stops just below her knees, a cream coloured silk sash tied around her waist. It has capped sleeves, and stops just below her knees. She's wearing silk ballet flats.

She looks like a princess.

"You look amazing," Nessie says reverently.

"You really do Rosie," I grin.

"I know," She replies happily. I've never seen her so happy.

"Okay bitches. It's show time. Put your dresses on." Alice orders as she leaves the bathroom, her own dress already on, her hair curling softly around her face.

Nessie, Charlotte and I grab our dresses, pulling the pale blue silk dresses on. They hit just below the knees, with a sweetheart neckline.

We all look pretty fucking fantastic to be honest.

We get downstairs, and Alice looks a little frantic.

"What's up?"

"My car keys are missing."

"They're not missing. Your girlfriend stole them. Emmett has already taken the car." Nate sings as he strolls into the hallway, before stopping short as his gaze falls on Rosalie. He stares at her, his eyes misty.

"Dad, you're freaking me out."

"Sorry sugar. You look beautiful," He smiles, his voice thick. "My baby girl is getting married!" He grabs her round the waist, spinning her around.

"Dad! I will hurl! I will hurl all over you!"

"Nate if you crease her dress I will cut you! Don't think I won't!" Alice screeches, stomping her foot.

Nate laughs as he releases his daughter, kissing her cheek.

"You wouldn't dare fun-size. You love me," He croons, grabbing her hand and twirling her around. "All my girls look beautiful. Now. Let's roll. We've got a wedding to get to."

* * *

><p>We get into the car, after about ten minutes of Alice frantically fussing to make sure that none of us will crease our dresses.<p>

It takes fifteen minutes to get us to the beach. It would normally be a twenty minute drive, but like most of the people in my life, Nate drives like a maniac. Considering he taught Jasper, Rosalie and Alice how to drive, it may actually all be his fault.

We climb out of the car, and Alice spends another five minutes fluffing and smoothing and being a general nuisance.

"Please quit it. We sort of have plans that don't include being pinched to death by devil pixie fingers!" Nessie shrieks, and we're finally free. Rosalie is giddy, and I'm so happy I could burst.

Today my soul-sister becomes my actual sister. It's kind of awesome.

"Let's get me married bitches!" She hollers, shattering the Disney princess vibe she's been rocking. It's better that way I suppose. Rosalie has never been the princess type.

"Let's do this!" Charlotte yells, and we make our way towards the shoreline.

Esme, Sue and Maria have done an amazing job. There are torches set up along the path towards the area where they've set up seats, and there are fairy lights entwined around the seats, twinkling white. I can just make out the guys as we make our way down the beach, Emmett's hulking form seeming to be bouncing up and down in place next to Reverend Webber.

Somebody's excited.

Then again, he's not the only one. Rosalie's face looks like it's about to split in two, she's grinning so hard, and she's pulling against Nate's arm in an effort to get there faster.

"I guess I don't have to bother asking if you've got cold feet, huh?" He snickers, and Rosalie scowls darkly at him before propelling him forward.

The guys are waiting at the front of the makeshift aisle, Edward and Peter snickering at the happy couple's enthusiasm.

My eyes land on Jasper, and I feel my heart thump against my ribcage.

He looks beautiful. The light from the setting sun and torches dance across his face, and he is breathtakingly beautiful. He smiles, and my knees feel weak.

I hear can practically hear Tanya snickering in my head.

He takes my arm, looking it through his, Edward doing the same with Alice. Charlie grins at Nessie, taking her arm, and Peter and Charlotte share a kiss before assuming the same position.

"Well, boys and girls. Let's do this thing!" Nate hollers, and I can hear Sue and Esme start to snicker, and Maria buries her face in her hands.

We walk down the aisle, and my big brother looks so fucking happy. He's smiling so hard his cheeks are going to hurt for days, and he's staring straight past us, eyes fixed on his soon-to-be-bride.

Jasper and I reach the altar, and move apart. Jasper moves to stand next to Emmett, clapping him on the shoulder. The big idiot doesn't even realise, still grinning at Rosalie. I move to stand on the other side of Reverend Webber. Alice, Charlotte and Nessie soon join me as the boys line up next to Jasper.

And then Rosalie and Nate reach the altar. They both look so freaking happy that it makes my heart swell. Because I know no matter what, there will never be anyone that makes my oaf of a brother happier than Rosalie, and vice versa.

The ceremony is short, filled with promises of devotion and love. It's perfect and sweet and wonderful.

"You may now kiss the bride," Reverend Webber finishes, smiling gently at the two.

And then Emmett ruins the sweet, romantic mood by grabbing Rosalie by the waist, yanking her towards him and giving her the filthiest kiss I've ever had the misfortune to witness from the two of them.

"Alright! I got me a wife! Now let's get this party started!" He yells.

"Hells yes! Let's dance, bitches!" Rosalie hollers, dragging Emmett down the aisle towards the tent that's been set up for the reception.

Charlie and Maria both look mortified, and Alice looks like she'd put a bullet in Emmett's head if she had a gun, but Nate and Carlisle are leaning against each other in the seats, looking like they're about to piss themselves laughing, and Sue and Esme aren't far doing any better.

I suppose I shouldn't have expected anything different really. If no-one finds them going at it in a car later, it'll be a goddamn miracle.

"Come on sugar," A voice whispers in my ear, and I almost jump out of my skin. Jasper is standing next to me, an eyebrow raised at my reaction, before he wraps an arm around my waist. I can feel the heat from his palm through my dress, and it feels like his handprint is permanently seared into the skin of my waist where it rests. "Let's dance."

Well. This won't end well at all.

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><p><strong>AN: Wooo! Look who managed to not go six months before a new chapter was posted! Oh yeah! That's right! Me! Fuck yes!**


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